What the Hell Happened: Kardashian Baby Explosion

Boom, boom, boom. Or should I say bump, bump, bump? Three Kardashian pregnancy announcements within six months is unprecedented and—by my very reliable, AP Stat-backed calculations—highly improbable. I believe I can safely say that few were asking for one more K-spawn, let alone three. So how did this happen? As an occasional “KUWTK” binger, teenage American girl, and citizen of Earth, I consider myself well-qualified to weigh in on this shocking phenomenon.

Naturally, one’s first thought is that this is all the brainchild of Kris Jenner, who is Mother of All PR. In fact, it’s easy to imagine how she might have conceived this Kardashian baby boom: “Okay, team meeting! Line up! Kylie and Khloe step forward. You are both to drop contraception right now. Kim, there are these things called surrogates. Go, go, go!”

It is definitely more fair and humane to reject that Kris has control over her daughters’ reproductive choices. This solution is also just too obvious, so let’s examine the timeline here. On Sep. 6, 2017, news broke that Kim and Kanye’s surrogate was indeed pregnant. No big surprise here—we’d known since June that they were surrogate-searching. Weeks later on Sep. 22, reports surfaced that Kylie was also expecting. If the world’s sanity were a pregnancy, this news would be the equivalent of feeling the first kick. Days later, rumors of Khloe’s pregnancy also spread.

The key lies in Kylie and Khloe’s delivery due dates. Stormi Webster, daughter of Kylie and Travis Scott, was born on Feb. 1, 2018, and nine months prior to this date is the tail end of spring. Meanwhile, Khloe is reportedly due sometime in March, meaning that time of conception was likely at the end of spring or start of summer. Could these simultaneous sibling pregnancies simply be the product of Mother Nature’s seasonal breeding decree? Though it is impossible to know for certain, it’s enticing to believe that even Kardashian-Jenners are susceptible to spring fever.

How exactly the K(-J)lan chooses its baby names is an investigation for another time. However, for your reading pleasure and because you need this in your life, I’ve included my definitive ranking of Kardashian baby names:

—Staff writer Tiffany A. Rekem can be reached at tiffany.rekem@thecrimson.com.