Bad Trend Alert: Email Signatures

It happens every September; the influx of both freshmen and recruiters means that it’s time for email signatures to swell to a thing of gargantuan proportions and grotesque beauty. While there are essentials to convey—you do want your boo to know your phone number, after all—there is more fat to be trimmed from the foot of a Harvard student’s email than a whole season of “The Biggest Loser.”

Let’s start with the sign-off. If your sign-off says anything in the same kitschy font as your signature, chances are you won’t be seen as “truly yours,” “sincere,” or having any sort of love whatsoever. To those of you still attached to Comic Sans or Monotype Corsiva? Shut it down.

Next comes the meat and bones: the dropping of the H-bomb. It doesn’t matter if you say “Harvard College” or “Harvard University”- you’ve broken the dam to free-flowing douchebaggery. While we surf that wave, for every link that follows to LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, or any other website, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. And never, ever, should any sort of image be there. It only serves to trick people into thinking you’ve sent them some sort of exciting attachment when you’ve actually only sent a photo that, more often than not, will fail to load.

The inspirational quote? Yes, Gandhi is amazing. Yes, there is some providence in the fall of a sparrow. And yes, it is, in fact, tomorrow in Australia. My point? Needs to go. Security?

And to those of you whose messages end with “Sent from my iPhone”? We. Can’t. Even.