Run Run River Run Riot

Today--as freshman year culminates in a joyful orgy of House pride--began as a night of revelry, as it always must, with the River Run. The Class of 2012, however, successfully brought this age-old vigil to a new level: Chaos.

What is Chaos, you might ask?

Chaos is the sheer amount of nail polish remover, Axe body spray, and high-proof liquor that soaked the multi-tiered cardboard boats flung into the Charles last night.

Chaos is the scene described by an emergency caller around 11:20p.m., who believed that the Weld boathouse had caught fire, bringing dozens of firemen as well as Harvard, Cambridge, and Massachusetts State Police to the scene.

Chaos is the (supposedly) burning riverbank, to which freshmen eagerly thronged, only to be verbally chastised and scurried away by troopers’ threats of arrest.

Chaos is, apparently, the modus operandi of the Class of 2012.

Now, I’m only in my second year here, but I’ve never heard of anything like this. Neither has the Cambridge Fire Department, I might add: one member of the force said she had no idea what "River Run" was and had no memory of the phenomenon in her entire time with the force.

In response to the mayhem that was last night, I must both congratulate--the full force of the 2012 definitely impresses–and urge this year’s freshmen to ‘simma’ down now y’all.’

By all means, the craziness is encouraged--I streaked from Kirkland to Straus in an attempt to appease the River gods--but know that even if you go bat-shit and start flipping cars over, you could still end up in Cabot just like me.

Photo: Alan C. Chiu, Crimson photographer