The blog of The Harvard Crimson

A Gathering of Snakes: Overheard at the Ec Midterm

Every year, hundreds of snakes—that is, econ-interested Harvard students—hail from near and far to learn from their fearlessssssssssss leader Gregory Mankiw as they undertake Ec10a and b. On Wednesday, March 28th, they gathered at the witching hour of 7:40 p.m. to battle it out and prove themselves on the Ec10b midterm. In an attempt to learn more about the culture of the prospective members of one of Harvard’s most notorious concentrations, Flyby went undercover to the midterm with open ears.

On Mindset

“You ready?”

“Well, I guess now I have to be.”

We suppose there’s something to be said for blatant honesty...at this point there’s not much you can do anyway.

“I’m scared.”

Honestly, aren’t we all?

On Preparation

“Did you study at all?”

“Eh, a little bit. I did the unit reviews, which were actually pretty helpful. I mean, I didn’t actually go to them, but I did them afterward.”

“Well, I actually went to the unit reviews.”

“Wow, you go hard!”

The bar is set pretty low if going to low-commitment, high-reward review sessions is now considered “going hard”, but all the best to you in your future pursuits. You might just be the one ec kid that doesn’t get a freshman summer internship at BCG—bummer.

On Knowledge

“What’s 1 divided by 0.05?”

*pause*

“Well, using fractions is always a good way to start.”

On the course description it says, “We will not use calculus.” But maybe some basic algebra skills would be helpful?

“It’s high low low high.”

“No, it’s low high high low.”

“Wait, no, I think it might be the opposite…”

Sounds a bit like how your mood and stress levels might go as you take the midterm if you’re this unsure this late in the game.

On Strategic Seating

“We should sit here! This is like where we sit for Hebrew Bible!”

Psychology definitely says that you should sit in the same seat for both lectures and tests, but I’m not sure if this recommendation stands across subjects. Although the more you think about it, aren’t Ec and Hebrew Bible both just classes for people trying to find the easiest path towards the most reward in life?

An alternative strategy to choosing a seat:

“It might just be a random seat, but I need it!”

Because by some crazy magic, exam rooms are packed, while during lecture the only person around is Mankiw—except sometimes he isn’t either.

On Grading

“If you’re in my grading group, you’re going to be just fine.”

Ah yes, you’ve always got to find those people in your grading group who make the rest of you look great. AVOID SECTION KID AT ALL COSTS.

“Dude, wreck the curve for me.”

Would it even be a Harvard exam if there wasn’t some discussion of the curve?

Now that the exam is over, all that was left to do was sit and wait and hope that the Ec gods blessed you with a grading group that makes your mediocre score look good. To all the ec-devoted students out there, we hope the curve was in your favor!

How To Avoid People in the Dhall

Hi berg
If you play your cards right, you could be in Berg at a peaceful time like this, with no fear of awkward encounters.

We all have those people that we would rather not run into, whether it is because you have sat next to them in section for the past three months without learning their name or because you had a particularly unforgettable but unfortunate experience with them. Now that you have decided you can no longer see this person anymore, they suddenly pop up everywhere in your life, including the most important time of the day—meal time. Here are some tricks you can use to avoid them in the dining hall.

Eat at different times

You may have noticed that they get breakfast at 9, lunch at noon, and dinner at 6 everyday. However, many people spend a lot of hours in the dining hall. One way to get around this is to bribe the dhall staff to let you eat at other times. Breakfast at 6 a.m., Lunch at 11, and dinner at 3:30 are guaranteed to be times when you won’t see them— in fact, you probably won’t see anyone. Enjoy the solitude while thinking about how glad you are to avoid awkward eye contact for those three seconds.

Have your friends protect you

True friends always have your back, and they should help you to spot and avoid anyone in the dining hall. For optimal protection, have your friends form a pod around you and shield you anywhere you go, Secret Service-style. Bonus points if your friends commit to wearing ear pieces and suits while escorting you through the line and to put your tray away.

Wear a mask to the dhall

Keep your identity a secret à la Superman by wearing a mask to the dining hall (tights and cape optional). With your new identity, you can confidently walk past the person you need to avoid without batting an eye. Just make sure that you let a few confidantes in on your secret, or the dining hall may be a lonely time.

Develop a code with the HUDS staff

HUDS workers, specifically the people swiping students into the dining hall, can be your first line of defense. Creating a code where John from Annenberg hoots like an owl whenever said person enters and distracts them would give you enough time to start planning your escape.

Hopefully, with these tips, you will never have to make awkward eye contact or small talk with that weirdo from the MQC or that friend of your roommate who you cannot stand. If these don’t work, house transfer applications are still open or a nice, relaxing gap year might do the trick to ease your dining hall woes.

Harvard's War on Sex

Free Condoms at Sex Week
Sex, baby, let's talk about you and me...
There they are. Your eyes lock across the crowded Cabot Aquarium, just as you swerve to keep from brushing against a sweaty football player’s bare back, nearly dropping your red Solo cup. You make your way to each other and exchange pleasantries. At this point, the party’s drawing to a close, so it’s time to head back and get down to business, right? Wrong. Harvard has been conspiring to keep you a virgin all along.

Tiny, flimsy beds

Unless you live in a luxurious single in the Quad, you’re probably forced to sleep in a narrow twin bed. It’s already small enough for one person, let alone two (or more, wink wink). And if it seems like Harvard gave you a ridiculously squeaky bed frame, chances are they did it purposefully.

Thin walls

There’s nothing worse than heading to the dhall for a hearty morning-after breakfast and having half of your House look at you knowingly. It also sucks to be on the other side of the paper-thin wall, when you can hear your suitemate’s every sound—although it is pretty fun to listen to their awkward pillow talk.

No privacy

You can never quite escape the prying eyes of that one roommate who insisted they move their bed into the common room. Plus, while other schools have RAs, Harvard decided to place actual adult tutors or proctors in every entryway, which can make for some awkward encounters.

The free condoms are a myth

Those condom dispensers in the bathrooms are forever empty. This means that you have to be optimistic about the night’s events and squeeze in a trip to CVS—where, again, you could run into pretty much anyone—at some point on Saturday afternoon.

The pickings are slim

Harvard provides us with a binary social scene: Everyone here is either a recluse or a narcissist, neither of which has much sex appeal. So, even if you’re able to overcome all the previous obstacles, you’re not guaranteed a caring, sexy partner to get it on with.

If we learned anything in Expos, it’s that evidence matters. And the evidence all points to an elaborate conspiracy on Harvard’s part. Don’t be surprised if there’s an email about this from Drew Faust herself in your inbox tomorrow morning.

Get Yourself a Quad Daddy

Shuttle
We know you don't really want to take the shuttle home. Text that Quad Daddy.

We told the Quadlings why they need a River Daddy, but it’s not just Quad folk who need refuge—there are plenty of reasons why you River dwellers should get yourself a Quad Daddy.

The Weekend Sleepover

When you’re smashed at a party in Cabot Aquarium and it’s 3 a.m., how are you going to get home? Walking? Ew. Uber? Not everyone has that kind of money. It’s much easier to sleep over at your Quad Daddy’s house than make that awful trek back. Plus, most Quad kids have singles, meaning Quad Daddy doesn’t need to ask permission from a roommate.

The Shuttle Avoidance

It’s Friday. Do you really want to get on the shuttle to go back to the river? That never-actually-running phantom train that may or may not exist? The one that consistently contains strange characters and drunk freshmen? That’s what I thought. You’re lazy and you know it. Might as well stay there for the weekend.

Pfoho Daddy

House guinea pigs? Orthography? Massage chairs? Use your Pfoho Daddy to stage weekend getaways where you walk around Pfoho in a robe looking like French royalty, while gazing upon Quad residents like they’re the Parisian peasantry. Just be careful to not let them cut off your head... Let your Pfoho Daddy guide you through the wilderness.

Cabot Daddy

Slide into Cabot and you also have an in with Rakesh. He’ll rap Hamilton for you. He’ll waive your sanctions. What more could you possibly ask for? Your Cabot Daddy and the rest of Cabot's are pluses too.

Currier Daddy

Currier. Has. Segways. The only reason you need to find a Currier Daddy is to gain access to those coveted gifts from paradise. Plus, their mascot is Woody the Tree, so you can really easily ask your Currier Daddy to show you Woody *winks*.

So call all your friends that you know in the Qua... oh, right. You know no one in the Quad. Better get to some parties up there. Get yourself a Quad Daddy.

The Ones That Got Away: Yardfest Artists

Tiësto Arrives
Hands up if you're ready for round two!
Yardfest is coming upon us and as excited as we may be for Wale and Lil Yachty lighting up Tercentenary Theater, we can’t help but muse about what could’ve been...

Kidzbop

Want all of the Top 40 hits at a fraction of the cost (and talent)? Sure, the lyrics are censored to the point of being unrecognizable, but we can’t tell through the alcohol and screaming.

The Fifth Runner up of The Voice

Look, Harvard’s economic troubles are hurting us all and we’ve got to cut some corners if we want to keep the lifestyle we’re used to. Want something even more economical and indie? Just make the openers the main event. Although, we will need new openers for the openers....

Tiesto again

Would anyone notice? If he plays different songs it’s basically a whole different concert. It’s all just background music for ignoring our essays and psets anyway. Does it really matter who presses that “play” button on the playlist?

One Hit Wonder (who only plays that one song they're famous for)

We don’t need a collection of bops, just one to get us through the afternoon. It might actually be better if we just stick to one tune so we don’t need to spend 45 minutes pretending we know their entire discography.

A boy/girl band (minus the one good person)

NSYNC but no JT. Spice Girls sans Victoria. Jonas Brothers but it's actually just Kevin. It’s the same catchy songs, just with less vocals. We’d barely notice the difference. In fact, we could literally replace all of the members and not be able to tell. That might actually be cheaper.

Look, no matter who headlines, Yardfest will have us all drunkenly screaming and jamming along. But if the CEB wants to start planning for 2019, these are all guaranteed to at least spark some controversy (if not excitement).

Mid-Class Musings

Science and Cooking Lecture Series
Tag yourself in lecture.

There's nothing like zoning out in a lecture just as your professor tells you exactly what to expect on the midterm. We've all had these internal dialogues before.

Woohoo, woke up at 9 a.m. for a 9 a.m. class and still made it to class on time. Go me. Go Harvard Time.

Wait, wasn’t there an article that said they were getting rid of Harvard Time? No no no no please no. If there were no Harvard Time, I’d actually have to wake up before 9 a.m. for my 9 a.m. class. The audacity!

Crap did I bring my homework...

Shit shit shit shit shit–found it!

God bless. That would’ve been bad. I stayed up so late last night finishing this damn pset.

I wonder who else stayed up last night finishing the pset. Nobody looks particularly tired today. Maybe everyone but me has their life together. Maybe I should try Red Bull.

Today, I GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. Grrrr...the Lululemon logo on that girl’s headband is staring me down. I get it okay? I’ll go to the gym after class.

But I’m hungry...

Can the TF please explain things properly and stop trying to relate to the youth? “The marginal benefit of Starbucks making another latte?” Stop trying to make economics cool, it’s never going to happen. Now I want a latte. Oh and maybe a chocolate croissant. And a bagel?

Food food food food.

Food.

Why doesn’t “food” sound like “hood.” It looks like it should sound like “hood.” Or “good.”

Bood...cood...dood…dude?! Why is “dude” spelled like “dude” but “food” isn’t spelled like “fude”?

Fude. Fuuuude. Fuuuuude. Fuuuuuu-

Now the TF is staring at me. Bruh, I’ve already had enough guilt-tripping from Ms. Lululemon over there. Did I accidentally say “fude” aloud?

Fud? Feed? Thank god, he looked away. I can break eye contact and return my eyes to the cutie in the corner. Wow, he has a nice back-of-head thing going on. He’s a real looker, but no match for the main attraction:

The clock. Don’t worry babe, you have all my attention.

Yes, I love the way you tick on. Almost there, 9:45 a.m. You got this.

Wow, this TF is reallllly trying to teach until the end of the hour. I believed in you. I would laugh at your “hip” economics analogies if you let us out just five minutes early. Ugh.

Good...hood...jood...kood...lood...mood…I am so hungry.

Forget “Naked and Afraid,” I’m Hungry and Exhausted. A new hit show starring every student at Harvard.

Need to focus. Hungry. Focus. Hungry. Focus. Hocus. Pocus.

What even is this graph? Oh man, I actually think I remember this graph from the textbook reading I skimmed over last night. Maybe I can ask a question about this graph, and the TF will like me because I’m so obviously engaged and I clearly pored over the Principles of Economics.

Yeah, I’m gonna raise my ha—class is over? What? Omg it’s already 10:01. But I didn’t learn anything. No, wait, don’t turn off the powerpoint I just need to copy down that last sli–

FUDE TIME!

Wale and Lil Yachty to Headline Yardfest

Just tonight, following the Battle for Yardfest in Sanders Theater, the CEB announced this year’s Yardfest headliners: Wale and Lil Yachty.

The D.C. native and the “bubblegum trap” god will surely put on a good outdoor show, which we’ll all be “Chillin” at. The CEB’s pick of two well-known rap artists is welcome after two years of EDM, and er...Jessie J.

I’m personally overjoyed, having worshipped the Wale poster in my room since the seventh grade, and also having endured my dad’s purposeful mispronunciations of his name as “Whale” since then. (For those of you who aren’t hip, Wale is pronounced Wah-lay. And for those whose primary exposure to rap music is at final club parties, you know him from his “Look ma, no hands” verse. As for Lil Yachty, he’s the guy on “Broccoli”’s opening verse, and he also had a verse on “iSpy.”)

While Wale has been a big name for a decade, Lil Yachty, at only 20 years old, is up-and-coming. Before his music career seriously launched, Yachty modeled Yeezy’s Yeezy line at Madison Square Garden, and he originally hails from Atlanta. His features on the aforementioned frat playlist tracks skyrocketed him to fame, and he recently released his second album, creatively titled Lil Boat 2 (the follow up to Lil Boat).

So if you still got your Nike Boots, and a gold grill lying around, break them out in time for April 13th.

Flyby Matchmaker: What Do Tomasz and Thomas Have In Common?


For Flyby Matchmaker 2018’s first date, we craftily chose two young men with similar names: Tomasz P. Wojtasik ’21 and Thomas G. Dumbach ’18. Despite the age difference, they bonded over breakfast at the Harvard Art Museums Cafe (courtesy of yours truly). We caught up with them after the date to hear all about their impressions.

Tomasz: He showed up late but I’m early for everything and it was a Sunday morning, so it’s fine.

Thomas: I think I was running on Harvard time. The instructions said to meet at the cafe, so I wasn’t sure if he would be there.

Tomasz: The cafe was pretty empty so he just walked over to me.

Thomas: It became quite apparent when I strolled to the entrance, I think there was maybe some old couple and a single, young Harvard student.

Tomasz: I had actually met him before, because he had run the freshman intramural spelling bee, so it was more of a second impression.

Thomas: It took me a few minutes to realize. He started talking about his passionate involvement with freshman intramural sports, and then I said, “Oh yeah, I remember.”

Thomas and Tomasz
C'mon Van Gogh, three's a crowd.
Tomasz: We started with the typical Harvard stuff, and then we talked about how classes were going, politics, housing for next year…Even though we’re in different years we know some of the same people. We both have an interest for languages.

Thomas: The conversation was smooth. I loved the setting because art museums are kind of where I go to relax. It’s here but it feels like it’s not quite campus.

Tomasz: We mostly stayed in the cafe. We walked around to find a painting to take the selfie with, but other than that we were in the cafe.

Thomas: Once someone is here [at Harvard] we’re kind of speaking the same language. He’s a freshman but he took a gap year, so [the age difference] is not a big issue.

Tomasz: In terms of relationship potential, it’s a bit weird because he’s leaving in like two months…I’m not sure if it’s worth it, if that makes sense.

What’s an even better story than “we met at the freshman intramural spelling bee”? Obviously, meeting at a Matchmaker blind date. T and T may have to part ways at the end of the semester, but they clearly look great together (with or without Van Gogh). Plus, as Wojtasik put it, “The food was really good. So, for the future, the cafe is a great place to go.”

You heard it from him. If you want to find true love over quiche, muffins, and cappuccino, sign up for Matchmaker here. We promise you’ll have something (although maybe not a name) in common with your date.

xoxo,
Flyby Matchmaker

How Bad Is Your Second Semester Slump?

slightly slumped
On a scale of one to This Guy, where do you fall?
Midterms have effectively crushed your soul. Remember when you at least had spring break to look forward to? Now, your only reward is seeing how you score on this sad scale, because you gave up on scoring high on things that mattered ages ago. Tally up your points below to find out the extent to which you’ve given up on the semester:

You’ve stopped going to class (10 points)

It’s a given that lectures are all optional but, see, the problem is that you’ve also missed some sections here and there. Remember to save some of those unexcused absences for a reading period before reading period—you’ll need them even more desperately then!

Your sleeping/eating schedule is a mess (15 points)

You’ve been surviving on your roommate’s supply of dhall apples; that is, until someone says “Let’s go to Jefe’s” at midnight and you end up eating a three-course meal. Then it’s time to start that paper…

The MAC is no longer a presence in your life (20 points)

Unfortunately, your irreconcilable differences are too great to overcome.

You texted a random one-night stand from last semester a few days ago (25 points)

Okay, we can’t blame you for this one. How are you supposed to meet new people when it’s too cold to go outside and your best outfit is a pair of sweatpants with your freshman dorm t-shirt?

Every night somehow turns into “wine night” (30 points)

Don’t worry mom, I’m not an alcoholic, just a college kid enjoying the best years of my life!

YOUR RESULTS

10-25: You’re starting to go off the deep end, but you don’t elicit enough pity yet. No one wants to hear you complain about how “crazy” it is that that you slept in a few minutes this morning. Try harder.

30-70: We’re beginning to worry about your hygiene and erratic habits. Like, you probably go to Widener for the peace and quiet just so you can watch Netflix.

75-100: To anyone who met you last semester, you’re virtually unrecognizable. Same goes for your professors, because they’ve never met you. We don’t really know what to suggest at this point. Vitamin D pills?

Elevator Pet Peeves

SC Elevators
Science Center elevators between 10 and 10:07 a.m., a scary sight.
It’s that kind of day. You’re rushing into the doors of Sever or squishing yourself into the same revolving door at the Science Center. Even with the gift of Harvard Time, you’re running late, and your class is on the fourth floor. You could take the stairs, but leg day isn’t scheduled for another three weeks.

That leaves the elevator, a marvelous contraption—save for the unbearable types of people in them. Elevators may save you time (and fatigue), but are they worth the awkward interactions stretched out over agonizing seconds? To settle this dilemma, we have gathered some elevator pet peeves that just may convince you to take the stairs from now on.

Overcrowders

If your TF is the type to drag out the end of class and keep you in two minutes over, good luck trying to squeeze into the elevator. Even if you somehow defy the laws of physics and compact yourself in, you’ll spend the next few minutes contorted against people’s stomachs, backs, and butts, making for an uncomfortable experience for everyone.

Mouthbreathers

These lovely humans are the icing on top of the sardine cake. The only thing possibly worse than squishing against a stranger is having another stranger squish against you and audibly breathe down your neck or face. Better pray they didn’t have tuna for lunch.

Twenty-way Callers

Were you expecting a peaceful, quiet trip to the first floor, immersed in only your thoughts? Please, these are self-absorbed Harvard students we’re talking about. Expect to be roped into the angry rant of the girl on her phone next to you, or an intimidating business call from Mr. Goldman Sachs. You’ll reach your destination, but you’ll emerge from the elevator with a disconcerting amount of personal information you never asked for.

Button Mashers

If you've ever actually encountered one of these, I’m truly sorry. Do you want to talk about it?

Malfunctions

Imagine rising from your seat in Cabot Library at 4 a.m., eyes bleary, soul absent. By then, you’re too drained to even attempt to take the stairs to turn in your pset, so you opt for the elevator. You’re relishing the peace of an empty elevator...until it shudders to a stop somewhere between the third and fourth floor. As someone who has personally experienced this scenario, it’s not fun.

Awkward Encounters

The silent interactions between you and the only other person in the elevator are a true testament to human connection. You can try your hardest to avoid eye contact, you can grimace that ~stranger to stranger smile~, or you can force out small talk, but the palpable awkwardness will still sit in the air. No getting around this one; it's simply a race to see who can exit the elevator—and the awkward encounter—first.

So what’s more appealing? Awkward eye contact and invasions of personal space, or 30 seconds of physical strain? You know the answer.

How to Pull Off an Email Scam, by “Drew Faust”

Scam Email
Robinson Crusoe wants your money and he wants it now.

Earlier today, Zack Cooper, Assistant Professor of Health Policy and of Economics at Yale, tweeted a screenshot of this email asking him to apply to speak at Harvard’s Commencement (in exchange for the miniscule, totally-not-a-scam request of his credit card information). In this revealing email, totally written by Drew Faust (long live the Kween), we see evidence of the best communication etiquette. Here’s what you need to know to impersonate Faust and pull off the most credible email heist of all time.

The Proper Greeting

In order to successfully impersonate Harvard’s 28th president, start your scam email off with the same greeting you give the section guy you hooked up with last night. “Hi” works, but other acceptable greetings include “Yikes,” “Don’t tell anyone about this or I swear to God,” and “*averts eyes and cries on the inside because you know he also lives in your House.*”

The Praise

“Harvard University is a big Fan of your work” is something we know we’ll never hear, but it’s the kind of compliment that would get us to do anything. Prime your target by buttering them up with this sweet sweet praise of “that thing [they] do” and prepare to make your proposal.

The Incentive

There are a lot of great offers in this email, which is what makes it so successful. Getting Drew to help you with a speech and having it on “the Harvard University YouTube channel”? Plus, “Grants,” of $3 million?! And all of that for two low payments of $1500. Sounds like a great deal to us.

The Extortion

Sending money to castaway Robinson Crusoe, who apparently lives in Missouri, totally checks out. Missouri is basically the same as an unknown island in the middle of the ocean—it’s only home to people who didn’t end up there on purpose, it’s probably a tax haven for economists named Larry, and we really have no clue where it is.

So, next time you’re impersonating the president of a university to ask for money, or begging your TF for another extension, keep these tricks in mind for a successful email, and keep scamming.

The Seven Personalities At Every Harvard Party

Party Suites on Campus
Personality Honorable Mention: The kid who thinks they're incredible at pong.

If you’ve ever been to a Harvard party—yes, those do exist—you’ve probably met at least one of these party personalities. If you haven’t, then it’s probably you.

The winggirl/wingman

Even with some liquid courage, most of us are still too shy to approach that cute person we’ve been eyeing across the room. After all, we all fall somewhere on the socially awkward spectrum. The winggirl/wingman is well versed in the practice of extolling your many (or limited) virtues and knows that their job isn’t complete until you are heading out the door for some “Tasty Burger.”

The guy that’s trying too hard

You know who we're talking about. You’re at a party just trying to have a good time, and some guy just inserts himself into the circle. As a collective whole, you and your friends relocate. But this mans is persistent. Next thing you know, he’s back making eyes at you. And when he finally gets the hint, he starts making moves on your friends. How many places can a group relocate in a tiny dorm?!

The designated c*ckblock

We’ve all been there. Someone gets a little too close for comfort and we start to panic. Well, that’s what the designated CB is for. When we need them the most, they slide right in between us and the offender. The designated CB personality comes in multiple forms—it is also the friend you implore to keep you from making bad decisions that you will end up making anyway. In this way, the designated CB will try to keep you away from the target, be it a Bumble date or Burnette's bottle, but their success may vary.

The girl that’s just waiting for her friends to finish making fools of themselves so she can get El Jefe’s

Okay, there’s something to be said for a good party. But have you ever had a cheese quesadilla from El Jefe’s? Or better yet, have you ever had a cheese quesadilla from El Jefe’s at 2 a.m.? This girl is dying inside watching her friends engage in questionable behavior, but she knows that if she can stay strong, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

The mom friend/dad friend

While there is no need for a designated driver, the long walk back from the Quad can be treacherous. I think it’s safe to say that if not for the parent friend, there is a very real possibility of being lost in the Quad, never to return. On top of their navigational responsibilities, the parent friend is the friend that will keep your thirst under control—making sure that you both get plenty of water and aren't coming on too strong.

The one just tryna forget their problems

Whether it’s three psets that were due last week or the stupid guy that just won’t text back, where better to evade your problems than at a party? Or more accurately, where better to create bigger problems instead? This person will look like they’re having the time of their life, but when you spend 12 hours Monday through Friday on the grind, watching paint dry could qualify as a good time.

The one that’s GONE

"I did what at the party?"

As the "warmer" weather of spring approaches, the campus party drive grows stronger and these personalities come out to play. Make sure to look out for them during your next rendezvous, so you know who to keep track of (the one that's gone) and who to ask to hold your hair back (the mom friend).

The 2018 Definitive Housing Day T-Shirt Ranking

We ranked the mascots. We ranked the videos. And now, to give you one last chance to boast your House came out on top this Housing Week, we rank the Housing Day t-shirts.

1. Dunster

Honestly, this was hands-down the best. #SorryNotSorry but no one can top The Office (even though it was a gimme reference).

2. Adams

We’re suckers for the color scheme of this shirt. The degree of extra with not one, but two, Latin phrases could have made this shirt go either way in the ranking.

3. Winthrop

We appreciate the Drake reference on the back paired with the simplicity of the front.

4. Cabot

This was pretty good, even if no one outside of Cabot understands the pirate ship—what happened to the cod? Bonus points for being extra and offering three options for type of shirt.

5. Kirkland

Bragging about the only thing they have going for them—dogs—and we’re not mad.

6. Leverett

Honestly, this shirt is really simple, but really aesthetically pleasing with the bunny on top of one of the “T”s.

Mather Pride on Mass. Ave
Thank you Mather, we have all waited for Incredibles 2 far too long.

7. Mather

Thank you for getting us hyped for Incredibles 2—the wait has been way too long. Is Mather really incredible though? You tell us.

8. Eliot

Everyone wearing this shirt must’ve felt like they had an elephant sitting on their chests. Not comfy.

9. Quincy

We get it, penguins can’t fly. “Fly Quincy.” Please end this bit.

10. Lowell

We like the play on construction, but the phrase on the back was, well, not great.

11. Pfoho

Seltzer?? No one likes seltzer! Honestly we’re just mad because we initially thought this was a play on the Klondike logo and we have never been more disappointed to be wrong in our lives.

12. Currier

Your hats were better.

The 2018 Definitive Housing Day Video Ranking


Don’t even bother trying to hide the fact that you procrastinated the hell out of last week by watching Housing Day videos. We did too. For those of you out there who have self control and stopped after a few, we ranked all the vids for you, so you have an excuse to fall back down that rabbit hole.

Eliot - ‘BODAK ELIOT’
4.6 stars

This year, Eliot takes the cake in creating what may have been the most hype video of the year. With great costumes, great lyrics, and fun and creative cinematography, Eliot achieves both hype and humor. Everyone knows they’re rolling in dough, and we appreciate them leaning into it.

Dunster - ‘Holding Out for Dunster’
4.5 stars

Dunster continues its trend of high quality videos complete with great vocals and amazing effects. What the video lacks in humor, they kind of make up for in cute children and the image of a moose riding nobly on a horse.

Mather- ‘Mathier Parti
4.3 stars

In a surprising turn of events, Mather gets a high rating. This was the second Cardi B song of the year, but are we mad? No. Points for consistent firing of shots and for making us forget how prison-like Mather is with all the singles braggin. Bonus points for not bleeping any of the swear words. Ballsy.

Pforzheimer - ‘Pforzheimer Things
4 stars

Pfoho came through with INCREDIBLE CINEMATOGRAPHY. The only reason this isn’t at the top is because, well, Cardi. And horses. Sorry, that’s just how the world works. But we are very impressed.

Cabot - ‘Party in The Quad All Day
4 stars

Cabot’s wholesome video made us feel warm inside. Maybe getting quadded isn’t so bad, with a community like Cabot’s.

Leverett - ‘BunnyBack
3.8 stars

With a cool drone shot, pizza rolls, and a corgi, Lev has all the elements a successful video needs. It’s not the best video ever made, but it has those three elements, so we’d say Leverett has earned their stars.

Winthrop - ‘Throp’s Plan
3.7 stars

For a video made with a “$150 minus $150” budget, this video featured a lion with some pretty solid dance moves. Though the overall video wasn’t too bad, Winthrop knew that they did not need to work too hard in the hype department to get freshmen stoked, and it shows.

Currier - ‘Woody Gang’
3.5 stars

We thought we had left "Gucci Gang" in 2017, but Currier redeems itself by featuring dogs and a cool duck. Extra points for cringe.

Quincy - ‘Quincy Air
3 stars

As Flyby, I guess we should give Quincy some credit for trying to have a flying theme. Though the attempts at humor via flirty comments weren’t the worst things we’ve ever been subjected to, the video was much too long for any person to be expected to suffer through.

Lowell - ‘Lowtel Room Service
2.5 stars

After “Get Lowell” from 2013, Lowell has always had a lot to live up to. We were invested at the beginning of the video, but unfortunately as it went on it got more and more mediocre and repetitive until we just couldn’t do it anymore.

Kirkland - ‘Kirkland
2.3 stars

Presented as a slideshow presentation, Kirkland really outdoes itself this year with its low audio quality and terrifically horrifying choice of “Friday” by Rebecca Black. However, since Kirkland wanted to live up to this...we decided to be generous.

Adams - ‘Adams Housing Day Video 2018
1.5 stars

We knew the only good thing about Adams was proximity, and we’d like to thank them for the confirmation.

So there you have it: Flyby’s definitive ranking of the Housing Day videos! Now that you’ve been housed, we suggest rewatching them so that you can relish in the magnificence of your own House while cackling at how lame and ridiculous the other Houses are.

Roving Reporter: How Are Freshmen Preparing for Housing Day?

What house do they want? Do not want (the Quad)? Did they tell their moms what River Run is? Are they hydrating? Our resident roving reporter Nicholas H. Nava is joined by Lorenzo F. Manuali (not Rory), to get the answers.

ATTN: River Run does not entail 'running across the river,' as some wide-eyed freshmen would assume.

The Definitive Ranking of the House Mascots

Housing Day is coming up quickly and freshman anticipation is building. While certain people worry about house qualities like location, n+1 availability, and dhall food, the true sign of a good house is a good mascot. Using a very complicated, scientific algorithm, we calculated a best-to-worst ranking of the house mascots.

Housing Day 2015
The mascot is a crucial cog in the ever-important Housing Day graphic t-shirt
1. Pfoho: Polar Bear

A consistent zoo animal favorite, the polar bear is an impassioned climate change activist and weighs enough to break the ice for incoming freshman.

2. Dunster: Moose

This mascot, hailing from Canada, can be found consistently bragging about his free health care and his handsome Prime Minister. He also speaks French and hangs out with Drake.

3. Quincy: Penguin

He is always down for some shenanigans ("smile and wave, boys"), and even though he’s always dressed up for a black tie event, he is not punching the Fly.

4. Mather: Gorilla

While this mascot spends most of his time trapped in the “concrete jungle” that is Mather, his many appearances in Housing Day videos definitely up his street cred.

5. Winthrop: Lion

Although a Pride of Lions is a cute (yet kinda cliche) way to represent House spirit and community, it’s kinda forgettable.

6. Eliot: Mastodon

The mastodon is as extinct as Eliot's old money elitism. Oh wait...Fête is still a thing.

7. Leverett: Rabbit

Everyone knows the rabbit is just a washed-up bunny. This mascot is better left in his rabbit hole.

8. Cabot: Fish

This mascot is fitting considering that to some, the feeling of getting Cabot on Housing Day is remarkably close to the feeling you’d get when you asked for a puppy and your parents got you a goldfish, but you eventually learn to love it anyhow.

9. Kirkland: Boar

This mascot screams evokes yawns of boardom. Seriously, who wants to be represented by a large pig?

10. Currier: Tree

Really…a tree? Couldn’t think of something with legs?

11. Adams: Acorn

The only thing worse than the Adams Acorn would be an Adams Apple.

12. Lowell: Nothing

How can we express House pride if we have no mascot to take pictures with on Housing Day?

While, according to our complex algorithm, this ranking is definitive, remember: The only thing that really matters on Housing Day is what kind of life form is on your House t-shirt and whether or not it is insta-worthy.

Older → ← Newer