The 49th Super Bowl is about ready to kick off. Maybe you’re too busy studying for next month’s midterm or trying to figure out your schedule for next year (if so, take a step back). Otherwise, odds are you at least got invited to a study break watch party, or are amped to see if this year’s commercials can top this fantastic list, or maybe you’re psyched to see Frozen’s Princess Elsa sing the National Anthem, hoping that John Travolta will be announcing her name. Regardless of why you’re watching the game, there’s always a chance your crush will be there watching with you, in which case you want to know your ish. So, step by step, inch by inch, read this post to learn a little something about football and what teams are actually playing.
1. What is football?
It’s not soccer, so enough jokes from all you Brits, because the term “soccer” originated in England. In fact, the term “soccer” preceded the singular word “football” by about 18 years in describing the world’s most beloved game. So, jokes on you. Football is the game with a Hey Arnold head-shaped ball. There are touchdowns, field goals, and hot quarterbacks.
2. What is a “Super Bowl”
Super Bowl Sunday, for lack of a better definition, is the best day of the year. You wake up smiling, eat some chicken wings, watch some football, see who wins the ring, and hopefully smile some more, unless you’re a Pats fan circa 2007, when we went 16-0, got a little cocky, made a remix to Flo Rida’s “Low”, then lost to the Giants in the Super Bowl.
3. Who is playing?
Figured this would be a nice transition, since, once again, the New England Patriots are in the Super Bowl. They currently have three rings, but there's always room for a few more. The Pats will be playing the Seattle Seahawks, who got their first ring last year.
THE IMPORTANT STUFF
1. Tom Brady.
G.O.A.T. QB for the Pats. Married to Gisele Bundchen. Uggs Model. Objectively very sexy. Arguably one of the greatest quarterbacks ever. Call me biased (sorry, I’m from Boston), but let’s talk statistics. Today, he will be the second player in NFL history to appear in six Super Bowls. He holds the record for most playoff wins by a quarterback with 20. He holds the record for most playoff games started. He broke Joe Montana’s record for most postseason touchdown passes. What’s most impressive though? He’s one of the best football players out there, yet Gisele makes three times as much money as he does.
2. Russell Wilson
Before I get too biased, there is no way I can avoid the talent that Wilson holds as QB for the Seahawks. Not only can he throw touchdowns, but he isn’t afraid to get hit. Unlike Brady, who’s known to slide on the turf before he would ever take a chance at running, Wilson swept QB records in 2014 with 849 yards paced.
3. The Halftime Show
Get ready for some Fireworks, California Gurls, and maybe even a Roar. Katy Perry will rep the halftime show this year.
4. Who should I root for?
If you’re from Boston, New England, or go to school in Cambridge, it might get a little awkward, but who’s to judge? Basically, if you know nothing about football, go with the team with most attractive players (read: Rob Gronkowski). Or pick the best uniform. Or whoever’s winning. But, let’s be real, the winning team hosts a parade. TL;DR: If the Patriots win tonight, there will be a parade in Boston. Tom Brady will be there and so will I. It will be rowdy.