A Little Levity
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The stacks of Widener Library are an especially exciting place, capable of sparking a wide range of bodily functions. When nature calls, answer it with book in hand. These books specifically.
Turns out you can buy booze. Just very very very classy booze.
When I, like God, saw Franzia, I said, “Yea, it is affordable and of bad quality; therefore it is good.”
“Beyoncé -The Study” is a new Harvard Business School case study that examines the business operations behind the powerful music industry figure. But why stop at the B School? FM thinks every Harvard grad school should incorporate Beyoncé into its curriculum.
Defining “basic” is anything but. While basicness is commonly understood as a binary, close scrutiny—in the form of a weekend on Long Island—has reminded me that this is far from the case. Like electromagnetism and everything in a WGS class, “basic” is a spectrum, and like a proclivity for pumpkin spice, it exists inside all of us. To help make sense of this misunderstood condition (and our desire to pair Juicy with Uggs), FM presents the Basic pH Scale. Similar to the litmus paper from your 8th grade science fair project, the higher you go, the more basic you get. If you have any questions, visit BU.
The folks behind LS1A—Harvard’s popular introductory life sciences course—have become known for renaming various ordinary aspects of their class, such as tests (“ICEs”) and homework (“pre-games”). Confused by all these unfamiliar terms? Never fear—we’ve created a handy guide to the LS1A lexicon, and added a few suggestions of our own.
After struggling endlessly to get off Facebook (animal videos, duh) and finish my overdue Chinese philosophy paper, I want to reward myself. Head fogged by philosophers whose names I can’t pronounce and beliefs I can’t explain (if my PAFees are reading this, this is why you go to class), I seek a prize that can validate my maximum (but probably lower) B+ grade. I’m craving something that can quench the thirst that can only be acquired in Lamont’s stratospheric top floor. I stick my hand into the fridge. What cool and refreshing beverage might I mooch off my roommate? A PBR? A Natty? Perhaps even a worldly Heineken? To my horror, the bottle that greets me is labeled with a John Boehner resembling jack-o-lantern (obviously in color, but shockingly also in form). Pumpkin beer. It takes me a second to wrap my head around such a foreign concept. Dutch, perhaps?
Beer is gross. My editors, it turns out, are also gross, as they have decided to devote an entire issue of our magazine to it. But I am a communist, and thus oriented towards taking one for the team. As an act of protest, however, and because I do not believe in market economies/have $13 in my bank account, I am only reviewing the beer I manage to get for free: at parties, and, in an act of virtuosic mooching, from my roommate’s supply. It’s not pretty, but neither is late capitalism.
Always keenly attuned to the spiritual needs of our readers, Fifteen Minutes gazed skyward this week to assess the future. The best way to consult the oracles, we have learned, is by lounging on divans with sweet Ganymede, Zeus’s cupbearer, at our elbows.
Everybody’s been talking about the similarities between the Isis Club and the militant group, ISIS. To ensure our readership is informed and capable of discerning the difference, we present a difficult, though informative, quiz. Choose which group provided the following quotes.
A Chinese website has begun selling “Harvard” email addresses. FM imagines how an ad for a particularly valuable account might look.
Imagine that on a warm, bright day in whatever month they usually do this sort of thing, the United States Congress tables all other bills and pushes through, unanimously, one that prevents all legal residents of non-contiguous states (that is: Alaskans, Hawaiians) from being anywhere within the contiguous 48 for the entire month of, oh, let’s say September.
It’s always refreshing to pick up a Crimson editorial and instead find yourself reading a brochure for Harvard; it reminds you what an idyllic place you thought your house would be. You believed you’d sit down with strangers and jump straight into metaphysics or social justice.
This week, a feat of daring and potential product endorsement: the Charles Shaw challenge. Three different bottles of “the world famous” $2.99 whites. One different me. “Charles Shaw” corrects to “Charles shame” on my iPhone.