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I 'VE just come over from abroad,
Been there a year, you know,
And now I find America,
I must say, rather slow.
Of course I took in Italy,
And did the Alps and Rhine;
Things every fellow ought to see,
And really deuced fine.
But then that blasted sight-seeing
Soon gets so devilish tame, -
Old pictures, and that sort of thing,
Are all so much the same.
Besides, this tourist business
Is such a horrid bore.
I stopped in Paris near six months;
Was up at London four.
A rattling place that Paris is;
The women, sir, are fine;
And then, by Jove, I never saw
Such cooking and such wine!
But England after all 's the place
For gentlemen, by gad;
Now here a fellow to succeed
Has got to be a cad.
The fellows of good family there
All have some opening;
They give 'em seats in Parliament,
And all that sort of thing.
Our House and Senate over here
Are all made up, you know,
Of such a deuced scrubby lot,
No decent fellow 'll go.
Then cads all dress so badly there,
And gentlemen so well,
One can distinguish which is which,
Now here, a man can't tell.
I rode a goodish bit out there;
They pretty much all do;
I always used to keep a back,
And thoroughbred or two.
This pounding along Beacon Street
Is rather slowish fun
Beside an outing on The Row,
Or a cross-country run.
And then this early dining here, -
A nasty trick I hate;
Now over there they never dine
Before half-after-eight.
Our girls are pretty, I allow;
They 're clever, and all that,
But after Paris women, - well,
They 're just a trifle flat.
One ought to love one's land, they say;
Well - I 'm no patriot;
I always thought that sort of thing
Was poppycock and rot.
I 'm going out again next spring;
Once there, I shall remain;
And then I hope I never 'll see
This blasted hole again.
J. B.
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