Welcome to the Love Edition of Listen Up! Your trusted Flyby advisers—two uniquely unqualified, naïve, decidedly uninteresting juniors—are back with the latest advice and invaluable counsel: on your love lives.
We’ve always felt strongly that November 4th is the Valentine’s day of autumn. So cuddle up close to that special someone (or if you’re like any of the people who submitted questions, cuddle up with a body pillow), and enjoy the most romantic blog post of your life.
Oh, and don’t forget to submit your questions here or scroll down to the form below. We know you have problems. We have answers.
Why am I strangely attracted to the John Harvard statue?
This may be the first question that leaves us truly at a loss to answer. We can’t begin to imagine why you are attracted to the John Harvard statue. Is it his pee-soaked extremities? The fact that you love being photographed by crowds of tourists while you get down and dirty? Or that you’re just strangely attracted to pathological liars? None of those seem like good enough reasons for us.
How do I break the ice with the hottie in my house who I stare at from across the dhall? I'm just a girl that's probably way out of her league.
You just described the exact problem that plagues our daily existence. Literally 90 percent of our lives are spent in Adams Dining Hall, debating whether or not go to into the servery because we are terrified that we might awkwardly encounter the loves of our lives.
Believe it or not, dining halls have fostered almost as many relationships as Taylor Swift has ended. Here are two tips on turning up the heat at your next meal.
First, choose sexual foods. The path to romantic success begins in the servery, so stay away from your soups, cakes, and pastas. When was the last time that someone slurping clam chowder was sexy? Probably the same time that T-Swift was in a healthy relationship.
Second, pick your seat carefully. As with everything we have ever learned about social interactions, Mean Girls taught us that nothing is as important in the dining hall as location, location, location. Personally, our favorite technique is to scope out where your crush puts her things down and wait for her to go and grab food. While she’s gone, put your own stuff down next to her, and then just pretend “you didn’t see her things.” It’s the easiest way to make the jump from the creepy person who stares from across the room to the creepy person sitting next to her.
How do I deal with seeing my Tinder matches in lecture? What about when they're the professor giving the lecture??
It can be awkward to see your Tinder matches in person. Your interactions thus far have been limited to swiping right, and making the transition to the three-dimensional world can be challenging to say the least—how are these images moving independent of my thumbs?!
When using Tinder, never lose sight of its ultimate goal: to eventually meet these individuals in person. Don’t swipe left or right just for no reason but to exercise your thumbs. Trust us, there are far betters ways out there to up your piano game from Schubert to Rachmaninoff. Tinder is a social contract. By swiping right, you make a promise to see that person in the future (that’s how it works, right?). So if you “can’t even deal” with seeing your Tinder matches in lecture, in Greenhouse Cafe, at the Registrar’s office, where have you, you shouldn’t swipe at all. Good rule of thumb: if you rather be bit by a mite, you better not swipe right.
*Also, your professor situation seems like it might be a serious violation of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences’ sexual assault policy. Like, for real. You should really check up on that and talk to experts. History Professor Alison F. Johnson knows just about everything anyone could possibly know about the policy. We’re sure she would be happy to shine some light on the matter.
How do I get a date for winter formal. SERIOUS ANSWER PLEASE.
First of all, every answer we give is serious. How dare you imply otherwise. The nerve of some people… If you keep this skepticism up, you’ll never get a date for winter formal.
Winter formal is tricky situation this year. With most of the houses hosting their formals on the same night, a self-segregating phenomenon is at hand. Your best shot is probably a date from your own house. Here are some tips:
- Participate in IMs. Nothing brings people together like teamwork (or showing off your sports skillz.)
- Make your roommates get toilet paper. Don’t be that person caught walking past your crush with your arms laden with rolls of TP. Sure, everyone does it. But no one wants a reminder.
- Dhalls can spark more electricity than Pfister at a mushroom farm. Don’t be afraid to take two hour meals.
Plus, if you really get desperate, Steven and I are available. But we’re not sure if you want to stoop that low.
Ready for another classic love life question? I like guy, pretty sure guy might like me back, but guy is shy. So I asked him out for a casual, "just as friends" lunch in one of the dhalls, and we ended up talking for like 2 hours. And now it's been a week, and I really want to push this friendship (and then eventually romance) more, but idk if asking him for another meal is too desperate. Halp. :(
Clearly we have different definitions of desperate. If we were in your shoes, we probably would have proposed by now. Definitely go for it and ask for another meal. Once he says yes, follow up with our favorite emoji: the kissy face. Just send along one of those babies and you’re all set to take this relationship to the next level.
Love life solved? Great, send in your deepest thoughts, your weirdest phobias, and slightly gross habits in for Dev and Steve to tackle. Keep the questions coming!