Flyby's Ideal UC Candidate Platforms

The campus is alive with election frenzy as the Undergraduate Council’s presidential race nears its end. Here at Flyby, we’ve heard a ton from the candidates about what they want to do if they are elected, but they still haven’t gotten around to asking us what we want. Well, here you go– we even put it in a neat list for you:

Introduce legislation to make Roxy’s Grilled Cheese a permanent addition to the Science Center Plaza
Cherry Lemonade is a must, even though the temperatures are quickly turning arctic. Without it, the world is cold and devoid of color. Seriously. Roxy’s is a necessity for student mental health, so any UC presidential ticket should make this a priority.

Relax book check requirements at Lamont
There’s nothing normal about how vigorously the Lamont security guards check every crevice of a backpack for stolen book materials. There’s not a single book we can think of that will fit in the small zipper pocket at the very front of our bag. We swear.

MORE COFFEE
This is a no-brainer. Coffee machines should literally be affixed to every surface. How else do you expect us to make it through our three-hour evening section?

Subsidies (looking at you, Ec10) for better (and safer) drinks
Although turning Harvard alumni money into party subsidies don't necessarily seem like it would be President Faust's number one priority, surely Harvard can afford to provide something other than the go-to bottle of cheap Rubinoff Vodka (by this we mean orange juice and water, of course) at its Saturday night sweat-fests? Get on that, UC. We need champagne to celebrate the end of a stressful week.

Ban Mondays
Speaking of stressful weeks, why hasn’t the Undergraduate Council thought to address the most obvious policy change: Monday classes. Specifically, those pesky 9 a.m. language classes. If we’re going to be forced to drag myself ourselves out of bed on a dreary Monday, the least the college could do is make sure we don’t have to do so until a reasonable time.

These are real, substantive issues! Flyby believes in the potential for these changes, and hopes that the UC candidates will too.