AS I issued from the Gymnasium after my afternoon's exercise last Friday, a torn bit of paper caught my eye. I picked it up, and discovered a tabulated set of rules. The beginning was torn off, and the letter began abruptly.
". . .previous advice has been more worthless than the salt on an animalcule's eyeball, in the evanescent futurity of molecular action, I have by means of cosmic interpolation evoluted the followed restrictions, which have been gratuitously inscribed for me by my majestic biographer, from the homogenous particles of the solar system.
The Gymnasium is open to all students from 4 to 5 A.M., and 10 to 11 P.M. No students will be allowed inside the building at other times, as it might injure the apparatus.
For the benefit of the numerous disciples of Harriman, no smoking will be allowed.
All students intending to exercise must appear in costume, if members of a club they must wear its uniform; the uniform of the Harvard Rifle Corps, a coat and cap, will not be sufficiently extensive.
To prevent shocks to visitors, the regulation costume for all not belonging to some association will consist of a long ulster, a pair of rubber boots, a rubber hat and cape, fencing gloves, and masks. Thus it will be impossible to identify the numerous students who neglect college work to devote themselves to exercise.
Every student will be expected to provide himself with the costume mentioned above, a patent gymnastic belt, a cake of perfumed soap, a flannel bathing-suit with shoes, and a copy of the Harvard Recorder.1 Students must leave their shoes at the plank walk, and put on white felt slippers; no slippers can be used except those sold at the Gymnasium at the moderate price of $8.00 a pair.
Students will be allowed to provide their own drinking-cups.
Students wishing to use the bowling-alleys will file an application the day before, together with an entrance-fee of five dollars in case of damages. After this has been approved by the Council of Ten, the Ferocity, the Precedent, and the Direct Tar, the application will be returned to the student, who will then proceed to the janitor, who will give him an order on the attendant, who will assign him an alley.
Before using the bowling-alleys, students must have their nails clipped short by the attendant, in order to prevent injury to the balls.
Students are forbidden to keep their records on the ceilings.
No one will be allowed to play at Lacrosse or Tennis with the balls from the bowling-alleys, or to use them in any way except by placing them gently on the alley and suffering them to roll down the alley by their own weight.
The Tennis Club is allowed the use of the baseball room. Students may learn which of the score of such organizations is the Tennis Club par excellence by application at the office.
Students taking History 15 are requested not to exercise near the place provided for spectators, as several visitors have noticed the emaciated appearance of the students in that elective, and have gone away under the impression that they had been to Somerville and not to Cambridge.
Laboring in the revolving concatenation of hope that these rules may be taken under your peculiar and syllogistic attention, I am yours in the sempiternal brotherhood of science,
Hon. Daniel Pra - "Here the manuscript became defective.
1 An elegant edition of the Recorder, bound in crimson cloth, containing all the rules, superbly illustrated with magnificent colored cuts of the Gymnasium, the big dumbbell, view of the dressing-room by moonlight, and portrait of the Director, has recently been published by Mauzis Khan (Harvard College).