War Widens to Winthrop, Lengthens to Lowell

Eric P. Newcomer

Winthrop House surprised campus today by declaring war on Lowell House. Their first grievance? The lack of swipe access to Lowell's back gate. Despite other House conflicts, this battle is so far limited to the two river Houses, and Winthrop has not stated its position in the on-going Adams-Currier conflict.

A declaration on Winthrop's House Facebook page detailed various reasons for the war against Lowell, ranging from the noise of the Lowell Bells to the dearth of broccoli in the dining hall. The color of the dining hall itself was another point of conflict, and Winthrop also expressed disapproval that "Lowell has incurred the wrath of the international community."

Winthrop also made the largest demands so far in the current conflict, demanding that students from Winthrop, Eliot, and Leverett be granted access to the back gate. They also demanded that the Lowell bells only be rung between 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. on Sundays, and offered to enter an alliance with other River Houses to resolve the conflict.

In an ominous turn, the Declaration warned, "President and Commander-in-Chief Gregg Peeples is hereby authorized and directed to employ the entire naval, military, canine, and feline forces of Winthrop House and the resources of the Government to carry on war against the House of Lowell."

This is first war to strike Winthrop since the 2008 "War With Waves," following the flooding of Winthrop Dining Hall. Winthrop remained neutral in both the 2004 conflict and the 1999 Pfoho-Adams War. A formal response has yet to be issued by Lowell residents, although Lowell's House Masters, Diana L. Eck and Dorothy A. Austin, responded in an email message to Lowell residents that has since been forwarded around campus that "this is not the occasion for war."

"In the spirit of Gandhi, we respond: "Nonviolence is the first article of my faith. It is also the last article of my creed." and, again, "The pursuit of truth does not permit violence on one's opponent."

Stay tuned to Flyby for updates as they happen.

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