Put Up With Your Noisy Neighbor

It's 1 a.m. and you're trying to sleep, but the kids next door are being loud and rambunctious. You can't tell them to quiet down, because you want to look fun-loving, but you also cannot put up with it, because you are, in fact, not fun-loving. So here are some tips to help you deal with the noise in an effective manner that will not ruin your reputation as someone who enjoys deafening noises and doesn't need to sleep—because somehow vampires and insomniacs are still trendy.

1. Play Your Own Music

If your hallmates have bad taste in music and you find yourself listening to a bad combination of Avril Lavigne and the frat basement (believe it or not, there are good combinations) you may have to respond in kind. Move your speakers directly against the wall and blast your own music so that your neighbors get a taste of their own medicine. Personally, I like will.i.am's "Big and Chunky" from "Madagascar 2," but any song that at one time featured a large singing herbivore should do. Bonus points if it's a hippo.

2. Become Anonymous

Especially if you have been playing music from DreamWorks movies, you probably don't want to be associated with your room. So stop using your front door and remove any incriminating information from it. Replace your name and hometown with a picture of a criminal or thug. No one will dare bother you if you have a picture of Al Capone or Swiper on your door.

3. Invite Yourself

If your hallmates have already met you or if you can't find a flattering picture of Jack Sparrow, then try this amicable approach: Threaten to crash any future party. If your reputation is anything like mine, trust me, they will never throw a party again.

4. File a Complaint

Write an in-depth letter to your neighbor and outline all of your complaints in a comprehensive yet respectful fashion. This is a clear and effective way to communicate your thoughts. Then tear it up or burn it. Wasting paper always makes me feel better about things.