A Little Levity
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I hear you’re leaving me at the end of next semester. While it was hurtful to hear about your move from third parties, I get it—breakups are hard. Yes, I know the b-word may be a little sudden, and yes, I know you have another location in Central. I just can’t.
The life of a student in Cambridge isn’t as carefree as it appears. While the town is idyllic, that doesn’t mean it fits the college budget. Too many vendors get away with too high prices, so FM has decided to call them out.
Colleagues— It is my second time reporting undercover from the tastefully-glorified bowels of the Harvard art world. Nearly a year ago, I risked my metaphorical, aesthetic skin to faithfully recount the student opening of the Harvard Art Museums. I write to you today to convey the recent opening of sculptor Josiah McElheny’s “Two Walking Mirrors” at the Carpenter Center last Thursday, Oct. 1, at 5 p.m.
You wake with the sun, in a fowl mood. The ground is rough beneath your bony feet, and you taste the regret of your previous night in bilious waves rippling up your gullet.
Look, we get it. Socializing is hard. Being sober is hard. Competitively socializing while sober is borderline torturous. FM’s solution: pregame the hell out of your next punch event with these seasonal cocktails.
Maybe she’s born with it. Or maybe it’s Malan. Have you ever dreamed of smelling like your CS50 professor? No, we haven’t either. But we have wondered what it would be like if professors’ essences could be captured, bottled up, and sold on the open market.
On a sticky September night, we sit in our dorm room swiping through the glittery new Snapchat filters. We apply the filters, which transform our grinning visages: our appearances morph into sagging old faces, our mouths vomit rainbows, and our eyes bulge out of our heads.
From Bernie Sanders to Donald Trump, just about everyone seems to be throwing their name into the 2016 Presidential race. So far, one Harvard professor, Lawrence Lessig, has announced his bid for the presidency. FM imagines four of our favorites striking up Cambridge-based campaigns.
Harvard Dorm Crew is a division of Facilities Maintenance Operations and employs scores of students to perform custodial jobs for on-campus housing. The students running this massive operation are no strangers to surprise. The cleaning teams have tackled everything from giant messes to bizarre left-behind possessions. After the mass exodus of students at the start of summer, dorm crew employees remain at Harvard to clean out the newly vacated rooms. It’s a chance to see the school in a whole new light, and catch glimpses of student lives from Mather to the Quad. It’s also a chance to find some crazy stuff.
It is with a heavy heart and fond memories of 35 years that FM remembers Berk’s Shoes. Congratulations on 35 years. We’ll miss ya.
Move-in’s done. Freshmen are finally settled. And we all have one question: Who made the best of the worst housing on campus? In search of the answer, we scoured the Yard and spoke to the people who live there. Here’s what we found.
Why hello ___________ (insert name of potential future employer)! What an ________ (excellent/fortuitous/unfortunate) coincidence seeing you here!
After searching for classes on the redesigned my.harvard for nearly 30 minutes, I’d only managed to find one potential class, a new Gen Ed that revolved entirely around eating chalk.