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THE right man in the right place, - a Freshman at Prayers.

AN Irishman who was engaged to cut ice from a pond, when handed a cross-cut saw to commence operation with, pulled out a penny, and, turning to his comrade, exclaimed, "Now, Pat, fair play; head or tail, who goes below." - Mirror.

THE editors of the Acta Columbiana have endeavored to stimulate contribution and subscription, by offering a prize of $25 for "the best article on any subject of interest, except religion and politics," by an undergraduate subscriber. The judges are to be selected by the board of Editors from among the alumni. The article must be between 1, 000 and 2, 000 words in length.

THE College Journal says that the judges of the Philadelphia courts have established a rule, admitting to the bar without examination all graduates of the Law School of the University of Pennsylvania. The same paper has a long editorial about Carlyle's supposed refusal of the honorary degree offered him by Harvard. Its moralization, and its aphorisms about "toadyism," are extremely amusing. The subject is treated with a gravity which reminds one of the discussion of the Cardiff Giant in recent English periodicals.

PROFESSOR to Student, whom he meets walking unsteadily up College Hill: "Been on a drunk?" - "So have I." - EX.

THE Round Table publishes a long article against dancing. The writer thinks that the introduction of this profane amusement into the mixed college society of the West would tend to change "sober, intelligent, earnest, religious young men" into "fast, wild, and irreligious" characters; and to make of "virtuous, modest, Christian young women," "young women either insipid and fond of frittering away their time reading love-stories and dreaming about young men, or else bold, unchaste, and immodest." The terpsichorean efforts of this author have probably not been attended with success.

THE fine slate roof now being placed on Memorial Hall will, when completed, contain the following inscription in Hebrew: The day is short, the reward is great, the laborers are few, the Master urges." It will be set in the slate, blue on red ground, with gilt marks of accent and gilt stars, and other ornamentation. - Union Spectator.

This is pretty good; but Columbia can go them several better, the armorial bearings of the latter institution being exceedingly loud. We quote from the Acta Columbiana the following description of its crest: "Above, Jehovah in a glory."

OXFORD has vanquished Cambridge in foot-ball. There are 2, 537 students in the University of Cambridge. The Oxford Union decided against female suffrage by a vote of 51 to 17. In Cambridge, That in case of any decided action on the part of Russia and Austria with regard to the partition or reconstruction of Turkey, it is a paramount and national necessity for England to take possession of the Suez Canal," was decided by a vote of 40 to 2; the only speaker against being Mustafa Ben Yusaf.

IF there is one thing sweeter; snugger, squeezer, kisser, hugger, than another in this world of love and sunshine, it is going to a college mixed. Smiles, sugar, and soothing-syrup, serenades and sadness, study nothing, go among 'em, everything. The old fashion of "going it alone" is played out for the better one of "going it double." Some may take their education "straight," but as for me, "give me 'mix,' or give me nothing."

Of all the institutions which a fast age has fixed,

There is nothing that compares with a college that is mixed.

Simpsonian.JUST as Simpson was going to his place of business on Maumee Street, the other morning, his wife received a telegram stating that her mother was dead, when this dialogue took place:-

"Mr. Simpson, you cannot go to work this morning, your mother-in-law is dead."

"My dear, it will be impossible for me to leave my business to-day."

"Why, Mr. Simpson, how will it look? Only think, your dear mother-in-law will be buried to-morrow, and you working up to the last minute!"

"Can't help it, my dear; business before pleasure, always." - Ex.

HERE is a bit of advice given by one Freshman to another: "Jacques, if you keep on quarrelling with everybody who loves your wife, you will soon have no friends."

IF a friend should ask us what college paper exhibits most of that generous, noble spirit that characterizes the good and great, and the least of that petty, snarling disposition which Quilp possessed, we should to the Yale Record and say, "Not that, not that." - Dartmouth.

And yet the Record "sprinkles us with roses," this week. It says that the chivalry which considers an insult to the man an insult to the institution is sensitiveness only equalled by that of the Harvard papers. The Record admits that its remarks were abusive, but takes refuge in the strong position that "the only redress a gentleman can obtain from an abusive editor is to sue him for libel, or to administer personal chastisement," and winds up by asserting that "in all events it is a personal matter between individuals."

DR. S - E (glancing over the roll). Mr-er-er Handy (looking up), is he here? (Handy elongates himself.) Ah, Mr. H., I 'm glad to see you, sir, glad to see you. (H. blushes.) Well, Mr. H., do you - By the way, Mr. H., how you 've grown! (H. gets nervous.) Yes, Mr. H., you look decidedly, very much better. (H. shakes all over.) Why, indeed, Mr. H., you are une parfaite grandisement. Ain't that so, Mr. H.? (H. says that's not in the lesson.) Ah, yes, Mr. H., that's true, all very true. Well, to come to the point, do you think you know this lesson? (H. says he did know it once.) Glad to hear that, Mr. H. Well, what's the chapter to-day about? (H. says it is about civilization.) Very good, sir, very true. I 'm glad to see that you looked at it. Well, sir, what is civilization? (H. says it's the absence of unenlightenment.) Y-e-s, that's all true; but - you are, I think, a little too general; try to be a little more concise. Well, don't let me interrupt you, sir; go on. (H. says civilization is a very good sort of a thing; if we did n't have any civilization, we'd have barbarism.) Y-e-s, that's quite true, sir; but what - Well, I 'll get somebody else. That will do, sir, that will do. (H. seats himself.) You did better than I thought you would, Mr. H. - Penn. Univ. Mag.

The Young Ladies of C - Street.O teeth of pearl, 'twixt lips that curl,

Inviting kisses!

O gladsome smile, received oftwhile

From these fair misses.

O maidens coy! 't is students' joy

To catch your glances;

The laughing talk or evening walk

Our joy enhances

Pray, will you not feel for the lot

- Of those below you?

Be gracious, then, nor scorn us when

We seek to know you.

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