Harvard Parties Aren’t That Bad

If you’ve had the distinct honor of attending a party in Pforzheimer House’s belltower suite, you’ve probably wished the Harvard party scene was a bit different. There’s usually too many people, too little alcohol, and far too many concerningly drunk freshmen. The floors are sticky, sweat covers the arch of your forehead, and the friend you came with is making out with some boy he just met.

Dorm room parties, likely the social event the average Harvard undergrad will frequent the most during their four years, follow the aforementioned formula. Understandably, many people want more from their social lives. Harvard is lackluster and the parties aren’t as fun as the ones at the state schools their friends attend.

Queer Eye for the Small-Minded Guy

There could be an entire season of “Queer Eye” in which it’s just different versions of me getting a makeover.

How Jurassic Park Got Me to Harvard

I fell in love, before my first crush and eons before my first girlfriend, with dinosaurs.

Growing up, one of my tios had a shelf packed with DVDs that was taller than I was for most of my childhood. One afternoon at his house, I watched the 1993 “Jurassic Park” film for the first time. My brother and I loved the animated, talking DNA strand, and we’d burst into giggles every time it came on screen. The filmed intrigued and thrilled us, and for me, was one of my first real obsessions, one that’s been difficult to shake.

The Tenderness of Cardi B

In a hallowed Harvard classroom last fall, I asked Dominican-American performance artist Josefina Baez what she thought about Cardi B. In response, she said that, like any other musician, Cardi B puts on a persona. Yet Baez told us she thought the lines, “And I pay my mama’s bills, I ain’t got no time to chill” from Bodak Yellow, were “tender.”

The things we find tender are often those we can empathize with, those that we understand. Born to a Dominican father and a Trinidadian mother, Cardi B identifies as Afro-Latina. She’s said that “I expect people to understand that just because we’re not African-American, we are still black.” In a country where Latina is often thought of as a racial category at odds with blackness, Cardi B’s expectation is refreshing.

Hollywood’s Harvard Problem

Harvard is no stranger to the big screen. The University is often employed in film and television, and it’s rarely reduced to a character’s alma mater. Instead, Harvard features as a centerpiece of their plotline, a cobbled red brick road to follow. With over 5,000 colleges and universities in the United States, Harvard becomes the brand name school of choice without which a screenwriter’s script falls flat.

“Legally Blonde,” the 2001 film that freshmen watch every fall on the steps of Widener, is premised on Elle Woods’s presumed inability to get into Harvard. She’s a ditzy sorority girl studying fashion who, in a boy-crazed attempt to win back an ex, decides to apply to Harvard Law.

“You … got into Harvard Law?” her ex-boyfriend Warner asks incredulously.

“What? Like it’s hard?” she responds, the joke being, of course, that she must be only person in the country who missed that Harvard has been one of the most selective universities in the country for decades.

“Gilmore Girls,” a wildly successful show that ran for seven seasons in the early 2000s with a 2016 Netflix mini-series revival, is premised on Rory Gilmore’s life dream of attending Harvard. At the beginning of the show, Rory’s mother, Lorelai, begrudgingly reconnects with her parents, who she despises, because they promise to pay Rory’s tuition at an elite prep school that will help her gain admission to Harvard. Harvard, with a mix of a mother’s love, outweighs the stress that comes with over a decade of unresolved family drama.

These shows use Harvard as a crux, but not Harvard as many of us students, faculty members, and custodial workers have come to know it. “Legally Blonde,” “Gilmore Girls,” and the number of other shows that wield the name, rely on what most viewers imagine this university to be.

A randomly-selected American probably could not tell you much about Harvard—who its president is, the different schools at the University, and other things students take for granted. But these same individuals might be able to tell you that Harvard is extremely prestigious, that is incredibly wealthy, that it is incredibly difficult to get into, and that those who attend are intelligent. Those are the most important assumptions made of Harvard, regardless of how accurate they may be.

Viewers find movies and shows infused with the Harvard brand name so compelling because a character’s ability to attend Harvard marks them as having a superhuman affinity for rising above their circumstances. Elle Woods graduates at the top of her class, and viewers rejoice because she’s intellectually surpassed the ex-boyfriend for which she was much too good. Though she ends up choosing Yale, Rory Gilmore is accepted to Harvard, fulfilling a lifelong dream after overcoming a pitiable start at an academically rigorous private school. More importantly, both do so relatively unscathed. Rory and Elle both struggle, but their Harvard storylines culminate with them giving graduation speeches to their classmates.

While catering to people’s imagination, it fails to acknowledge that Harvard doesn’t just churn out fresh, polished, unscathed young minds. Yes, Harvard produces intelligent, well-rounded individuals who often overcome their own personal story arcs and graduate into wildly successful careers. But Harvard is also the place where people’s mental health takes a turn for the worse, where people begin to resent the institution, where they collect trauma like trading cards.

And, worst of all, Hollywood’s Harvard problem is also ours. This motion picture-perfect version of Harvard is the one that clouds our own stories. We offer it when a classmates asks us how we’re doing, offering them a quick “fine” or “well.” We hide behind it when our friends and families ask about how school is going. Like those in television and film, these retellings of our Harvard experience are sanitized, utopic, idealized.