It's time to pay homage to one of the great American traditions: the Super Bowl. Although the game is traditionally celebrated by consuming copious amounts of PBR and wings and participation in a betting pool, student athletes recently received a friendly email from Ryan Pekarek, a Compliance Intern from Harvard University's Department of Athletics, with the subject line "Don't Bet On It." The email reminded them that the NCAA prohibits "engaging in gambling activities as they relate to intercollegiate ore professional sporting events."
So while the rest of America will put up $10 billion dollars over this Sunday's game, student athletes can't engage in sports wagering, defined as "putting something at risk, such as an entry fee, with the opportunity to win something in return."
And just in case these NCAA, nationally ranked, physically agile, quick-thinking student-athletes didn’t get the message, the email also included the following formula:
Entry Fee/Something wagered + Prize Opportunity = NOT Permissible
Fair enough NCAA—this formula does seem rather foolproof. So what's a jock to do? No worries. While the rest of Harvard is throwing down big ones, here are some other items you could wager:
It's a Super Bowl party—there’s going to be wings, dip, beer, plenty of shouting at the TV, and almost inevitable wreckage to your poor dorm room. Sure, the supporters of the losing team may be bummed, but you wage, you rage, you pay. As soon as the boo-hoos are over, it’s time to whip out the Clorox wipes to clean up their sorry mess.
Don't worry, Flyby isn't talking literal heads—we don't encourage that sort of thing—but athletes could wager their luscious locks in support of their team. Losers should surrender their hair to the cuts and shaved patterns imagined by their friends. So even though your home team didn't win, you'll become a real headturner in the dhalls.
While prostitution makes for a first-rate class this semester, it doesn't belong at your Super Bowl party. Instead, hand the winners a Magic Marker, or a Sharpie if you really want to raise the stakes, and let them get creative with their body art. Let's just hope your friends can come up with something less drastic than this, but more clever than genitalia.
Just kidding, it didn't work for Faust, and it won't work for you. Even Drew can't help you with this one.