The blog of The Harvard Crimson

HUPD Crime Log 3/23-3/30

March 23, 2016
Officer dispatched to a report of two stolen bottles of wine. Officer arrived and spoke to the reporting party who stated they were not sure if they were taken and will call tomorrow if bottles were not found.
Just FYI, there is a difference between “stolen” and “finished”

March 24, 2016
Officer dispatched to take a report of stolen laundry valued at $895.00.
“I love your shirt! Where is it from?” “Dryer B4—they have the cutest clothes there!”

March 24, 2016
Officers dispatched to a report of a suspicious box in the area. Officers arrived and report just an empty cardboard box.
Shocked no one snatched it up to use on Moveout Day.

March 25, 2016
Officers dispatched to a report of a suspicious backpack left in the area. Officers arrived and report bag was filled with gym clothes and left with security.
It probably still smelled suspicious—remember kids, always use deodorant!

March 26, 2016
Officer dispatched to take a report of a stolen package containing Costume jewelry valued at $20.00.
There goes my Halloween Costume.

March 27, 2016
Officer dispatched to a report of the smell of smoke coming from the building. Officer arrived and immediately confirmed odor of something burning but could not detect where odor was originating from. Harvard fire mechanic was notified and arrived on scene and determined smell was coming from smoldering mulch.
“Mulch is basically incense, right?”

March 28, 2016
Officers dispatched to a report of loud noise. Officers arrived and advised individual to keep noise level down.
“Don’t worry Officer, my roommate is always like this when she has a Pset due”

March 29, 2016
Officer dispatched to a report of an armed robbery in progress. Officer arrived and report no armed robbery just students filming a robbery for a student film.
Sometimes life just imitates art.

March 29, 2016
Officer dispatched to take a report of stolen black handlebars from a bicycle.
“I can ride my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars, no handlebars…”

March 30, 2016
Officers dispatched to a report of an individual in the building who may not have authorization to be there. Officers arrived and report individual was allowed to be in the building.
“For the last time, I’m not a tourist! I'm just trying to up my Instagram game!”

Check back next Friday for our next installment of HUPD Crime Log!

Flyby Horoscopes: April

Flyby exec and amateur astrologist Kyle E. O’Hara counts many things among her talents—her impressive ability to drink Diet Coke before 10 a.m., her dogged pursuit of the position of El Jefe’s #1 customer, and her remarkable skill at napping at inopportune times. But most prominent of these talents is her questionable-at-best ESP. Check back on the first of each month for your Flyby Horoscope, courtesy of Kyle.

AQUARIUS: That work-life balance, Aquarius. You’ve finally mastered the skill of getting your work done while still enjoying your life. That means April is going to be a great month. Please, teach me your ways.

PISCES: I’m impressed. This month holds lots of athletic success for you. You’re going to go to the gym more than once. You’re improving your life so productively. This is the start of a new phase of your life where you consistently exercise and eat well.

ARIES: Aries, I have good news. This month holds lots of full nights’ rests and naps! Without any all-nighters. Your time management skills are really going to come in handy.

TAURUS: Is there a budding relationship in your life? According to my ample knowledge of the future, this month is going to be great for developing whatever this may be.

GEMINI: April means upcoming financial windfalls for you, Gemini. You may find a lucrative summer job, you may “come into some money,” but however it happens, this is going to be wonderful.

CANCER: Classes are generally tough, Cancer, but this month is going to go well and you’re going to do really great in even the hardest ones. You’re killin’ the game this semester.

LEO: That new project you’ve been worried about is going to come together perfectly this month, Leo. All the effort you’ve put in has been totally worth it, and the final result is going to be dazzling.

VIRGO: A new job? A salary plus housing? Something that will look good on your resume? All that and more will be yours, Virgo.

LIBRA: Hey, Libra. Venus is in retrograde this month*, so your love life is about to be amazing. Cuffing season may be ending, but you, for one, won’t be single. Congrats on breaking the Harvard stereotype of being sad and single in the library.

SCORPIO: The last few weeks have been hectic, Scorpio, but things are calming down. Take advantage of your free time to pursue something you truly care about (which we know isn’t your degree in economics).

SAGITTARIUS: Sagittarius, you’re on a roll. Now is the time to commit to a new project (a startup, perhaps?). It’s gonna be a great success.

CAPRICORN: You’re one of the lucky ones. Your classwork is related to a subject you care about, and you have job prospects lining up in a field you want to break into. Everything’s coming up roses, Capricorn.

Sound too good to be true? It is! There’s no way things would be this put together at this point in the semester. Happy April Fool’s day, Harvard. See you next month ;)

*what does retrograde mean? I am an expert at many things, but alas, none of them are astrology-based talents.

From the Archives: Mumps

“In the wake of the present Mumps epidemic, a disease prevalent among children, of 21 cases, 17 Yardlings have been confined to bed, it was learned from Dr. Arlie V. Bock Henry K. Oliver Professor of Hygiene, yesterday.”

At first glance, you too may have assumed that this was just another update from Paul J. Barreira, MD, Director of Harvard University Health Services. Then, you probably noticed the term “Yardling,” wondered why we don’t still use it, realized there were no tips for practicing good hygiene, and then noticed that Dr. Arlie V. Bock was mentioned, instead of our boy Paul J. Barreira, MD.

Apparently Harvard University Health Services is no stranger to mumps epidemics. In fact this 1937 Crimson article, titled “University’s Private Mump Epidemic Reported On Wane,” (which could easily be mistaken for another one of Paul J. Barreira, MD’s email subject lines), almost mirrors the mumps catastrophe that has unfolded on Harvard’s campus this past month.

We’ve uncovered the similarities and differences between the 1937 mumps epidemic that hit Harvard and the 2016 outbreak of mumps on Harvard’s campus right now, based on reports from Crimson articles past and present and Paul J. Barreira, MD’s infamous email chains about the current outbreak. How much has HUHS really learned on how to deal with mumps in the last 79 years? We’ll leave you to be the judge...

THE SIMILARITIES

1937
“In addition, anyone who has previously had Mumps is almost immune from a reoccurrence of the disease.”
2016 (2/29/16 Email from HUHS@harvard.edu)
“Individuals who have previously had mumps are considered immune to the virus.”

It’s reassuring how much knowledge we’ve acquired about mumps over the last 79 years.

1937
“In a separate building at Stillman Infirmary, 19 of the swollen-checked students are isolated from the rest of the patients, filling the entire top floor, and several beds on the next story, while two men have been removed to their homes. According to Professor Bock, none of the cases has developed complications.”
2016
“The Cambridge Public Health Department mandates that students infected with mumps be quarantined in a single room with an individual bathroom for five days. Since most dorm rooms share a bathroom, students are housed elsewhere on campus, according to Barreira.”

At least in 1937 the University was transparent about where the swollen-cheeked students were being quarantined.

THE DIFFERENCES

1937
“Although the State as a whole reported only 174 cases of Mumps for the past week in comparison with 576 for the same period last year, University Hygiene department reported only six cases of Mumps during the entire school year of 1936-37 while the present epidemic has included 21 students.”
2016
“There have been 30 total cases of mumps in Massachusetts since January 1, according to state officials.”

Keep in mind, there was no such thing as a mumps vaccination until the late 1960s...

1937
“In the wake of the present Mumps epidemic, a disease prevalent among children…”
2016 (2/29/16 Email from HUHS@harvard.edu)
“Mumps is a systemic viral illness characterized by swelling of one or more salivary glands. Symptoms may first present as an ear ache or jaw pain, and other non-specific symptoms including fever, muscle aches, and fatigue may also occur. The mumps virus is transmitted by respiratory droplets and by direct contact with nasopharyngeal secretions. Treatment is focused on relief of symptoms such as fever and pain from facial swelling.”

On second thought, thankfully our knowledge of mumps has significantly improved from “disease prevalent among children” to Paul J. Barreira’s short essay describing a “systemic viral illness...transmitted by respiratory droplets and by direct contact with nasopharyngeal secretions...” Whatever that means.

Au Revoir to Au Bon Pain

Bye Bye Au Bon Pain
A sign in the window of Au Bon Pain, signifies the end of its reign in Harvard Square

When Yenching shut down, we shed a couple of tears. When Panera closed suddenly, it felt like we lost a very close friend. But now that Au Bon Pain is closing down, I think we have gone numb.

Yes, Au Bon Pain is leaving the Square like many of our other beloved restaurants and establishments. It was to be expected due to the renovation of the Smith Campus Center, but it just happened so fast. It was just yesterday (not actually) that they were giving away free coffee, which is great when you tire of the standard dining hall fare.

It is even weirder when you realize that it has been in the Square for 32 years. You know how old 32 years is? This is before Radcliffe College fully integrated with Harvard University. The Olympics were held in Los Angeles and Ronald Reagan was president. And now, it will be gone.

If one really can't live with it, technically there is one located near Zinneken’s and another near the Charles. But neither are as easily accessible as the Harvard Square one and they close earlier than the 1 am time for which the Square establishment is known. It seems like all the national fast food cafés are disappearing. All of them.

You still have time to say your final farewell. The last day you can get a sandwich there is on March 31st. That might give you enough time to prepare to have Starbucks as our coffee/cafe overlords.

But on the bright side, they say death come in threes so we shouldn’t hear any more news of closing Square restaurants... oh wait...


A Guide To Making the Most of Your Extra Hour of Daylight

Spring has sprung, and the sun is here to play
Spring has sprung, and the sun is here to play

About two weeks ago, the clocks magically jumped forward an hour, and we all lost an hour of our spring break. Unless you’re so sleep deprived that you’re always tired and didn’t realize you’d missed out on that sacred 60 minutes, you probably feel like you get ripped off annually when we “spring forward.” But here’s the good news: You now have one extra hour of daylight at the end of your day, meaning it's no longer pitch black out at 5 p.m. when your classes end. Here are some awesome things you can do with that hour:

Go for a run outside
As it gets warmer, you’ll be able to run outside instead of having to do the frigidly awkward sprint to the MAC in your shorts. And now, thanks to Daylight Savings, you can be assured that there will be light outside during your run so you don’t have to worry as much about suspicious characters. Alternatively, if you’re like us, and the only time you ever run is when the doors to the dining hall are about to close, you can take the extra daylight to exercise by walking briskly with a pair of shake weights to JP Licks.

Update your look
An extra hour of daylight = an extra hour of sunlight. Make sunglasses a staple to your wardrobe. Pro tip: Even if you’re not going to wear the sunglasses over your eyes, they can look nice on top of your head, and it’s much more acceptable to do that when the sun is actually shining so you don’t look like you just woke up with the world’s biggest hangover.

Get your cameras out
The sunlight as the sun sets can be the perfect #SelfieLighting. Take advantage of this while you can. If you’re friendless, consider this selfie stick disguised as a hand to make it look like you’re not a complete loser. If you do happen to have friends, gather them together and take pictures outside. After all, if you don’t have photographic evidence, your future kids may not believe you actually talked to people in college let alone had friends at any point in your life.

Rediscover what your acquaintances look like
For many dark, cold months now, you’ve been looking at your friends in harsh indoor lighting. Either that or you haven’t really ever left your room and you just interact with your friends through emojis. Take this opportunity to reacquaint yourself with these people. Maybe even *gasp* venture to the Quad to see that freshman year buddy you excommunicated after the cold rushed in during the fall. Make sure you can still handle the sight of your blockmates’ faces in the light, especially as you navigate planning your living arrangements for next year. While these things may not have seemed important in the winter, spring is coming.

ICYMI: Silent Disco Review

On Saturday night the College Events Board partnered with the First Year Social Committee to throw a school-wide silent disco party. In case you're living under a rock and aren't familiar with the concept of a silent disco, it's an event where everyone is given headphones and jams out to the same music. It basically has all the perks of being at a dance party without risking getting noise complaints from the neighbors.

We here at Flyby couldn't pass up on the opportunity to attend our very own silent disco at Harvard. Upon arrival, event coordinators greeted attendees with Bluetooth headphones that allowed everyone to tune into two separate DJs. Descending into the depths of the Northwest Labs, Flyby found a one-of-a-kind experience to review:


Music:
Fantastic. The green DJ covered your average basic white girl music featuring Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, while the red DJ was spinning dope tunes like Fetty and the Weeknd. Looking around in the sea of headphones, it was clear that everyone was enjoying the beats. A+ CEB, I’ll give you this one.

Food:
Where art thou? Flyby was under the impression that there would be food at the event. However, after extensive rummaging, none could be found. We’ll give organizers the benefit of the doubt by assuming that everything had already run out. But, take note – college kids on a Saturday night are some of the hungriest creatures you will find. So if you promise food, it's best to deliver.

Atmosphere:
One of a kind. When walking in, guests were greeted by a throng of people dancing in silence. Adding to the vibe were cool glow sticks and rings that flashed different colors. Overall a very trippy, but cool experience.

Turnout:
Average. Northwest Labs is a huge space to fill and although a good number of people showed up, the dance floor wasn’t jam packed. People actually preferred this, however, because 1) you didn’t have to wait for hours outside the door (flashback to first chance dance) and 2) there is nothing worse than being squished by hundreds of sweaty bodies (#mumps?)

Overall:
Success! Thank you to the CEB and FYSC for planning a sweet event open to everyone at Harvard. We cannot wait to see what is in store for Yardfest!

HUPD Crime Log 3/2-3/22

March 4, 2016
Officers dispatched to a report of loud music being played in the area. Officer arrived, and report no music being played, just lacrosse team practicing.
“Phew, that was close. TURN THE MUSIC BACK UP!”

March 6, 2016
Officer dispatched to a report of loud noise coming from the area. Officer arrived, and report asbestos work being done in the building. All necessary paper work was presented to the officer which allowed the company to perform the required work.
Glad to see Winthrop construction is starting early. #AsBESThouse

March 7, 2016
Officers dispatched to a report of an individual acting suspicious around the bicycle rack. Officers arrived and report individual gone on arrival.
The bicycle rack is the new hip hangout spot. All the cool kids are doing it!

March 9, 2016
Officer dispatched to a report of two individuals climbing on the statue. Officer arrived and advised individuals to not climb on the statue.
John Harvard’s foot lives to see another day.

March 10, 2016
Officer dispatched to take a report of a stolen black Sony video camera valued at $3,000.00.
Sony video camera: $3,000.00. Getting caught by HUPD: the Ad Board. HD Housing Day video: priceless.

March 10, 2016
Officer dispatched to take a report of two stolen packages containing ten ponchos valued at $10.00 and 40 packets of Gatorade valued at $25.00.
The theme of the party was “Sporty Bohemian”

March 14, 2016
Officer dispatched to take a report of a stolen pair of blue New Balance sneakers valued at $69.00 and black Beats speakers valued at $299.00.
There goes my Get Swole starter pack.

March 16, 2016
Officer dispatched to take a report of a stolen package containing a text book valued at $31.89.
For only $31.89, are you sure you didn’t get half a textbook?

March 18, 2016
Officers dispatched to a report of an unwanted guest sleeping in the stairwell. Officers arrived, located individual and sent them on their way.
Sometimes you just get tired halfway up the stairs.

March 21, 2016
Officer took a report of suspicious Facebook message an individual received.
“They promised me a free iPad!”

March 22, 2016
Officers dispatched to a report of two individuals throwing items at people and cars. Officers arrived and report individuals gone on arrival.
Just practicing for baseball season.

March 22, 2016
Officer dispatched to take a report of fraud.
“I could’ve sworn my friend wasn’t imaginary”

Check back next Friday for our next installment of HUPD Crime Log!

How to Make the Most of Yardfest

With Yardfest only a month away, the rumor mill has been churning out potential artists almost as fast as the mumps spread from the PSK to the rest of the campus. While it seems like we won’t be saying “hey what’s up hello” to Fetty Wap after all, there is one possible headliner who could be just as “damn fine, tho”.

A little bird (or maybe it was the Mather turkey) told us that Steve Aoki will be the latest artist to join the likes of Jessie J and Tyga as Yardfest headliner. Don’t know who that is? Still bitter that it won’t be Fetty? Well fear not, Flyby has compiled a list of pro tips on how to have a bangin’ time regardless if you’re a die hard Aoki fan or if you’re just as indifferent about him as you are about Yenching leaving the Square.

Tailgate
Who says tailgates are just for sports? Skip your boozy Sunday brunch plans and participate in the pre-Yardfest tradition of party hopping all down Mt. Auburn Street. Just make sure to remember your face mask before entering the PSK.

THE FOOD
Don’t forget that half the fun of Yardfest is the buffet style barbeque feast. Bonus points if you can find the truck of ice cream sandwiches to satisfy your mid-day munchies.

Snapchat
See if you can get close enough to the stage to use a Snapchat face filter on Steve Aoki’s face. If not, Snap Story your heart away so you can relive all your regrets while recovering from your wild night in your Monday morning lecture, because yes, to all who weren’t aware, Yardfest is in fact on a Sunday this year.

People watch
Play “I Spy: 9am-er Edition”. Challenge your squad to see who can spot the most students awkwardly standing around looking confused (or envious) about everyone being so turnt.

Steal the show
Teach yourself how to DJ and then learn every single Steve Aoki track so you can jump on stage and perform with him. Or in the event that all the rumors are false, replace whoever the actual artist is with the Steve Aoki favorites that everyone now has their heart set on. HUPD will be too preoccupied checking IDs and attempting to keep out wandering tourists to notice. Trust us.

Still uncertain whether or not you’ll have a good time? Well, don’t forget that Steve Aoki is the dude that basically provided the soundtrack for Project X. If anyone can breath some life into our comatose social scene, it’s him. So, start blasting “Boneless” to annoy all your neighbors who think studying is more important than Yardfest and get pumped for April 24th a.k.a. Harvard’s’ attempt to trick pre-frosh into thinking we can actually have fun!

Tips from Yale

Remember last year when we gloated over the fact that Yale copied Harvard by adopting CS50, our notorious introductory computer science class with record breaking enrollment numbers of over 800 students? Well, the saying “what goes around comes around” must exist for a reason, since recently some administrators at Harvard have been looking up to Yale to improve its social scene.

This year, the administration’s mission seem to be want to create inclusive, open, and safe social spaces on campus. Eli Schachar, a Lowell Resident tutor, has a few suggestions for how the College can work towards this goal. And, he happens to be a Yalie. Here are some of his suggestions:

A Harvard version of Toad’s
Toad’s, the notorious nightclub in New Haven, has its mixed reviews with its sketchy townies and sticky floors (but let’s be real; final club floors are sticky too). But we have to admit their party was lit during Harvard Yale weekend. It would be cool to have a Harvard version as well. Perhaps the club above Kong is a possibility. Chinese food and an open party space? Sounds like heaven to me.

More in-suite common rooms
The recent house renovations in Quincy, Dunster and Leverett have received criticism for the replacement of in-suite common rooms for hallway common rooms. In suite common rooms might very well be the inclusive social space so many students are pining for, something the administration should keep in mind with the renovations for Winthrop and Lowell coming up.

Freshmen live with upperclassmen in Houses
Yale is known for their residential college system, which are kind of like Harvard’s houses, except with freshmen. Instead of being sorted on housing day, Yale freshmen are sorted into their residential colleges before they even step on campus. This could have its pros and cons as we would lose Housing Day, a beautiful Harvard tradition. Plus, who will live in the yard dorms? Will freshmen live in the Quad as well? How many freshmen will get lost on their way to class? There are too many unanswered questions here.

Undergrad RA’s instead of resident tutors
Like many other colleges, Yale has undergrad RA’s or resident assistants instead of proctors and tutors. So instead of an angry and sleep-deprived grad student shutting your party down, it might be an even more sleep-deprived fellow Harvard student. This modification would really change the social dynamic. Some interesting possibilities here.

Perhaps a change is in need, despite the fact that the inspiration came from an icky place called New Haven. But some of these suggestions would change some of the fundamental traditions and nature of Harvard. It will be up to the administration as well as the voice of the students to decide what kind of Harvard we want to become.

How To Tell Your Parents You Got Quadded

Now that we’re all back from #SB2K16, the cold reality of Boston has hit us once again. And we're not talking about the snow, we're referring to Housing Day results.

I couldn’t help but notice that some freshmen were absolutely devastated when they got #quadded. If you’re one of the few freshmen who got Currier, Cabot, or Pfoho and are wondering how to break the news to your parents, don’t worry. Flyby’s got you covered. As a seasoned Currier tree-ling, let me enlighten you with the wonders of the Quad.

Food:
Want to shed the freshman 15 you gained last semester? But you don’t have time to go to those zumba sessions at the MAC? Look no further than the Quad. You won’t be spending all your money or gorging yourself with greasy food at the Kong or Tasty at 4 a.m.

But that doesn’t mean there are no restaurants near the Quad. There are a few hidden gems (and even a Starbucks) on Mass Ave and near Porter Square. A bonus is that these restaurants are cheaper than Harvard Square; your parents will most definitely be happy to hear that.

Facilities:
A common chant among Quad Houses during dorm storm is “more singles more sex.” Quad Houses indeed have more singles, resulting in the majority of sophomores getting singles. When calling your parents though, maybe focus more on how much studying you will get done without a roommate to distract you.

Besides the rooming, you can brag to your parents about the new facilities such as the dance center right across Garden street, the QRAC where you can finally #getbig, and the SOCH with its cool study spaces.

Fun:
There’s a reason why the Harvard Shuttle is packed on Friday and Saturday nights. Every weekend, there’s always multiple parties throwing down in either Currier’s Tenman or Solarium, Cabot’s Aquarium, or Pfoho’s Belltower or Igloo. No more wandering around the streets of Mt. Auburn.

Another bonus is that you do not have to go to Lamont Cafe anymore as a quadling. Cabot Cafe is a hip late night cafe with your essential coffee, tea, and steaming mugs. Most nights people gather to crank out some work. But some nights, there are concerts by bands like the Lighthouse Keepers with free drinks. Could life get any better?

If coffee isn’t your thing, the Quad Grille, located in Pfoho is another cool spot for late night munchies and games. Their milkshakes, mozzarella sticks and chicken wraps are a staple. While waiting for your food, you can play a game of ping pong or pool or lounge in front of the TV catching the latest March Madness game.

Not convinced yet? Still think the Quad is just a faraway land of exile? I can’t guarantee to sway all your parents, but just remember: You didn’t choose the quadlife. The quadlife chose you.

Moping About Mumps

Welcome back to campus, Harvard!

Whether you spent the last week chilling in Cambridge yearning for the sweet taste of HUDS meals, or lounging on a beach in Cancun, or carefully crafting a March Madness bracket that would be in tatters by last Friday night, you probably weren’t thrilled to be returning to classes today.

You didn’t do any of that reading you were supposed to catch up on over break, that pset due tonight at midnight is still lying unfinished in your backpack, and the outside temperatures are hovering around freezing again. Just when you think life can’t get any more grim, Dean Khurana and Dr. Paul J. Barreira slide in your @college inbox with an update about the hottest topic of the Spring semester: the mumps. (Ok, technically that update dropped last Thursday, but who actually checks their email over break?).

Didn’t read the email? It’s ok, it’s basically just Rakesh and Dr. Barreira reminding us all to not be gross. What’s more concerning is the increased ambiguity about how many people actually have the mumps. The numbers ‘have grown’, according to the update, but by how much it doesn’t say. Should we take that to mean a handful of students, or like, seven handfuls? How many students even constitutes a handful? We need answers, Paul.

Speaking of needing answers, spare a thought for the residents of the Inn at Harvard who weren’t initially aware that their dorm was being used to house mumps patients in isolation. Leaving aside the fact that the way the students figured it out (by noticing food packages suspiciously left outside the doors of isolated students) was kind of hilarious, it was probably pretty distressing news for them to learn.

Considering the incubation period for mumps is up to three weeks, we can be almost certain that mumps won’t be going away any time soon. About as certain as we were that those “6-10 inches” of snow never had a chance at shutting down class today (sorry Freshmen, you won’t be experiencing the glory of a Harvard snow day any time soon).

How To Live in Quarantine

In an emotional sense, Harvard can be an isolating place. But when you have mumps, it is the literal definition of an isolating place. Specifically, Harvard has become a place that isolates its students so much that it quarantines them in uninhabited Inns, and neglects to inform existing residents. So for those who either feel overwhelmed by the metaphorical isolation of their lives or by the literal quarantine of their mumps-infected room, Flyby has some tips on how to live in isolation:

Keeping Yourself Entertained

There are a couple straightforward options here. First, you can live vicariously through others by constantly updating your Snapchat feed and hoping that Harvard will get a mumps-specific filter. Adding celebrities on Snapchat is a new trend, and odds that they have mumps are low. Then, you can check your Instagram and Facebook. Eventually, face-timing friends in hopes that someone will care enough to answer is a good option, and you can check out Flyby’s special coverage on dating apps (let’s hope rumors haven’t spread of your viral infection), because clearly this attempt to find love (looking at you, PSK) didn’t end well.

Eating Regular Meals

For this section, instead of writing our own potential options, we’re just going to copy and paste the email sent to students with mumps itself. No, this is not a joke. This is the actual email received by students with mumps who have been isolated at the Inn:

You can use the HUDS website to see what is being offered, and then email your dining hall manager -- James Carr,james_carr@harvard.edu -- and the House deliverer about 45 minutes before you would like to eat. In fact, if you would like, you could place your order for all three meals at once, and just indicate pick up times for each meal. You can order hot or cold food, and HUDS will have it ready for the deliverer to pick it up. Once the meal has been picked up at the dining hall, the deliverer should call the student to let them know the food is on the way. The student should remain in their room with the door closed.

When the food is delivered, it will be placed by the deliverer on the floor in front of the student’s room, in the hallway. The deliverer will knock on the door. The deliverer will move away from the door and leave the area. The student should wait a minute or two after the knock for the deliverer to move away from the door. Then, the student may open the door and retrieve the food, closing the door behind them.

You read that correctly; no human contact for those infected with the big bad mumps, even at meal time. If that message isn’t isolating, I don’t know what is.

Make Sure People Care

Posting on Facebook might not be the best option if you don’t want people to avoid you for unnecessary reasons once you’ve recovered, but garnering pity through various Groupme’s and spending your time making sure the blocking group iMessage chat explodes every time your friends get out of class can be a meaningful and fulfilling way to pass your newly acquired never-ending free time. Because the other people also in quarantine likely have mumps, consider passing them messages through the doors asking if they would like to Netflix and chill.

If all else fails, do not fear: your literal isolation only lasts about two weeks, so the end is always in sight. For all those who are currently unscathed, keep calm and enjoy your freedom. You never know when a little case of the mumps could turn you too into a victim of isolation.

Check back for our next installment of How To every other Monday!

The Fifth State of Grief: Getting Over Panera

Harvard students everywhere are still in the process of recovery from the devastating news of the closure of our local branch of Panera Bread. Many lost souls have asked what would become of them without their favorite purveyors of baked goods and late-night study fuel. But not to worry, we the experts at Flyby have determined that not all is lost for the denizens of Harvard College. There's a new coffee shop in town called "Tatte," which we have judged to be an entirely satisfactory replacement for the following reasons:

You'll look more cultured - Gone are the days when you would give your patronage to a mere franchise coffeeshop. You won't be going to Panera Bread for a breakfast sandwich anymore––you'll be stopping by at Tatte for a croque monsieur. Now you too can revel in the envy of your plebeian state school friends as they hear of your superior culinary habits.

No more hunting for classier joints - Got a networking coffee grab coming up? Wanna give your next Tinder date the cachet of an upscale coffee joint? Bring them over to Tatte and blow them away with your discerning taste. Your sense of refinement will have future lunchmates reaching for your CV in no time––among other things.

Do it for the Gram - The upscale presentation of your new overpriced coffee will make for great Instagram fodder. Use it to fill in the gaps during reading period or finals week when posting a regular selfie will simply just not suffice.

So there you have it. Hopefully the sage advice of your friendly neighborhood Flyby editors helps you overcome your franchise coffee/pastry related grief. And if it doesn't, hey, at least you'll finally kick that caffeine addiction.

The Five Stages of Grief - Summer Plans Edition

Now that March is upon us, deadlines for summer applications have either passed or are rapidly approaching, and many students already have jobs or travel plans lined up for the summer months. If you do not have any plans yet, you may soon experience, or perhaps already are experiencing the following five stages of grief:

1. Denial: “This can’t be happening”

This is the beginning of the grieving process. You convince yourself that the rejections you received were likely sent to the wrong person and if anyone asks, you do have a summer job. This is the point where you start working your blockmates and friends’ parents in a last-ditch effort to set something up for the summer. That is, unless one of your friends beat you to it.

2. Anger: “How does everyone else have internships?!”

You have now progressed to the second stage. If anyone mentions their summer plans, you immediately throw a stink eye and hiss. You are furious that everyone seems to have their lives together, except you. If job applications were still done on paper, we’d recommend burning your personal copies. However, given most things are computerized now, maybe just go with that extra slice of cake and dinner and leave the laptop alone.

3. Bargaining: “I’ll trade you my dog for this job”

At this stage, you may start brainstorming a list of valuables potential employers might accept. These could include clothes, free SAT tutoring, a swipe to the second floor of Annenberg, or even your $250 Ec 10 textbook — autographed by Mankiw himself!

4. Depression: “My summer will be the worst”

Here, you enter a deep abyss of despair. To accompany a good cry, we recommend a tub of ice cream paired with a movie like “The Wolf of Wall Street” or “The Internship” to remind yourself of what you won’t be doing (and the money you won’t be making ) this summer.

5. Acceptance: “It’s okay: I wanted to do nothing anyway”

Congratulations, you have made it to the final stage. You have finally accepted the fact that you do not have summer plans and that is okay. You’ll always have next year — maybe start the process earlier next time around?

Flyby’s Ranking of the 2016 Housing Day Videos

Now that Housing Day videos have been released, and the best day of the entire semester is upon us, Flyby writers Sruthi and Brandon have set to the difficult task of ranking all of them (instead of, you know, studying for midterms).

1. Dunster: The House Awakens

Sruthi: Even though Dunster and Pfoho had essentially the same video this year, Dunster won out in the end. The video editing skills for this video were out of this galaxy (pun intended). That first shot with Dunster House in the middle of the desert was gold.

Brandon: Yeah, Star Wars seemed to be the go-to theme this year, but Dunster killed it with the video quality. I was halfway convinced that the Housing Video was coming out of LucasFilms studio. The moose at the end was the icing on the cake.

2. Pfoho: The Pforz Awakens

Sruthi: To be honest, picking between Dunster and Pfoho was the hardest decision. Pfoho’s great play on “The Pforz Awakens” was genius.

Brandon: I agree! Will Greenlaw’s cameo as Finn in the Pfoho video almost made me do a spit take the first time I watched the video.

3. Mather: Mather Be

Brandon: As a former member of an a capella group, I have to give Mather mad props for pulling off an a capella rendition of “Rather Be.” Plus, they went all out in the end with a full, high-school musical like dance routine.

Sruthi: Yeah, Mather definitely gets extra points for taking the time to arrange the song. I think using Rather Be was a great idea, and the lyrics throughout the song were great because they actually changed them to talk about the house.

4. Winthrop: All I Do Is Winthrop

Sruthi: Winthrop’s dancers are killin’ it, but the video could definitely have been way shorter. 7 minutes is a long time to dedicate to my procrastination. Props for using a song that fit the House name in though: All I do is Win(throp).

Brandon: I mean, you figure we all have the attention spans of ants by this point in the semester, so going with a super long video wasn’t the best idea. Their mascot was the redeeming quality—I could watch that lion dance all day long.

5. Leverett House: Housing Dreamz

Sruthi: The dream sequence was clever and took Leverett beyond the standard “music video” Housing Day video. Also, it was great to see a bunch of Leverett people get involved. The music video just seemed like a lot of fun to film. I’m not one to listen to Fetty Wap very often, but even I could tell this was well executed.

Brandon: Shout out to Flyby Writer Kamara for making it rain in the dining hall! But seriously, any house that went the Fetty Wap route automatically wins in my eyes. Plus, the vocals were good. Definitely better than some of the Fetty Wap emulators you hear at parties. Yaaaaaaaas.

6. Lowell House: Lowell Better Have My Letter

Sruthi: Drone footage gives Lowell lots of points. I feel like a lot of the same footage was used though so it got a little repetitive for sure.

Brandon: Tea-time in Lowell House never looked so lit before. It’s a shame that we’ll only get a year of Lowell Tea if we’re sorted into the house. The only reason we didn’t rank them higher is because of how misleading the clip about Lowell Steins was; that looked more like a party at Yale than one at Harvard.

7. Eliot House: Is It Too Late To Get Eliot House?

Sruthi: I was really impressed by the attempt to recreate the dancing from the actual video. The Flyby compers last semester made a music video recreating this same song, and so I recognize the difficulties that come with attempting those dance moves. That being said, it was a pretty average Housing Day video, and that’s why it ended up in the middle of the pack.

Brandon: Sruthi, we can actually never talk about that video again. My dancing was so bad… Considering that, you are totally right: you have to give the upperclassmen of Eliot House props for matching the pretty sick moves of the “Sorry” dancers. Speaking from experience, it is very hard to move your body like that, and I’m sorry we ever tried.

8. Kirkland: An American Musical

Brandon: Nice save, Kirkland. The original Kirkland video was unsettling… Not Quincy Man-Penguin unsettling, but nerve-racking. As if I wasn’t stressed out enough with midterms—I definitely did not need a bunch of upperclassmen yelling at me. They got points for trying, though. But going for a Hamilton-spin when every other video went for pop songs? That was definitely one of the best decisions they could’ve made. It definitely bumped Kirkland up from the bottom of the list. I’ve been humming that tune all afternoon.

Sruthi: I’m going to admit, I haven’t seen Hamilton yet, but I really want to. After Kirkland’s rendition, that desire has definitely gone up. I agree with Brandon that not going for the classic pop song gets them points in by book.

9. Adams: Remix to Tradition

Sruthi: As a freshman, I feel like this video didn’t have anything that grabbed my attention out of the several other videos I’ve been watching the last few days. I would like to point out that the little kids in Adams’ video are positively adorable. The few seconds they were in the video were great.

Brandon: Were they twerking? I severely hope they weren’t twerking… But I don’t know, I just wasn’t feeling the Adams housing video, and this is coming from someone who has prayed to the Housing Gods for Adams house.

10. Cabot: Hello

Brandon: I was waiting for someone to do a rendition of “Hello,” and Cabot finally came through. I LOLed when the main singer went off on that tangent about how far away the Quad is. I totally feel her—the Quad isn’t that far away. Plus, any video with a Rakesh cameo is cool in my eyes.

Sruthi: Okay so the star of Cabot’s video is Dean Khurana which is clearly a winning point. The issue with this one was it was a little static just because the song is so slow, but it was still a great way to show off the house.

11. Quincy DJ Qhaled

Sruthi: Yeah, I’m not sure if the Snapchat video route was supposed to be a new hipster technique for creating a housing video, but it didn’t work. For one thing, I couldn’t really hear what was happening in the videos, and I’m not sure I actually got to see anything clearly because of the quality.

Brandon: I agree, the Snapchat video was not the best choice. I was actually heartbroken to find out that this was Quincy’s official Housing Day video instead of their “Man-Penguin” episode. Seriously, it might have been one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen here at Harvard (and that’s saying something), but at the end of it I wanted to see more. RIP Man-Penguin, and shoutout to whoever did the vocals for the video!

12. Currier: Trump?

Brandon: This one was so bad that it actually got taken down by the house. I get the Trump theme and all, but I guess people are so disturbed by the idea of him being president that a video revolving around him was just too disturbing?

Sruthi: Yeah I guess this was just too close for comfort? I like the facial expressions for the Trump actor. Those were definitely on point. But overall I just felt like this video spent more time hating on other houses than actually letting people know what Currier’s all about.

Housing Day Terms to Know

Housing Day, aka one of the rare times during the school year we show an immense outpour of school spirit, is coming up on Thursday! While upperclassmen are bickering away with their friends about how their own house’s housing day videos are “objectively” the best, freshmen are probably anxious to figure out where they will be living for the next three years (and if you’re looking for some facts on all the houses, check out Flyby’s Housing Market). To demystify Housing Day a little for the Class of 2019, Flyby has put together some Housing Day terms you should acquaint yourselves with, and we’ve also taken the liberty to make up names for common experiences we’ve all had on Housing Day but don’t really know what to call them:

N-1 Housing
“N” stands for the number of people living in a room, so using some impressive math skills, we’re here to tell you that n-1 housing means one fewer room than the number of residents. This is probably a term freshmen will encounter when assigned rooms for the next school year because a lot of sophomores in River Houses will live in doubles.

Storming the Yard/Dormstorming
Every morning on Housing Day, houses will compete with each other to be the first to get to the yard. Eventually, this will turn into mobs of upperclassmen dressed in house gear heckling one another about whose house is best. House mascots will dance around the crowd, tourists will become immensely confused and snap pictures, and freshmen will peer out of their windows anxiously.

River Run
Some say you make a visit to each of the 12 houses the night before, others say you take a shot at each house, and some have set to fire miniature boats with names of houses they either did or did not want on the Charles. In any case, there’s always heightened HUPD surveillance on Housing Day eve, so stay safe everyone—the last thing you want to do is receive disciplinary action for attempting to take a shot of good old Rubinoff.

Blocking Group Sleepover
The night before Housing Day, blocking groups typically congregate in the room they asked for their housing letters to be delivered too. The sleepover agenda typically includes outdoing one another in knowing more facts about every house, analyzing the cinematic qualities of each housing day video, getting no sleep, and making fun of that one blockmate who has a midterm and is in Lamont.

*THE* Linking Group Text
Quite possibly the worst or best spoiler alert ever—when your linking group gets their housing assignment first and sends a group message to your blocking group about which house they got. Warning: they could also be lying to mess with your current state of fragility. Maybe it’s better to just put your phones on airplane mode, just in case.

Quad Tears
Some people cry in public when a Quad House storms their room and tells them they got quadded. Don’t do this.

Annenberg Lunch
The Houses basically take over Annenberg Thursday afternoon, with upperclassmen standing on tables and cheering. Your house specifically will shower you with love by giving you free House gear that will ultimately become gym attire or PJs. This is typically the time and place where every freshman will Instagram a picture of their blocking group with the caption #wewonthelottery.

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