So we told you how not to be the worst punchee ever (and we hope you listened). Now we’ve got some things to say to the people on the other side of the process: the punchers. We understand that it must be a fun power trip to have hundreds of eager sophomores bending to your will, but please, keep it cool.
Stopping mid-conversation to take notes on a punchee
We don’t need more reminders that it is your job to judge us. Please don’t pull out your phone randomly to take a few notes on us. If you really were just “trying to get to know us,”you wouldn’t need a record of our outfits.
Making speeches about ~inclusion~
An inclusive punch process is an oxymoron. If we wanted inclusion, we’d go to Khurana’s suggested Chaucer readings. Everyone knows that final clubs aren’t exactly the home of inclusivity, so stop pretending. Cut it out with the speeches. We’re not buying it.
Faking coolness for six weeks
It can’t be a coincidence that your rowdiest weeks of the year just happen to overlap with punch. We know you want us to think that you’re extra cool so that we join. But please, do us a favor and give us realistic expectations for the rest of the year. This is Harvard: We don’t expect you to party five nights a week, and we don’t even want to join if that’s your regular thing.
Apologetic emails to announce cuts
We know it’s not “just a numbers thing.” You’re not letting us down any easier by adding a GIF into your rejection email. Again, we didn’t start this process with expectations of all-inclusive love and belonging. We’ll get the message if we don’t get an aggressive knock on our doors followed by a letter.
These may seem like some big asks. After all, punch is a rude process on the whole. But we would really appreciate it if you did your part to make this campus a little less insane this month. If you catch yourself in any of these situations, keep your ears open for a: dude, that’s rude.