Snow Days by Concentration

Now that everyone has frolicked sufficiently, snow days have become a time for learned contemplation. FM considers how students of various concentrations can best use their time off.

By C. Ramsey Fahs

This historic winter, Harvard has afforded students more snow days than anyone could possibly need. Now that everyone has frolicked sufficiently, snow days have become a time for learned contemplation. FM considers how students of various concentrations can best use their time off.

Astrophysics:

Where the hell did Venus go?

Celtic Languages and Literatures:

Turns out Celtic languages and literatures are pretty useless on snow days, too.

Comparative Literature:

Read two different books that mention snow. In different languages. Compare.

Computer Science:

Develop an app that tells you whether or not it’s snowing outside. Sell to Yahoo for $3 million. Put some more tech company bumper stickers on your laptop.

Economics:

No different than any other day, really. Just prepare for your interview with Blackstone for an internship that will absolutely be emotionally, intellectually, and morally fulfilling.

Engineering:

Snow trebuchet.

English (Creative Writing):

Write 30,000 words on the quiet desperation of a mutt defecating in the snow. Take a break from reading and writing to forge the uncreated conscience of your race. Try to recreate Robert Frost’s “Stopping By The Woods on a Snowy Evening,” by becoming distracted by the extremely loud speaker system in the Fly, and experience a crushing sense of your own artistic inadequacy.

Folklore and Mythology:

What better use for a snow day than Norse Mythology cos-play? Dress up as Skadi, the Goddess of Winter and the Hunt, and act out an unhappy marriage with Njord, whom you only chose based on his beautiful bare feet.

Germanic Languages and Literatures:

Think about what a shitty time it is to invade Russia.

Government:

Thank Obama.

History:

Think about what a shitty time it is to invade Russia.

Music:

Realize that a surprising number of composers’ names can be combined with the word “bro” to make a compelling portmanteau (e.g. Bro-zart, Shota-Bro-Vich, Bro-kofiev).

Philosophy:

Deconstruct the Classical mimesis of snow with archetypally shaped Nietzschean symbols through the Cartesian lens in an attempt to elucidate the flawed dynamism of the Empiricists. Be generally unbearable to talk to.

Slavic Languages and Literature:

Slowly and tragically descend into alcoholism and hysteria before ultimately being framed for your father’s murder by one of your more educated servants. Or, watch a 24-hour loop of the film adaptation of Boris Pasternak’s “Dr. Zhivago” starring Omar Sharif.

Statistics:

Come up with a full statistical model that calculates the probability of the University having another snow day. Alternately, extrapolate the number of snow days exponentially. Realize that, by 2027, Harvard will just be a post-apocalyptic frozen tundra in which cannibalistic hordes vie for the approval of a charismatic overlord (Khurana).

Social Studies:

Utilitarianism dictates that only one of your blockmates needs to brave the snow to fetch provisions from the dining hall. Choose wisely.

Visual And Environmental Studies:

Consider the effect of the snow on the North American environment as a means of image concatenation through a uniform color continuum.

Women, Gender, and Sexuality:

Express disgust at the oppressive symbol of virginal purity that is the fresh-driven snow. Why don’t we make snow women?