The blog of The Harvard Crimson

A Practical To-Do List Before 2014 Ends

2015 is surprisingly only a couple of days away, and we’re all probably wondering what in the world we’ve accomplished this past year (with the exception of procrastinating, napping, and going to Lamont only to be on Facebook for 3 hours). Unless you’re spending your time vacationing in a foreign country or volunteering in an NGO, here are some of things to do if you want to squeeze in a little productivity before the year ends:

1) Making space on your phone
A new year means new music, new gifs and new photos, so you should probably remove all those old pics to make room. Because if a moment isn’t uploaded to Instagram, did it really happen? Do you actually need all those embarrassing bathroom selfies you took at those parties from last semester? And no, you don’t need 20 blurry pics of you trying to get a photo of the Harvard turkey en route to class. Besides, you need room for all those New Year's Eve selfies to post on FB.

2) Catching up on all the shows you’ve missed
In between all the studying and networking you’ve been doing, you might’ve fallen behind on your favorite TV shows or put off starting new ones.  How embarrassing would it be to say that you haven't finished "House of Cards" by the end of this year– social faux pas much? Maybe binge on "Orange is the New Black" or listen to "Serial." If you can complete a ten page paper in a single night (don’t deny it), you can definitely watch all the (few) episodes of "Ivy" and "Absent."

3) Helping Someone Out With their College Applications
Though most of us blacked out life before college, don’t forget that many high school seniors are working on their applications to college right now. Whether it’s a family member or someone from your old school, there's probably someone out there who’s procrastinated on their apps. Maybe you’re feeling super charitable from the holiday season or perhaps you’re feeling guilty about the lack of community service you’ve done this past year, but give out last minute tips, help edit essays, or tell high school seniors any iteration of “You’re (insert synonym for amazing/awesome/great/wonderful)” incase they’re assessing their self-worth entirely on what they wrote in their Common Apps.

4) Planning for the next semester and summer
It’s a great time to start thinking about what you want to do this summer, applying for programs and funding, or re-editing your resume for the tenth time. You might also want to start shopping for next semester’s classes on the CS50 site. But then again, what even is college if you don’t procrastinate, aka wait until the last day of break to see what classes you’re going to tomorrow?


Psy Accepted to Exclusive Harvard Club

Korean pop star Psy is in an elite club of artists with over one billion views on YouTube for his hit song “Gangnam Style.” However, earlier this month he became a member of an even more exclusive club. That’s right, the Harvard Club of Korea made Psy an honorary member for his contributions towards “raising awareness of Korea around the world.”

Psy’s love affair with Harvard started back in May of 2013, when he gave a speech at Memorial Church about his career as a singer and the success of “Gangnam Style.” Nearly 800 students attended his talk, during which he shared funny anecdotes, such as the time he had a bad case of diarrhea. At the end of his talk, he gave everyone a free boxed Korean dinner as a form of thanks for coming out the night before the first day of finals– we see you, Psy, gaining the affections of Harvard students maxed out on swai and golden nuggets.

Though Psy actually studied at Boston University and Berklee College of Music and said that Harvard “felt a universe away” during his collegiate days, he can now attend swanky Harvard networking events and alumni parties as a member of the Harvard Club. Take that celebrity parties!

However, it turns out that you don’t need two billion views on youtube to be invited to join the Harvard Club of Korea—according to the organization’s website, “all members of the Harvard community” can become a part of the club. Although we at Flyby are very tempted to join so we can network with Psy and snag some free YouTube advice, we’ll wait until he announces dancing classes before buying a full membership.

HUPD Police Log 11/7 - 12/4: Unauthorized Bedazzling and A Rejected Christmas Caroler

HUPD has had their hands full with us Harvard students over the past few weeks. Between stolen Disney tickets, breaking into Northwest Labs, and unrecognized roommates, it seems that a lot's been going on around campus. As part of our Securitas Series, we've combed through recent HUPD logs and published some of the more colorful entries below.

November 7
Officer dispatched to a report of two mattresses in the tree outside of the building. Officer arrived and report operations notified and are taking care of the issue.

“We’re building a treehouse!”

Officers dispatched to a report of a large group of individuals in the area. Officers arrived and report group were Northeastern University students doing a scavenger hunt. The officers moved the group along.

The hunters become the hunted.

November 11
Officers dispatched to a report of an unwanted guest trying to gain access into an area within [Northwest Laboratory]. Officer arrived, located the individual and informed the individual that they could not access the area due to the holiday.

Genuinely sad for the person trying to break into Northwest Labs on a day off. Do less.

November 12
Officers dispatched to a report of individuals throwing water balloons out of their window. Officers arrived and report could not locate individuals.

Funny in the summer, evil in November.

November 13
Officer took a report of past incidents of indecent exposure.

Even HUPD is against white jeans after Labor Day.

November 14
Officers dispatched to a report of a group of individuals causing a disturbance and looking like they’re about to fight. Officers arrived and report individuals were friends just fooling around.

It’s all fun and games until HUPD gets involved.

November 17
Officer dispatched to take a report of vandalism to an individual's shoes.

Unauthorized bedazzling.

November 22
Officers dispatched to a report of an individual whose hat was taken. Officers arrived and located individuals and the reporting party was given their hat back.

Middle school dance déjà vu.

Officers dispatched to a report of loud noise coming from the area. Officers arrived and report no noise, area quiet.

If someone makes a noise but HUPD doesn’t hear it, was any noise made at all?

November 27
Officers dispatched to a report of an unknown individual in an individual's room. Officers arrived and report individual was reporting party's roommate.


December 2
Officers dispatched to a report of an individual wandering around the area and knocking on doors. Officers arrived and report individual gone on arrival.

A rejected Christmas caroler.

December 3
Officer dispatched to take a report of two stolen packages containing Forever 21 clothes valued at $20.00 and admission tickets to Disney.

The saddest theft report I’ve ever read.

December 4
Officers dispatched to a report of individuals trying to climb out of the stadium. Officers arrived and report individuals gone on arrival.

Fact: athletes are faster than HUPD.


Netflix Study Breaks

Students are supposed to be studying, attending review sessions, and finishing papers. But in a world where Netflix is a thing—and at a school where HBO Go is free—now is about when everything can (and, in all likelihood, will) quickly disintegrate into watching period. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t still spend this time learning, in one way or another.

Here is a list of some movies, shows, and videos you should watch during your “occasional” study breaks in the next few days if you A) don’t want to feel too bad about procrastination and B) are trying to gain some knowledge you won’t find by burying your head in a textbook.

The Wire

David Simon’s The Wire (2002-2008), a show centered around policemen and drug dealers in Baltimore, Maryland, is widely regarded as one of the greatest television shows ever produced. In the wake of the controversial grand jury decisions on the deaths of Michael Brown and Eric Garner, this in-depth look at the relationship between the police and citizens of low-income communities could not be more relevant. Available on HBO Go, this show is definitely worth checking out, even if it won’t exactly create a relaxing distraction from studying.

Killer Mike’s Speech on Ferguson

If you don’t have the time to binge-watch five epic seasons of The Wire, spend five minutes watching rapper Killer Mike’s speech to a St. Louis crowd the night of the Ferguson grand jury’s decision. In this video, Mike puts into words the thoughts and emotions of thousands of people throughout the country and follows it up with a high-octane performance off of his new album “Run The Jewels 2.”

Good Will Hunting and/or Stand and Deliver

If you’re having trouble motivating for a math final, put on Good Will Hunting (available on Netflix) to remind you that math can be cool (after all, Matt Damon does it) and that you live in one of the most awesome cities in the world. If that doesn’t get the job done, then watch the 1988 classic Stand and Deliver (available on Amazon Instant), a film in which teacher Jaime Escalante (Edward James Olmos) motivates struggling students at a struggling school to learn calculus. If they could do it, so can you!

Top Five

If you (gasp!) decide to leave Cambridge and head to a movie theater, go see Chris Rock play a struggling comic in his latest film, Top Five. Rock (who also wrote and directed the movie) has been making waves in the last week on his press tour for the film, commenting on issues from Bill Cosby to Ferguson, but Rock is, first and foremost, hilarious. And according to critics, this film is no exception. Rock’s character in Top Five, comedian/actor Andre Allen, repeatedly asks reporters in the movie: “Can we talk about the film?” By seeing Top Five, you’ll be able to do just that.

'Absent' Offers Confusion, Colorblindness & Life-Giving Saltines

I have to admit that I was eagerly anticipating the first episode of “Absent.”

This new, angsty, Harvard-centric sci-fi web series came in the wake of the popular and well-received premiere of “IVY,” the first show to capture the intricacies of the Ivy League experience on film. With all the surrounding hype, “Absent” promised to be just as good as its predecessor—if not better.

Well, it didn’t quite live up to the hype.

At first, I was actively trying to make sense out of what was going on. But then nineteen minutes and fifty-two seconds passed, and no such luck.

The episode begins with a crescendo and a minimalist title scene. Cut to the opening scene, set in a dorm room. Athletic blockmates rattle off expletive-filled lines, brag loudly about their party-going antics, and trade pset answers for scotch. A dark-haired boy (Skip Ros ’17) broods silently in a corner before disappearing. Cut to the next scene. Two friends complain about their problem sets over sandwiches and Doritos. Next scene. A guy in black-rimmed glasses rambles to an unresponsive girl studying in the library.

Scene by scene the episode goes on, with some of these characters seemingly becoming invisible, running away, fighting over the alien-like diamond substance, eating magical life-giving saltine crackers, and looking as confused as the viewer undoubtedly feels. The scenes switch so rapidly and illogically that it is difficult to find any thread of commonality among them. If there is any semblance of plot, it’s obfuscated by layers of pretension and contrived dialogue.

Another major problem? There are too many characters to keep track of, making it impossible to become invested in any of them. Characters yell at one another for no apparent reason, treat one another with inexplicable hostility, or create drama out of nothing. Viewers are given no backstory to explain these behaviors, no context, nothing to engage with but scene after relentless scene of trivial interactions between interchangeable figures.

Some vague element of supernatural design also serves to further complicate matters. The underlying assumption is that certain people become invisible, for reasons that are never explained… not even to themselves. These invisible people can apparently no longer interact with the world. Their survival might depend upon eating saltine crackers.

To add to the confusion, the entire episode is inexplicably shot in black and white. What were the producers aiming for, metaphorical colorblindness? Actual colorblindness? The world may never know.

All in all, this is a webisode created with the underlying assumption that the audience can read minds and consisting entirely of jigsaw pieces that the viewer must piece together one by one to form a bleak picture of triumphant confusion.

The most genuine instance of relatability comes when a bewildered actor bursts into a room, demanding an explanation. “I need to know what’s going on!” he shouts in desperation.

So do we, man. So do we.

PSA: DoorDash Means You'll Never Leave Your Dorm Room Ever Again

As if you weren’t eating enough Felipe’s in the middle of the night.

DoorDash may have the potential to revolutionize your late-night snacking during reading period. Whether you’ve been working in Lamont for the past nine hours or Netflix is asking you if you’re still there, you deserve that burrito.

DoorDash is a service that employs people to deliver food to their clients from restaurants that don’t offer delivery services of their own. Imagine Uber, but instead of someone driving you home, they bring you food from your favorite nearby restaurant. A small selection of restaurants in Cambridge that are partnering with this beautiful venture: 9 Tastes Thai Cuisine, O Sushi, Le's Vietnamese, Pinocchio's Pizza, Felipe's Taqueria, and The Cheesecake Factory.

Between this and the end of “mandatory” section, you’ll probably never need to leave your house or dorm again. At least until reading period ends and you realize you never prepared for that final you promised yourself would save your grade from those not too impressive midterms.

Campus Café Showdown

Reading period is nearly upon us, and with it, the largest span of “unstructured” time since Opening Days and the birth of a new generation of Lamonsters.

But with great power comes great responsibility and we’re here to provide the information you need. If you’re wondering where to go for your daily cup of coffee (or, let’s be honest—your hourly caffeine dose by semester’s end), or if you’re just looking for a good place to make solid progress on papers and final projects, there’s no need to fear—Flyby is here for you, with a rundown of the four main options around the Yard. 

(All locations accept BoardPlus or Crimson Cash.)

Lamont Café

Location: Lamont Library (really?)

Hours: Monday-Thursday, 9 a.m. - 2 a.m., Friday, 9 a.m. - 8 p.m., Saturday, 3 p.m. - 8 p.m., Sunday 3 p.m. - 2 a.m.

Ah, Lamont Café. Tried and true, home to many a sleep-deprived student, an abundance of Chobani yogurts, and questionable sushi. Standard Starbucks fare here, so no surprises, and by far the best hours of all your options—in fact, it’s literally your only option of the four on the weekends and late nights (or rather early mornings). Sodas, Red Bull, and the usual vending machine fare can be found here in all its glory.

Great for studying, not so great for just a quick drink (have to pass those bag checks on your way out), a real meal, or for those who are driven nuts by the palpable pressure and anxiety of nearby Lamonsters. 

Arts Café at Baker

Location: Barker Center at 12 Quincy Street

Hours: Monday - Thursday, 9 a.m. - 8 p.m.; Friday 9 a.m. - 4 p.m.

Right in between Lamont and the Union dorms, the newly-opened Barker Center Rotunda Café boasts sandwiches, pastries, and salads from Hi-Rise Bakery and coffee from Culture Coffee. You’ll find a great, bohemian ambience with light music, high ceilings, leather couches, and more substantial food than Lamont—the menu includes quiche by the slice, bichermuesli, breakfast sandwiches, and salads. Certainly more pricey than some of the other options though—a single macaroon will run you $2.10, most cookies are $3.15, and salads go up to $10.75. (Note that Flyby reviewed the new establishment back in October, and found the quiche “passing.”)

Good place if you want to do some group work near the Yard, meet with English TFs and friends, or relax. Intensive studying, however, should probably be left to nearby Lamont. For those interested, the café also hosts a number of Art and Humanities-related events in the evenings throughout the semester.

Greenhouse Café

Location: Science Center

Hours: Monday - Thursday 7:30 a.m. - 8 p.m., Friday 7:30 a.m. - 7 p.m. (coffee cart only from 5 - 7 p.m.) 

The Greenhouse Café’s Starbucks coffee cart is always busy in the mornings. Later on in the day, of course, Greenhouse offers a wide range of lunch and dinner options, ranging from Indian food and fruit smoothies to burritos and pizza. Fantastic for a quick bite when you’re tired of Annenberg or too lazy to trek over to your House—you can be in and out in less than a minute for most options and the diverse range of food offerings is always reliable.

This place is ideal for hanging out after science and math courses, hosting office hours, working on group projects, or enjoying the sun outside (though certainly not at this time of year). Not really the best place to do intensive academic work, however—best try out nearby Cabot Library, unless you’re enjoy noise, distraction, and the sounds of people rushing to and from LS1a.

Café Gato Rojo

Location: Basement of Lehman Hall, southwest corner of the Yard

Hours: Monday - Thursday 8 a.m. - 10 p.m., Friday, 8 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Perhaps the least known (or rather least visible) of the four options, Café Gato offers a small, comfortable space and great prices—$1 coffee if you bring your own mug, and 50 cent refills. The student-run café (which also features student art on its walls) hosts Jazz Jam sessions every week, and Open Mic Nights every other week.

Fantastic if you want to meet up with somebody, enjoy some croissants, or do some light reading, but might not be optimal for work unless you have noise-canceling headphones or enjoy working to “Just a Friend” (Biz Markie) and “Sunshine” (Atmosphere).

Happy Reading Period!

Sorry kiddo, but just because you don't have classes doesn't mean you're free. Maybe you have a lot more time, but there is also a lot more stuff to do. The key to reading period is mapping out time. Making a schedule isn't the sexiest use of time, but it sure beats writing a paper worth half of your grade in one night because you didn't account for the fact that an eloquent sentence is difficult to produce hungover. 

Harvard Banishes CS50 TF to New Haven

It was bound to happen sooner or later. The day has come when even Yalies themselves admit that they want to to take Harvard courses, and Harvard is responding by loaning their best and brightest to charitably compensate for the lesser institution’s department.

Well, perhaps it’s not as dramatic as that.

It was recently announced that Harvard and Yale have each approved a joint-institution venture for Computer Science 50 to be taught on both campuses. Yale students will have the opportunity to take CS50 under Harvard’s instruction beginning Fall 2015 via livestream and recorded lessons on demand, as confirmed at the final 2014 CS50 lecture last week.

Of course, no announcement of any weight would be complete without the familiar and well-received antics of Sam Clark from “On Harvard Time” leading a tour of “actual Yalies” into gothic-architecture-free Sanders Theater. After explaining that Sanders would be the site of the livestreamed lectures for the new course, Clark and the Yalies posed for a humorous impromptu selfie with speaker David J. Malan ’99 before continuing on with the tour off stage.

Along with shared lectures, there will also be sections, office hours, and support staff at Yale to help students learn introductory computer science in tandem with Harvard, according to Malan. But perhaps the most noteworthy detail of this new joint venture between ivy universities is the new role of Harvard’s Jason C. Hirschhorn '15.

Hirschhorn will be sent to work full-time at Yale, working on the ground to establish the program and oversee the work of the other teaching assistants on Yale’s end.

While many people would (rightly) feel less than ecstatic about being assigned to live and work in New Haven, Hirschhorn described the effort as “an amazing opportunity to bring together students from two universities in an immersive and shared educational experience.”

Much as we love to display the (many) ways Yale cannot (and will never) match up to Harvard, you can’t begrudge the incredible opportunity at Hirschhorn’s disposal. After graduation, the enthusiastic Harvard senior will have not only a full-time job as an instructor, but also the chance to engage in work relevant to his thesis and interests

“I'm very much looking forward to helping form a community and culture among students in New Haven that meets (and maybe even exceeds) the exceptional one that already exists for students in Cambridge,” Hirschhorn said.

While Yale reaching Harvard’s standard of excellence is highly unlikely, you have to give him props for his good attitude.

Godspeed, Hirschhorn. We wish you well.

Sunrise in Lamont: Timestamped Observations of an All Nighter

Lamont’s 24-hour status means that knowledge is constantly being produced beneath its hallowed roof. I took the opportunity to imbibe 8 hours and 41 minutes of sweet wisdom. Below is a sampling of my observations from the illuminating night.

10:00 p.m.
I settle into Lamont Café. According to Google, the sun will rise at 6:41 a.m. In the intervening eight and a half hours, revelations are sure to come.

10:11 p.m.
A girl with thick-framed glasses that don’t look like they have an actual prescription exclaims “Kafka is my favorite!” excitedly. The learning begins.

10:53 p.m. 
“I love the fur, it’s real coyotes” says a girl extolling the virtues of Canada Goose coats.  

 11:31 p.m.
“The champagne is a farce. The mimosas are gonna be extremely strong. It’ll be blue raspberry vodka.” - Larista

11:30 p.m.
Someone comes in to conduct a psych experiment. It involves candy. I am not asked to participate.

11:58 p.m.
I decide that this video is immensely important.

12:04 a.m.
A man refers to the “Larista” as an American hero.

1:08 a.m.
“Why the fuck would I want to send money over Snapchat? Does it go away if I don’t use it in 10 seconds”

1:30 a.m.
It smells like stale cigarettes here.

1:40 a.m.
The Larista summarizes a Spongebob episode and fields trivia.

2:00 a.m.
The café has closed but the trivia continues. We are now on to Fairly Oddparents.

4:03 a.m.
Silence has descended on the café. A guy in a fedora who has been passed out for the past 3 hours has now shed his fedora in his never-ending quest for a comfortable sleeping position (for now he’s huddled in the fetal position in the chair)

4:30 a.m.
Completely new ideas for a paper that come after 4 a.m. are always good, right? Realizing the error of my previous ways, I walk briskly back to my dorm room to retrieve a necessary book.

4:36 a.m.
I get back from my dorm room. As I type fedora guy wakes up, dons his fedora and backpack, and leaves. I feel an immense sense of loss.   

5:54 a.m.
Work on my paper has long since stalled. I decide to take a stroll around the library that’s sure to be regenerative.

On my stroll I create an intricate, painstakingly crafted statistical analysis of who is asleep and who is awake.

Level B: 1 asleep, 1 awake
Level A: 0 asleep, 2 awake
Level 1: 3 asleep, 2 awake (excluding Larsen, and Lamont Café)
Level 2: 1 asleep, 2 awake
Level 3: 2 asleep, 1 awake
Total: 7 asleep, 8 awake

6:23 a.m.
The sun begins to rise. I can now make out Mem Church’s steeple quite clearly.

6:41 a.m.
The sun is up, the day has begun, and I write a witty, yet somehow beautiful and poetic ending to this piece. Then I go sleep till class.

Overheard at The Game 2014: Wizard’s Chess, Obama, and Yale Mooning Everyone

One thing I’ve learned here is that when people talk about “The Game,” they’re not necessarily referring to The Actual Game of American Football Between Harvard And Yale. Most of the time, “The Game” actually means tailgate antics, half-time pranks, and ridiculously hilarious signs.

Saturday, November 22 marked the 131st incarnation of The Harvard-Yale Game. This year in particular has been rife with practical jokes and Facebook wars, ranging from On Harvard Time’s newest “Harvard Pranks Yale” video and Yale’s uncomfortable video responses to the notorious Harvard-Yale mock debate during which current Yale student body president Michael Herbert made a surprise, visor-clad appearance.

Ultimately, Harvard reinstated tradition and won out against Yale with a final score of 31-24 (so close, Yale, so close), clinching both a H-Y victory and the Ivy League Champion title for the eighth consecutive time, which according to ESPN is the first time either school has won that many times since the 1880s.

Here are some overheard conversation highlights from The Game 2014, an afternoon of blue skies, freezing winds, and sweet, sweet, victory.

In response to Yale’s spontaneous stripping spectacle mid-way through the Game:
“The Yale kids are so done that they’d rather be naked than in Yale gear.”

(Shunella G. Lumas ’15)

Upon the Harvard University Band’s entrance onto the field:
They did.

(Melanie Y. F ’18)

“That was my top school.”
Girl. Girl.

During the game, students discussed the relative dangers of football and other sports.
“You know what’s really intense? Ping pong.”
“No, no, full-contact chess.”
“No—wizard’s chess!”
I’m not sure if we want to know what full-contact chess is. But you know what they say about wizard’s chess.

New love seemed to blossom at the game.
Maybe “Obama” will be our “Always”.

The appearance of several large sticks with a certain face printed on them led an elderly alumnus to ask, with heightening panic:
“Who is the head guy? Who is he? Do you know?”

(Melanie Y. Fu ’18)

During the raucous post-victory field-storming:
“Oh my god, let’s take a picture!... Oh my god, I’m bleeding.”
Oh my god, are you okay.

Students were deep in thought as they walked out of the stadium in the rosy pink sunset.
“I wonder how it feels to be second all the time.”
What a thought.

The moral of the story:
“Now I know why everyone likes athletes… They’re so cool.”
Love you too, bro.

Until next time, Yale!

Exclusive Investigative Report: Local Brussells (Spr)Outage

Warm, smoky, and cheesey with a little bit of crunch, the most popular sandwich at Clover, a local health-conscious restaurant chain, has a surprising hero.

Clover’s Brussels Sprout Sandwich, made with smoked cheddar and hazelnuts, is the eatery’s top-selling sandwich this time of year. Inspired by his lifelong love of the savory vegetable, Muir has been able to maintain Clover’s local commitment by buying the sprouts from regional farms. However, Clover recently posted on their company website that the sandwich’s run was coming to an end.

According to a blog post from last week,“Clover depleted our supply of local brussels. So with a heavy heart we must announce that we’re only going to have the Brussels Sprout Sandwich company-wide for another week (last day is [tomorrow] Wednesday 11/26).” Muir blamed the local shortage on the vegetable’s unsavory reputation and short growing season.

“We do things when the ingredients are in season and brussels sprouts have a short season,” Muir said. “It’s hard because people make fun of them all the time so literally the farmers stop growing them.”

Flyby wasn’t so ready to accept the facts without a comprehensive investigation. Muir said that Clover bought their Brussels Sprouts from Joe Czajkowski Farm in Hadley, Mass. I called up the farm and spoke with Mr. Joe Czajkowski himself, and he told me that in fact it has been a “magnificent” year for the sprout.

“We’re going to finish picking brussel sprouts in about a week or two,” Czajkowski said. “We have 15 acres of brussels sprouts and they were a nice crop and they sold very well but it’s not an easy crop to raise.”

Well, it seems like there are still sprouts left in the ground after all! Perhaps there was a mixup with Clover’s vegetable wholesale supplier? I got in contact with the Pioneer Valley Growers Association, who provides Clover with their brussels sprouts, to find out.

When informed that Czajkwoski’s farm still had some sprouts in the ground, Barrington admitted the possibility of a miscommunication, citing the fact that “the whole focus of the last two weeks has probably been more on Thanksgiving.”

Squash is great and all, but so is the brussels sprout sandwich! Was Clover deceiving its customers or was this all one great mix-up? When I told Clover’s Muir what I had learned, he said that the information came as a surprise.

“I’d been told that they were sending some brussels that weren’t from New England because they said they couldn’t get any more from Joe...we’ll tell them to fix that,” Muir said. “You might be responsible for the stay of execution.”

Looks like the brussels sprout sandwich has a chance at an extension thanks to this hard nosed journalist. You’re welcome, world.

Ten Ways You Could’ve Trolled Harvard Tourists

Now that the late autumn chill has settled in, tourists are at last getting fewer and farther between. Like many a polite Harvard student, you’ve probably kindly taken ten minutes out of your day to give directions to Agassiz House. But what if you hadn’t? Here are ten things you could have done to jazz up your daily tourist encounter:

Tourist: What is the Harvard Square?
You:  Special brownies they serve at the dining halls here. Good luck barging through Annenberg to get a bite.

Tourist: What’s the COOP?
You: Elite pen reserved for Harvard student fowl. Eggs are fifty dollars a dozen, or a hundred if embossed with Harvard shield.

Tourist: Can you take a picture with us?
You: Regrettably, selfie use in the Yard is reserved to ID holders only.

Tourist peeks into your dorm room window.
You: Advice on undergraduate room décor is a paid privilege. Cash or credit card?

Tourist: What is ze name of zis building ‘ere?
You: Désolée, je n’en sais rien non plus.

Tourist spots your Harvard ID bling: Are you a student?
You: Nope. I only do my grocery shopping here.

Tourist: How can I get to the Quad?
You: You can’t. It’s reserved for delinquents.

Tourist mom with overeager high school senior: What do you study here?
You: IBP (Interpretive Beer Pong) Honors candidate. That’s right, the admissions tour is held exclusively for advertising purposes.

Tourist asks about the antique pump in front of Hollis: What was this used for?
You: Decapitation of Yale students. We decided to keep the relic after the guillotine was outlawed in the 70s.

Tourist: How did you get in?
You: Oh you know, well-rounded like everyone else. Just published 25 manuals on how to write the Harvard Admissions essay, which I also translated in 200 languages, including Basque, Ibo and Sanskrit. Any questions?

'College GameDay' Does The Game

While much is at stake at any Harvard Yale game—from bragging rights (not that Harvard needs more) to Ivy League championships—this year’s meeting of the two rivals will feature an added twist. ESPN’s famous pre-game show “College GameDay” will broadcast from 9 a.m. to noon in the Dillon Quad.

For whatever reason, this will be only the second time “GameDay” has covered an Ivy-League game—the first was in 2002 when Harvard lost to Penn—and the first time Harvard will host the show.

Hosted by Lee Corso, Chris Fowler, and Kirk Herbstreit, “College GameDay,” or more completely “College GameDay Built by The Home Depot” (has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?) is famous for the signs students poke into the broadcast’s background and Lee Corso’s tradition of donning the headgear of the school’s mascot he picks to win. One can only wonder how he’ll pull this off when he inevitably chooses the Crimson to win (will it be a John Harvard-y hat? A bucket of crimson paint?).

Besides the battle on the gridiron though, the contest for television time and the best sign will be crucial for victory on Saturday. Though there is no formula for a clever College GameDay sign, here are some ideas to get the creative juices flowing:

-"Win or Lose, We Don’t Live in New Haven”

-"If you’re not first, you’re Yale”

-"Yale: The Pepsi of the Ivies”

-"It’s OK, Harvard had an usually high number of qualified applicants this academic year”

-"Yale: Sloppy Seconds since 1701”

-"I couldn’t think of a good sign, I only go to Yale”

And remember, Saturday isn’t just about winning a football game. It’s about humiliating Yale in front of a national audience.

The Lazy Student’s Guide to Food Delivery

The semester’s winding down, so odds are that you’re:

a) bedridden with the latest plague

b) melting into a study puddle of term papers and final p-sets

c) cursing Frozen’s romanticization of all things icy, or

d) some unholy combination of the above.

In any case, if you just can’t crawl out of bed for HUDS Beef Fajita Fettuccine (although we admire the ambition of Latin-Italian fusion), Harvard Square restaurants are here for you. Check out some of the best food delivery options for your sick/stressed/snow-dreading self.

1. Oggi Gourmet (minimum $15.00, no delivery fee, Crimson Cash accepted)
Don’t dismiss this charming eatery tucked within the Smith Campus Center. Go for the classy roasted pear salad, the reliable Steve’s egg sandwich, or the photosynthetic pineapple smoothie with chlorophyll.

2. Nine Tastes (minimum $15.00, no delivery fee)
If your experience with Thai cuisine is limited to a certain endangered whitefish (ahem…. swai...ahem...HUDS), expand your horizons with the ambiguously named Nine Tastes. You can’t go wrong with any of the six (!) varieties of fried rice, but the “Veggie Puff” and “Shrimp Blanket” appetizers win for creativity.

3. Sweet (minimum $15, no delivery fee, Crimson Cash accepted)
Listen to Donna and treat yo’ self to a seasonally appropriate pumpkin pie, French toast, or apple cider doughnut cupcake. Sweet also stocks vegan cupcakes on Mondays, if you want a side of moral righteousness with that chocolate frosting.

4. wagamama (minimum $15.00, no delivery fee)
You can only eat so much Lamont sushi ($65 worth, to be exact). Yes, wagamama is a British chain, and yes, its vendetta against capital letters is irritating, but the delivery is free and the chicken katsu is delightful.

5. Falafel Corner (mimimum $15, delivery fee 10% of order total)
Feel awful? Falafel. Or, channel your favorite Avenger and go for the lamb shawarma rollup (only six months until “Age of Ultron”!)

6. Insomnia Cookies (minimum $6.00, delivery fee $1.50, Crimson Cash accepted)
As if the phrase “Triple Chocolate A La Mode” doesn’t already inspire a bit of Pavlovian drool, Insomnia delivers to your dorm until 2:45 a.m. “The Sugar Rush” – 12 cookies for $16.00 – is ideal for powering through a group project or crying alone.

'Yale' Students Protest Yale Athletics

On Harvard Time’s annual video for The Game is up and this time they’re fighting for the greatest humanitarian cause of our generation: divesting from Yale athletics. Disguised in glasses, a beanie and a Yale scarf, Samuel B. Clark ‘15 and OHT took to New Haven, where they posed as Yale students protesting the amount of money spent on a poorly-performing football team.

“We are spending more on Yale athletics than is being spent in public works in the city of New Haven,” Clark says in the video. “And what does that even get us? Every single year we lose to Harvard.”

And the best part? Yale students actually agree. Just watch the video.

This comes of course after last year’s Fake Yale Tours video, and, more recently, Yale College Council President Michael Herbert’s cringeworthy counter-video in which, it seems, Yale challenged UC President Gus Mayopoulos ‘15 to a boxing match (?!). We’re not entirely sure what that was about, but it ranks high on the unintentional comedy scale. Though we sure learned a lot about Yale’s cinematography skills (otherwise known as iMovie). Gus put it best himself in his response video,

But apparently it wasn’t as easy this time around for OHT. According to the Yale Daily News, Yalies “found out” about OHT’s plans while they were “protesting.” President Herbert “approached the group on behalf of the Yale student body,” whatever that means.

During an interview, one vigilant Yalie even played last year’s video in an attempt to prove to Sam Clark that he was, in fact, Sam Clark. And not a Yalie.

To which Clark responded, “I get that so many times, I’ve gotten that from a lot of people.” So, here’s to OHT, and its intrepid journeys into the wastelands of New Haven.


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