Nelson T. Greaves

Columns

I Google, Therefore I Am

She’s beginning to understand me, old Internetta. Each day, she and her lap dog Webosperos know more and more about ...

In The Meantime

Thinking Inside The Boxes

I just filled out my census, and boy are my arms tired!

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Columns

Permanence is So Passé

Let’s talk about marriage and haircuts.

Nelson Greavances
In The Meantime

Some Perspective, Please

Say what you will about Americans.

Columns

Of Drunkards and Dimwits

Where I come from, dreams go to die. I don’t mean Mordor. That’s where Balrogs go for iron-plated armor. I ...

Columns

Exposed Online!

Ham pants.

In The Meantime

Suck It, Vampires!

Grooooooorrn. I am a Barvardian Blromp! And I’m magical, other-worldly and mildly derivative. “Huh?,” you say in a spoooooky voice, “Moooore informaaaaaation?” Well… The year is 2014 and I appear on posters and book bags. Twilight has grown staaaaale. “Vampires?,” you say, scoffing and playing your Nintendo “Them” like a Zelfingorger! Forget vampires, give me gorgeous teenage Blromps loving each other’s bodies on a Bliztorte! That would be vokerous!

In The Meantime

Birthday Blues

Don’t worry about it. You know what? Not even mad. It’s water under the bridge—less than that—poop shards under the ...

On Campus

The Skinny on Fatness

I can’t tell if I’m getting fatter or skinnier.I just know that I am. The general bulk is somehow shifting. ...

Columns

The Dangers of Technology

My Uncle Deard died last week of natural causes. I know because my mom texted me—texted, in fact, my entire ...

In The Meantime

Career (un)Fair.

Warning: The Career Fair is not an actual fair. Fairs have ponies and candy and fun houses with mirrors that

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The Quincy Cage, Uncaged

“Turn on, tune in, drop out” should be the adopted slogan of the Quincy Cage—but hold the drugs and emphasize

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Miss Bad-Ass

Shawna L. Sinnott ’10 can kick your ass, ball-gown, high-heels and all. After competing earlier this year in the Miss

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T-Rex Did Not Have King-sized DNA

The T-Rex may once have been king of the predators, but a new study shows that the reptilian giant may

Dare to Dye
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Dare to Dye

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Dos Besos

A World Cup Malcontent
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A World Cup Malcontent

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Then Rain Comes