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THE PILGRIM'S PROGRESS.

REVISED AND EXPURGATED FOR THE USE OF STUDENTS.

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

AS I walked through the wilderness of this world, I laid me down and slept. And in a dream a fair oasis met my sight, and I saw one Lighthead leave a fair city in this oasis, parting from father and mother, from brother and from sister, yea, from his cousin also. And on his back was strapped a great burden of books, but in his head had he none. And Lighthead journeyed forth from his kindred thus, declaring that he would learn wisdom and taste of the tree of knowledge. And as he went (gently reclining in a Palace Car of the fabric Pullman) an elderly lady, kind and exceeding curious, made bold to ask him wherefore he sallied forth thus alone. To which Lighthead replied, "I go to the College Harvard." "Nay," quoth the dame, "'tis a naughty place. Prithee turn back." But Lighthead, still with his burden on his back, went forward, and on the morning of the second day he reached a city duller than the grave. And Lighthead, somewhat weary, did partake of refreshment and the nut-brown ale; and asking of the carle who kept the inn, he learned that the place was hight Vanity Fair, and in it was Harvard.

Then a great qualm came over him, and girding up his loins, he sped through an open green,

hemmed in with mansions of brick. And afar off he espied one of granite, which he made haste to enter. And being come up one flight of stairs a door stood before him, on which was written U. 5. Then Lighthead stood abashed, but presently the good Spirit of Knowledge came to him and whispered, "Knock, and it shall be opened." So Lighthead knocked, but it was not opened unto him. Then was he disconsolate, and descending the stairs two men met him. One was called Worldly Wise, - he wore a beaver hat, and a stick; the other, named Sloth, was likewise garmented. "Pray, sirs," quoth he, "where can I register my name among those who are blessed?" Worldly Wise, with an ill-hidden smile of scorn, replied, "Don't register at all." "Nay, but I must," the hero replied. "Then sit upon that step," said Sloth, "and wait." So Lighthead waited, and the noon past and evening came - but no one else. Then he, feeling the day was cold, got up and departed. That night he thought much of his home, and wept.

After this, on the morrow, he with many more was placed in a large cage, and given ink and pens and paper, and bid to write. And he did write, but it was all wrong. The keepers of these cages glided up and down before them noiselessly, and watched the inmates. Then Lighthead turned to a wight next him and inquired, "Why do they peer at us so carefully?" "They are afraid that we may spring a crib upon them," replied the lad; but ere Lighthead could go farther in his quest of knowledge, one of the watchers did approach, and said, "Report yourself at the office this afternoon."

So Lighthead once more climbed the granite steps, and venturing in, he encountered two strange and marvellous beasts. One was as a polar bear, white; the other bore the tawny mane of a lion, but naught else pertaining to that creature. Then Lighthead trembled in his sandals, for these guardians of the place seemed very wroth. But the first despatched him to the second, and the second to the first; and whilst they were dallying thus, Lighthead vanished through the door, leaving them still discussing which of them should feed upon him; for he was a fresh morsel.

And next I saw Lighthead joined to a band, more than two hundred strong, which was going to abide in Vanity Fair four years. And the burden of books that was upon him grew lighter as he went on; and he sought for knowledge in other ways. And he became expert in shuffling bits of pasteboard, covered with red and black spots; and he could tell the difference between the nut-brown ale of Vanity Fair and the red wine of Macon; and he no longer journeyed afoot, but in the wagon of one Shark. And Lighthead struggled often up the hill Difficulty, bristling with unfavorable conditions, but he never reached its summit; for, ere he had passed four years with his chosen band of Vanity Fair, the rulers of that mart, who call themselves wise men, chased him away. And Lighthead left that pleasant oasis, unburdened with knowledge, and went out into the wilderness of the world. And he now abideth in the place Chelsea, over against Lynn.

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