Recently, a fake Harvard rejection letter has circulated the internet, making light of the heightened anxiety surrounding college admissions around this time of year. The letter has been shared over 700 times on Facebook and Reddit, with many believing its contents to be authentic. But creator Molly McGaan’s set of talents, including “dank meme” proficiency and high levels of “$wagg moneyyyy” aren’t far from the realistic skill set of many Harvard students. The admissions office may be ostensibly looking for a set of qualities that define the next generation of talent, but from what we’ve seen of the student population during Primal Scream or even this past week’s first wave of midterms, they let in a wider range than just high SAT scores and well-written essays. What does it actually take to be a Harvard student? We think Molly McGaan has some real potential, and here’s why:
“We didn’t need a copy of your mixtape, regardless of how ‘fire’ it is.”
If the life of the average Harvard student were to be documented in a mixtape, what would it sound like? A moaning beached whale? Hysterical laughter after a midterm (regardless of the result)? Molly, your animal sounds may not be too far from reality, especially when we consider the fact that it’s nearly Spring Break, there’s still snow on the ground, and the Charles River has yet to un-freeze. What do we sound like when we realize we have three exams in a week? Yay?!
“We also suggest obtaining recommendation letters from teachers or trusted mentors, not my '#4 side ho Derek.'”
Picture this: it’s your freshman spring, and you’re just starting to look for summer internship opportunities because you’ve realized that Harvard freshmen by and large “accomplish things” and you need to, too. You also realize that your teachers, by and large professors who lead 400-student-plus lectures, probably don’t know who you are. Which makes sense, because you watched most of the lectures online. Sometimes, Chief Keef or your “side ho” may be the best ones to recommend you– yep, makes sense.
“We will be returning your copy of Grownups 2 signed by Chancellor Angela Merkel, because you said it was your ‘greatest possession’ and we don’t want it.”
Honestly, a signature of Angela Merkel would be a pretty big deal. Sure, presidents and the Humans of New York guy come here from time to time, but unless you’re the lucky duck who won the Institute of Politics’ elusive lottery, the closest you’re gonna get is a blurry Snapchat photo of the back of Amy Poehler’s head. Keep your head up, Molly, you sound like you’d fit right in!