Welcome to "Listen Up!," Flyby's weekly advice column, written by two jobless, washed-up seniors from their futon in Winthrop.
We recently received a question submission that went as follows: "Oppam Gangnam Style!"
Just to clarify, this is not actually a question. As in, if you submitted that as your weekly discussion question for section, you would fail (a.k.a. get a B-).
When we found ourselves questionless last week, we decided to create a focus group of Harvard students (i.e. we lured our friends to our suite with wine and M&Ms) to discuss some key questions facing our generation. After breezing through gay marriage, world hunger, and gun control, it was romantic interactions that most stumped our participants. This was not surprising: some studies show that five out of the five students who read this column do so primarily for advice about their love lives.
While we wait for you to actually send us some questions—you know, like sentences using a question mark—we are going to offer up some unsolicited advice on general topics of interest:
Long Distance Relationships: Really Don't Last
All couples in a long distance relationship think that theirs will be the one that works. "We are the exception," they say, gazing into each others' eyes on the computer screen as they enter their third consecutive hour on Skype. You aren't the exception. No one is. Break up now.
We know, we know, it seems like a good idea. Why would you break up with the person you love just because of a silly thing like distance? Here's why: distance is a bitch. It will turn you into a crazy, depressed person who is constantly texting, calling, Skyping, and crying.
Never thought you were the jealous type? Just wait until you meet your long distance girlfriend's male neighbor in a dorm that has unisex bathrooms. Didn't think you were clingy? In two months you'll be convinced that a twenty minute lag time in your long distance boyfriend's text response is the beginning of the end of your relationship.