Twerking? Not So Fast, Harvard.

As Harvard students, we like to stay pretty informed. Crisis in Syria? We got it. New iPhone 5C release? We got it. Cheating scandal? We got that too. Twerking? Well, we don't really got that. While most of the world critiqued Miley Cyrus' twerking at the 2013 VMAs, Harvard students are still concentrating on the basics. To the disappointment of many, the Class of 2017 was not asked in the freshman survey how they would rate their twerking abilities—however, it is clear from a scientific study of a night out in Cambridge that all Harvard students could use a quick tutorial.

Let's face it, twerking is a little advanced for most of us—even the greatest dancers here are still trying to wrap their minds around the mechanics of grinding. So let’s go back to the basics, starting with the Cha Cha Slide.

Recommended, but not required: Liquid courage and practice in the Delphic basement.

THE BASICS: DJ Casper's "Cha Cha Slide"

"This time we’re gonna get funky."

No, no, no. You studied for the SATs far too hard to justify using the word "funky." You're not allowed to cheat, but seriously, ask your friends for some tips. Take some time between your CS50 pset and your Chinese class to have a dance break (the best kind of study break) with your entryway's resident dancer. Let them show you how to work it. Dancers do exist at Harvard—although it's hard to spot one on a Saturday night. Find one and pay her (or him) in love and Insomnia Cookies.

"Take it back now y'all."

I don't know what parties you’ve been going to, but most parties at Harvard are pretty cramped. This means two things: 1. You have very little space to show off your rockin' moves and 2. You'll be sweating. A lot. Dress accordingly. Don't be that guy who's hogging the entire floor and dripping pools of sweat. You may be getting down and dirty on the dance floor, but there are some lines that just shouldn't be crossed. Remember those grind-lines that were all the rage at Bar Mitzvahs and Sweet Sixteens? Let's not revisit that.

"Cha cha real smooth."

Except, maybe don't actually cha cha… See, I'm never surprised when my classmates talk about going to Cotillion or being "classically trained" in dance. This is not the same, guys. Unless you're at Fete, keep the formal grooving to a minimum.