Jacob R. Drucker
I want to thank all the seniors for what you’ve done and wish you the best of luck in your endeavors for the next two years, before you come back for grad school.
The real issue is that I’m not yet 21 and all my friends seem to be hitting their midlife crises already. Talk about struggling through finals period.
For the uninitiated, this week is Passover, an eight day holiday in which your favorite local lawyers and doctors, the Jews, celebrate their exodus from Egypt by depriving themselves of everything remotely edible.
My point is that everyone and his grandmother is working on some sort of start-up.
All houses were created equal, the same way your parents love you and your siblings equally, ignoring the time they gave your brother a new car for Christmas to replace his old one, and they didn’t even bother to give you, the older sibling, a new bicycle.
President Faust, I am told, was scientifically correct, but could have sounded more insensitive only if she had Skyped into the meeting from her private villa somewhere in the Caribbean, swimming in a pool of hundred dollar bills.
Nobody can be too surprised to find out that so many of us duplicated our profiles or made the jump from Snapchat to Tinder, making our search for a fun night out just a little more explicit.
In preparation for finals week, you should first learn the hours of Dunkin’ Donuts. Starbucks is for hipsters, who sip double-whipped peppermint mocha frappalattes and write “underappreciated works of contemporary societal analysis.”
How could the president tell us such a lousy lie? He couldn't find anything better to lie about?
The Middle East is hardly a model of stability. Civil wars, bloody suppressions, and international conflicts seem par for the course. However, the past few years have seen an increase in violent struggles in the region. And these recent upheavals are harbingers of future Mideast chaos, caused in part by the decreasing global importance of oil. An isolationist shift in American foreign policy, excepting only Israel, will exacerbate this trend toward regional destabilization.
We were supposed to be perfectly safe, we suburbanites, protected by airport screeners and those wars abroad and successive presidents who put safety above all.
France’s decision to invade Mali in many ways vindicates the Bush Doctrine.
We never did learn to knife fight underwater.
Movies mean big business. They are popular, far-reaching, and, with any luck, entertaining. The movie industry, though, does far more than entertain us—it plays an active role in shaping our collective consciousness.
As a Florida native who survived too many storm seasons, I feel obligated to impart to my faithful northern readers some advice and wisdom regarding hurricanes.