Two of my esteemed colleagues have now offered their not-so-esteemed opinions on the best frozen yogurt in Harvard Square. Both have tried to portray their froyo of choice in a patriotic light, but when it comes to American values, no frozen yogurt vendor can claim to top the heartland that is Yogurtland.
Here in America, we believe in freedom. While other lesser froyo joints restrict their patrons to just a handful of flavor options, the new Yogurtland location on JFK Street offers 16 delicious varieties of froyo at any given time—meaning customers have the freedom to choose from among 65,535 distinct combinations. Want to just do plain tart by itself tonight? Great. How about mixing tiramisu with taro? No problem. What about all 16 flavors at once? Well, this is America, and no one's stopping you.
Now you might say, “I'd feel terrible ordering 16 flavors and making the staff get all of them for me one by one.” Fear not, courteous reader: Yogurtland offers self-service, which means that you have full control over your frozen treat. The amount of yogurt, the proportions of the flavors, the selection of toppings, the amount of each of the toppings, the direction your froyo swirls, even the color of your spoon: It's all up to you. At the end of the day, you can proudly dig your spoon into the froyo and declare, "I built this."
On top of all this goodness, Yogurtland operates under a fair, forthright, truly American business model. Yogurtland is affordable, charging a mere $0.45 per ounce of sugary deliciousness. With price measured strictly by weight, there are no fees for extra flavors or additional toppings.
Wait—do you hear that? That's the phone’s ringing, and America's on the line. She’s telling you to take control of your life, to be a little adventurous. She’s telling you to recall the words of the great patriot Francis Scott Key and to embrace the land of the free and the home of the brave. She's telling you to go to the place where it feels like the Fourth of July every day of the whole damn year. She's telling you to pick Yogurtland.