The blog of The Harvard Crimson

Dropping Your Significant Other Before V-Day


So, it’s a week 'til February 14th, you’ve spent all your Christmas money on textbooks for the new semester, and you can’t really afford a fancy Valentine’s Day gift. Since the add-drop period is still in full swing, why not get rid of your fifth class and your significant other? If you’re among the rare contingent of people at this school who has willingly entered into a romantic commitment, here’s how you can end it before February 14th:

Use midterm season as an excuse

Professors use the word “midterm” with absolute liberty, so why shouldn’t you? Midterm season is coming up at some point in the next few months, and you’ll need a lot of time to study.

Say you need your own space

Literally. Snuggling in a twin bed is cute…until you have to get up the next morning after the worst sleep of your life.

Run off into the Barker Center

The doors are so heavy that they won’t try to follow you in.

Comp Flyby and let it take over your life

Who needs a SO when you have Flyby?

The Curious Case of the Grill Burger

Grateful and Fries
Curiouser and curiouser.

Sometimes, collard greens and a turkey sandwich that for some reason has peaches on it just don’t cut it for lunch. So, you pull out your Mange app and debate over getting an omelette or a burger. You order the burger, add cheese, and wait a dreaded seventeen minutes because no one in Lev wanted to eat the turkey sandwich either.

At this point, your burger embarks on one of three journeys:

It’s Black

It’s more likely than not you’ll be presented with a coal-like puck of meat thinly veiled with a slice of cheese—arranged almost as if to conceal the shame of the charred burger you have been presented with. Some people are not as fortunate, or mentally prepared, to look at their burger. They unknowingly bite into the edible chimney, then put it down. Tears leak from their eyes. Are these patties cooked on the sun and shipped back to Earth? Perhaps that would explain the seventeen minute wait. These are by far the saddest of dhall burgers to encounter. Pray that you do not receive one.

It’s Still Breathing

Conversely, your burger may have been cooked with a flashlight, and is still alive. These borderline raw concoctions are so undercooked that the warmth of the patty does not even start to melt the cheese, which makes for a textural nightmare. If the bun is stale, just rent a Zipcar and drive into the ocean. This is the lowest point of your life. I do not know what “umami” means, but it is not this.

It’s PERFECT

Sometimes, the person manning the grill is on their A-game. Few dining halls have that one chef that always nails their grill orders. For example, Mather House’s Lynette should be on Chopped. Few people have enhanced my Harvard experience more than Lynette. Lynette is the best. Shoutout to Lynette. I love you. These chefs grill the bun while the patty cooks, throw the cheese on the patty while it reaches that perfect medium rare/medium range, and say a prayer that it may nourish your body before putting it out on the countertop. The cross section which brands these beautiful creations will change your life. It’s a beautiful sight. It’s a beautiful burger. It’s perfect.

In sum, approach the HUDS Grill burger with caution. It could make or break your day. Better yet, just order an omelette.

Super Bowl LII Drinking Game

Super Bowl Celebrations
May we all have as good a time as Quincy Faculty Dean Deborah J. Gehrke did last year by the end of this ordeal.

Regardless of if you’re a Patriots fan weathering the storm of hatred coming from every non-New Englander in your house or if you’re a hopeful Eagles fan praying that Nick Foles has another seven-touchdown game, this afternoon’s Super Bowl is likely to give your liver CTE. It’s the perfect occasion to showcase how much or how little you know about football, much to the annoyance of the people watching the game with you, regardless of which category you fall into.

If you’re trying to numb the pain of the work you’re foregoing to watch a game you may not even care about, we’ve got a drinking game ready to fuel your eventual victory parade or angry march once the final whistle blows.

An Introduction

Take a shot if you’re a Patriots fan. Take two if you’re an Eagles fan, or rooting for them just to spite your brazen New England peers. Thinking this seems like a striking example of inequality? We would argue that Patriots fans have already been annoying enough regarding Brady’s eighth visit to the Super Bowl, so the liquid kickstart ought to go to the milder side of the fans. Eagles fans need all the help they can get, especially considering that they have to watch the game within the Mecca of athletic arrogance.

A Literal Approach

If you're trying to actually watch the game and drink accordingly, take a shot every time a field goal is kicked, the defense forces a turnover, or a forty-plus yard pass or run is completed. Take two shots for every touchdown or defensive touchdown return. This may seem like a lot, and it is. Non-Patriots fans need this. As a Dolphins fan living with three Patriots fans, I need this. Do it for the culture. Do it for your sanity.

A Better Approach

If you don’t really care about the game and just want to keep your mind occupied while watching, it may be in your best interest to keep an eye out for some non-football related Super Bowl happenings to get you through the three hours.

Take a shot if three or more Brady jerseys are present in the room, if a Gronk Tide Pod awareness ad runs, if someone shushes the viewing party to hear a commercial, or if Chris Collinsworth makes a stupidly unnecessary observation (for example, “I’m sure Ertz hoped he would have caught that pass.”) Take two shots if the Brady-Belichick-Kraft conflict is brought up, if Mountain Dew runs a trippy halftime ad, or if you see someone hide a beer because a proctor walked by.

Down everything you have if the Patriots win. Yeah, I’m salty. No shame.

Though I've never experienced this, watching the Super Bowl can be fun (and totally not a reminder of how winning the AFC is a lost cause as long as Brady is playing). We hope that this guideline can guide you to a wonderful evening. If the Patriots lose tonight, fear not. They’ll probably be back next year. If the Eagles lose tonight, fear everything. Shutter your windows and bar your doors. The wave of New England football fan arrogance is lethal.

How To Change Sections (Without a Real Conflict)

Section screenshot
Please explain to us why this is even a section time.

It’s the second week of school. Your math TF has failed you. Again. You’re out of scheduling conflicts to give the course head and just about ready to self-study the class. Don’t give up just yet, these excuses will have you in a new section faster than you can run out of class.


Volunteering Conflict

Sure, they might be able to see what classes you’re enrolled in, but how could your TF possibly know about all the good work you do? Tell them that you have to volunteer somewhere in Boston at 9 a.m. on Tuesdays, so there’s just no possible way you could make their session. If they push back, just let them know how terrible of a person they are for trying to stop your service, and soon enough you’ll find yourself with the hot TF from the other section.

Get a Part-Time Job

If you aren’t working part-time yet, now’s the time to start. If you do get to choose what hours you work, your TF doesn't need to know. Besides, it's not a lie that at 9 p.m. on Fridays, you're the most productive drink-maker. (Even if the drinks aren't Lamcaf cappuccinos.)

Walk onto the Squash Team

Both squash teams seem to be killing the game, so now might be the time to pursue your childhood dream of being a part of the number one college squash team in the nation. Of course, this is about dedication, and the fact that practice happens to conflict with your section is just an unfortunate coincidence.

Flash Daddy’s Credit Card

Honestly, if this applies to you we’re not sure why you can’t just skip section altogether. It's not like your Daddy will care about your GPA when he hires you in a couple years. But hey, if you’re really looking for that transformative experience, batting your eyelash extensions and sweetening the deal with a few J.P. Licks gift cards could win the course head.

Curse your TF

If you're really in a jam...take a weekend day-trip to Salem and purchase some witchcraft tools. Voodoo dolls, ancient scrolls, hexes; something’s gotta work eventually. Then, if your TF happens to become incapacitated for the rest of the semester, you’ll have no choice but to be placed a new section.

“Female Focused”: Avoiding the Sanctions as a Single Gender Social Organization

Scrutinizing Sanctions
There's no debate about it—avoiding the sanctions is a delicate dance.

Ever since Harvard imposed sanctions on “unrecognized single gender social organizations,” many groups have been scrambling to avoid the consequences and keep their membership stable with a healthy crop of sanction-scared freshmen.

Some groups have completely morphed from single gender to co-ed, such as Alpha Epsilon Pi’s shift to Aleph or Kappa Sigma’s change to KS. Others, however, have managed to slip out of reach of the sanctions while still maintaining a mostly single gender front. Kappa Kappa Gamma, now Fleur-de-Lis, bills itself as “female focused.” While it’s technically gender neutral, it’s not hard to guess about how many guys threw their hats in the ring this semester.

Flyby suggests a few other descriptions that could be used by groups who aren’t quite ready to give up their single gender status...because as long as you don’t technically limit membership based on gender, you’re good, right?

Brotherhood Bound

Sisterhood of the traveling pants? How about brotherhood of the barrel-chested sanction-battlers?

Bro-Based

This still sounds fratty enough that it might not get past admin, but it’s worth a try, right?

Matriarchally Managed

For the group that is straight up raising queens. Hey, if some guys want to come along and be knights, or, better yet, court jesters, we’ll take ‘em.

Masculine Minded

If “female focused” made it through, “masculine minded” might as well. The slogan could be “guiding guys since the sanctions’ rise.”

Sh*t Freshmen Say At Brain Break

Ah, freshmen. They run around campus, perpetually late to class even with Harvard time, lanyards swinging wildly around their necks. (Keys have hit faces. They’re learning.) They say parties they went to were “lit af” when really, 20 people got shoved in a tiny space with citrus-flavored vodka, only to be kicked out by a proctor shortly thereafter and forced to pour any remaining dregs of libations down the drain. The freshman experience can be decidedly unglamorous.

Carb-loading at 10 p.m. before starting a p-set that’s due the next day, though? Absolutely clutch. Here are a few snippets of conversations taken completely out of context from Brain Break at Annenberg.

Freshman Boys vs. Grilled Cheese Crusts
“You’re not eating the crust?!”
“No.”
“But how can you even tell it’s the crust?”
“Because it’s so much harder!”
“No it isn’t!”
Cue comparison of crunching sounds while biting into the “crust” of respective grilled cheese sandwiches.

The Math Pun of Doom
“Well, I have to get back to the grind…the integrind…integral…”

Following Facebook Drama
“Oh, is that the guy that everyone hates?”

What School Do You Go to Again?
“[The movie]’s about this girl who’s thinking about running away to marry a boy nun.”
“A boy nun?”
“…Yeah?”
“Do you mean a monk?”
“Oh sh*t, true, yeah.”
“You sure you go to Harvard?”

Contextualized Out of Context
“Keep in mind this is an African Jew at a black party…”

Political Wrecking Ball?
“Do you want to build balls over bridges? Walls over bridges? Whatever, you know what I mean. F*ck Trump.”

This. Is. Disillusionment.
“I mean, if you think about it, CS50 p-sets are really beautiful.”
Cue snorts of disbelief.

Relationship Status? It’s Complicated.
“But you’re not together right?”
“No, we’re like, friends, but we’ve like, hooked up a few times. We haven’t had sex though; I don’t think I want to.”
“So you’re like FWLB. Friends With Limited Benefits.”
“Yes! Exactly!”

Keep an eye out for more freshman ~witticisms~ as the year goes on. Stay weird, Class of 2021.

Why You, A Straight Man, Should Take a WGS Class


Are you already apprehensive about your fourth pset class? Are you looking for a fun—and potentially flirty—replacement? Are you a straight male? If you answered yes to these questions, listen up. Women and Gender Studies is the department for you. It’s such a good deal that it takes heterosexual male privilege to a whole new level.

That ratio, though

We know you were thinking it the second you read the article title, so let's get it out of the way. Sadly, not all straight men are woke enough to take a WGS class, so you will be one of few. Less competition in the room, more options for you. Enough said.

You always get into the class

WGS classes are very popular (among about half of the student population) and often involve a lottery or an application. Since you have an under-represented yet essential voice, it doesn’t matter what you say on your app. You’re getting into the class. No more shopping week woes for you.

Your privilege ensures that you haven't been exposed to the content (but you should be)

As you would learn in a WGS class, to have privilege means to enjoy unearned advantages without noticing. This class would a-woken you to the hardships you have never had to face. You would be making the world a better place, one ally at a time.

The bar is low for your comments

No women in the class expect you to have wise things to say about gender issues. If you say anything remotely wise, the many girls (see: ratio) will be very impressed. Be careful, though, because one misstep and you could be in trouble.

The WGS department needs you, but way more importantly, you need the WGS department.

This Week in Photos: Jan. 21 - Jan. 26

What Does the Harvard President Actually Do?


Committees, administrative officials, and even students are deep into the process of finding a suitable replacement for University President Drew G. Faust, bringing up many questions, including: What does the president of Harvard actually do? Here are a few theories.

Help Consume Leftover D-hall Food

Yes, sustainability is an important concept that Harvard has repeatedly stressed. And what better way to practice sustainability than to let the top dog chow down on all those leftovers? Seems like a better solution than those dorm room compost bins...

Terrorize Final Club Members

Whether skewing the male/female ratio at parties or stealing the Canada Goose jackets tossed into the corner, it is the President’s responsibility to bring down these organizations.

Hand out Halloween Candy

The public rarely gets to see the president, except for a few special occasions. This Halloween, many undergraduate students had to opportunity to receive copious amounts of candy from Faust herself at Mass. Hall. Such prolonged exposure to the masses must have been exhausting. It could be a while before we see the president again.

Reenact the Battle of Gettysburg

As a renowned historian of the Civil War, it’s understandable that President Faust misses her past profession. If you ever happen to hear booms coming from the closed doors of her office, it’s probably the gold-lined cannons that she purchased from eBay to complete her battlefield set.

In reality, however, President Faust does some serious decision-making for and supervision of Harvard’s structure and administration. With an increased focus on fundraising campaigns and educational and diversity initiatives, the President leads a very busy life that is influential on the Harvard community. We’ll all be sad to see her leaving next year.

We Sat Down with the UC's Cat and Nick


Flyby got a chance to talk to your new UC president and vice president, Catherine L. Zhang ’19 and Nicholas D. Boucher ’19. Harvard, you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourselves into with this ticket. Here’s what went down.

Flyby: How much “water” did you both drink after winning the election?

Nick: Enough to get through a stat pset right afterwards. Which is a lot.

Cat: Only the water that Yaz and Cam bestowed upon us afterwards.

Flyby: Do you watch House of Cards?

Cat and Nick: ...No, not really.

This is the only reason necessary to impeach them.

Flyby: The next question was about pushing one of your political enemies off a T platform, so…

Cat: Mmmm...Interesting.

Flyby: Wait, do you plan to push one of your political enemies off a T platform?

Cat: Wait, when you mean off a T platform, do you mean…

Flyby: Into an oncoming train, yes.

Nick: See...the biggest problem here is that it takes tax dollars to clean up the mess. So, if we were to do it we’d probably be much cleaner.

Cat: I’m too shook.

Nick: We’re really big on financial efficiency.

Clearly, Nick has thought about this. That's not worrying at all.

Flyby: But given how slow the T is would it even matter? Would they even die?

Cat: That’s true. You’d have to time where you did it because the T just stops randomly now.

Nick: Biophysically speaking, one of the rails is electrified. So presumably they could also just shock to death. Hey, am I crazy? Maybe I’m not…

Flyby: Hey, it’s ingenuity.

Nick: That’s right. We’re all about innovation. Creativity. Using things in new ways.

Cat: That’s true. That’s very true.

UC reps had better watch their backs...

Flyby: Any funny stories from the campaign?

Nick: I can think of a fun one!

Thank God.

Nick: One of the printers was running out of ink, and when we were printing it just turned out green...like aliens.

Guess not.

Flyby: Who do you now declare to be “losers”?

Nick: Harvard.

Our thoughts exactly.

Flyby: Let’s play a game. Yay, nay, or “I couldn’t possibly comment”? Yale?

Cat: Nay.

Nick: Nay.

Rakesh Rapping Hamilton?

Cat: Yay.

Nick: Yay.

Lamont?

Cat: Nay.

Nick: Oy.

Consulting?

Cat and Nick: Yay if it’s yay for you, nay if it’s nay for you.

Are you politicians or something?

In all seriousness, we’d like to thank Cat and Nick for the opportunity to interview them and their good sense of humor. See them in action at UC meetings this year.

Better Ways to Spend $200 Than on Man of the Year


The theatrical demigod known as the Hasty Pudding tacked a $200 price tag onto seeing your classmates roast Paul Rudd. Now, we love Paul Rudd, but $200 is insane, especially because we all forget the Pudding exists for eleven-and-a-half months of the year. The primarily-male organization has long prided itself on its inclusivity and ability to attract viewers who were given tickets for free. But if you are a student who enjoys spending money on things that are reasonably priced, we have created a list of other ways you can spend $200.

Two Hundred Sausage McGriddles

Now, you may be thinking, “Nick, I can’t watch a sausage McGriddle give Paul Rudd an award!” And you’re right. But has watching Paul Rudd receive an award ever satisfied your hunger, or enhanced your life to any degree at all? No. I’m honestly just craving a McGriddle right now. Moving on.

A Donation to Women's Project Theater

WP Theater is a company exclusively devoted to supporting the work of female-identified and transgender theater artists and has helped launch dozens of your favorite female theater artists. They’re always accepting donations. It may be weird to know that there is an organization out there that is...y’know...supportive of diversity, but we can assure you that there is!

Four Autographed Images of Paul Rudd Getting Hosed Down in Anchorman 2

A quick eBay search taught me that you can buy one of the most iconic images in comedic film history with Paul Rudd’s autograph for $50. With it, you can lie to your family saying that you went to the Pudding roast, met him, and got him to sign a picture for you. They will then ask you what the Pudding is, and you can promptly walk away.

Up to 20 Other Theatrical or Musical Performances from Harvard Student Organizations

The Harvard-Radcliffe Orchestra performs symphonies for $10. The Harvard-Radcliffe Gilbert and Sullivan Players perform musicals for $10. The Harvard-Radcliffe Dramatic Club perform original musicals for free. Heck, even multiple tickets to Oberon are cheaper than the Pudding. Take this information and plan your theatrical/musical expenditures accordingly.

Two-and-a-Half Tickets to See the Pudding Give Mila Kunis an Award

Given the very inclusive nature of the Pudding, the fact that it values Mila Kunis’s presence at a third of the cost of Paul Rudd’s is absolutely shocking. Moreover, at the reasonable-but-still-not-really-reasonable price point of $80, an attendant is still not given the privilege of wearing a suit and tie to sit down for an hour—a requirement for Rudd’s presentation. We don’t know who decided that Kunis ought to be priced so far below Rudd, but we can only assume that they got a C in EC1010a.

A Ticket to an Actual Show on Broadway

Believe it or not, tickets to Broadway shows not named Hamilton or Dear Evan Hansen are cheaper than tickets to the Pudding’s event. Factoring in the cost of a Greyhound bus and an aforementioned McGriddle in case you get hungry, you could feasibly take a bus to New York, watch The Book of Mormon on Broadway, and be back in your room in the evening for less than the cost of a ticket to the Hasty Pudding. But hey, there’s a parade where you can kind-of sort-of see Paul Rudd for fifteen seconds and take a blurry picture for your Snapchat instead.

Don’t let these proposals deter you from buying a ticket to the Pudding’s presentation. If you enjoy making bad decisions, go right ahead. Just know that a belly of McDonald’s is available at a fraction of the cost.

Thoughts the First Week Back from Break

Rainy Day
Primarily dark, stormy thoughts.

We’re all back from break (even those who extended their vacation into Shopping Week, I hope), and everything is starting up again faster than Usain Bolt on a pre-final dose of speed. Here are some things that are bound to have crossed your mind.

Welp. I did nothing.

Except binge-watched Netflix all day, ate chips in bed, then slept for sixteen hours. Hello, thirty internship/funding applications I haven’t done yet!

Well, maybe there was that one thing.

Controlling ants with sticks like you were their sadistic, malevolent god was pretty fun. And productive...what are you looking at? It’s insect behavior research!

Why is everyone here so slow?

They talk slow. They walk slow. They eat slow. They even breathe slow. How the hell are you supposed to get to a class that’s ten minutes away in two minutes with a gaggle of freshmen walking four-across one of those narrow Yard paths?

I am an alcoholic.

Okay, remember when you told your parents “I’m not drinking for the rest of my life?” Right. You meant until you got back to college. Tell yourself that you’re not drinking yourself to death when you’re eight shots into a handle of vodka by 6 p.m. and drunk-calling your ex who cheated on you with your blockmate.

I love school!

The people that surround you every day, the classes, the atmosphere, being in Boston—what more could someone ask for?

Jk...I hate school.

The people that surround you every day, the classes, the atmosphere, being in Boston—why the hell did I come back?

Where’s the home-cooked food?

Apparently, El Jefe’s can’t fill the constantly growing void in your heart and soul like your mom’s home-cooked food can. Keep eating Cool Ranch Doritos for dinner. But they’ll never be good enough.

When’s the next break?

I can’t take this anymore. Get me out of here.

Shopping Week Mistakes

If you play your cards right, shopping week can simply be an extension of winter break: catching up with friends all day, and then partying every night. Plan poorly, and you’re in for a week of hell. Don’t play yourself, avoid these shopping week mistakes:

Shopping a 9 a.m. class…and liking it

The best way to make sure you’re not in any early-morning classes is to not even consider them in the first place. Trust us, it’s not worth it—no matter how interesting the subject, or how cute the TF.

Getting there early

There’s nothing worse than getting a seat near the front of the class and then watching the room fill up, as you realize with horror that you’ve got no clear escape route. Were you thinking of shopping another class after the first half hour? Too bad; you’ll either have to stay put, walk in front of the projector, or trample your potential future classmates on the way out.

Missing a class that only meets once a week

If you’re considering shopping some niche seminar that only meets once a week, make sure you don’t sleep through it. You’ll either spend the whole semester in a class you don’t like, or wonder for the rest of your life if you missed out on a transformative experience.

Shopping classes that are actually challenging and intellectually fulfilling

You mean you actually came to Harvard to learn from illustrious professors and engage in stimulating conversation? Oh please, stop being such a hardo and just take an easy Gen Ed. You might even meet a hookup on the football team along the way.

Please, For the Love of All Things Good, Let Me Into Your Class

Last Chance
Make me as happy as this guy to learn! Preferably in your class!

Dear Professor of Limited Enrollment/Capacity Class I Really Need to Get Into,

Hi. I’m applying for your class firstly because there are only fifteen spots and I love to be disappointed. Secondly, I looked at courses.my.harvard.edu for a mind-numbing eight hours and could still only find three classes that were even marginally suited to my interests and concentration. Furthermore, because I never do shopping week correctly or pick a substantial amount of back-up classes, if I don’t get into this class, I have no choice but to take a massive lecture hall Gen Ed with a pun in the title (Pyramid Schemes, I’m looking at you). I really would prefer not to do that. So, I am here to beg and cry a little for your blessing and confirmation of my enrollment request.

Now I know I may not be the most qualified student out of the approximate three hundred individuals who showed up to the first meeting, but I guess I’m here to receive a transformative liberal arts education. Unfortunately, thus far I haven’t been able to get educated because I cannot get into any classes. This is one reason why I have no qualifications to take your class. If I get into this class, I will have at least something to talk about on my application when I foolishly repeat this shopping week stalemate scenario next semester. So, you’d really be doing me a huge favor, for which I will repay you by contributing once per class and doing at least one-third of the readings you assign!

I also don’t know why I’m being judged on the quality of the materials I submit, mostly because I’m taking this class because I don’t know the content, and therefore cannot produce the high quality material needed to get into the class. But, this class meets only once a week and I really need that right now, so I will absolutely send you an application full of deceit and ass-kissing. One day, I hope you’ll forgive me.

Also, because you will inevitably inform all the applicants only on Thursday whether or not they get in, I have no additional time to shop classes. And, like I stated previously, I am an incompetent buffoon who makes only bad decisions, so I will only have one confirmed class at that time, and it’ll likely be one of those lectures in the Science Center because they’re the only classes that will have me. Please, I really don’t want to take Stat 104. I am not cut out for math.

I would really just like to complete my degree with classes that don’t make me contemplate dropping out, and I feel like that’s not really asking for too much. I know the five class requirements needed for my secondary is a huge undertaking, but with your help I can complete it and have something else to add to the Saddest Resume in the Universe.

I will also give you $10.

Looking forward to the fake sympathy in your rejection email,

A Desperate Yet Deserving Harvard Undergraduate

Dude, That's Rude: Shopping Week


Shopping week is not exactly retail therapy. In fact, we often need therapy after the trials and tribulations that come with a whole week of making decisions. Balancing concentration requirements and Gen Eds is enough of a struggle, so why must we also deal with other stressors? The ER requirement is rude enough. Flip to page one of the syllabus for an outline of even ruder shopping week missteps.

Giving real content in the first lecture

We only got out of bed for this 10 a.m. to see if the “gem” rumors are true. You’re off to a bad start if you pack actual course material into the first lecture. And there’s really no need to use the full hour and a half—we just want to get in, grab a syllabus, judge the gem-ness of the class, and get out.

Booking too small a room for a popular class

We refuse to be crammed into the corner of a tiny Sever classroom again, especially if you know that your class will draw a crowd. Since we shop many more classes than we end up taking, it should be obvious that you will have more shoppers than actual students. Please plan accordingly and upscale your classroom.

Making homework due during shopping week

This move is so rude that it barely merits an explanation. We don’t even know if we’re taking your class yet, and we’re probably juggling it with the ten other classes in our Crimson Carts, so spare us the agony. It could be a good strategy, though, if you’re looking to drastically reduce your class size. Rest assured no one will be coming back next week.

Releasing lottery results after shopping week is over

We’re Harvard students. We don’t like uncertainty. We want to have our schedules locked down as early into shopping week as possible, so please don’t wait until the weekend to let us know if we lotteried into your class. Put us out of our misery by Wednesday—Thursday at the latest.

The transition from break to school life is always brutal, so we beg you: don’t make it harder than it needs to be. If we see you committing one of these shopping week faux pas, don’t be surprised to hear us (respectfully) say: (Professor) Dude, that’s rude.

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