Harvard Quiz Bowl Meeting Minutes

President: Maybe this whole scandal will be a good thing after all. We’re getting the attention we deserve.

Player 2: But you've always said the student body actually does care about our team. The "silent majority"?

President: Yeah, but I just said that so more freshmen would want to join during the activities fair. Ever notice how every a capella group says they’re the nation’s oldest and most prestigious one? Same idea. But this time I mean it for real! Someone even told me about a party this Friday!

Player 1: Where is it?? Will there be girls?

President: It’s at a magical place called “the Delphic.”

Player 1: You know, I just finished my final club trivia prep. Did you know the Delphic was once known as The Gas, because it was the first final club to feature gas pipes that could keep the torches, and thus the light and the party, going throughout the night? Today, this tradition is honored by—

President: Very fascinating, I’m sure. Just make sure to study up on the even more essential trivia: effective mating rituals, female anatomy, common majors for girls from BU, that kind of thing.

Player 2: Sounds like a lot to memorize by Friday—any chance you have the answers to their specific questions already, so we can get a little...advantage?

Player 1: No way man! The girls won’t take us seriously if we keep cheating!

President: M.I.T. did almost the same exact thing last year, and no one even remembers. The negative publicity around the cheating thing is a result of bad timing more than anything else. What are the chances a massive cheating scandal and a shockingly successful NCAA basketball tournament game would both happen at the same time?

Player 1: Oh! Oh! I just did this one, it’s—

President: Rhetorical question, guys. I mean, think about it—this proves people actually do care about Quiz Bowl. They must have just been intimidated by how much trivia we can memorize, and now they don’t have to be.

Player 2: That makes sense. Before, whenever someone asked me a question I had to pretend to Google it on my phone so I wouldn’t come off as a know-it-all. Now that the pressure is off, maybe I’ll only do that some of the time.