THE HERALD, always on the alert to furnish its readers with the latest news, is pleased to announce the discovery by a reporter of a copy of the Roman Daily Squint-Eye. We should like to speak of the Squint-Eye as an esteemed contemporary, but, with due respect for the editors, must decline to do so, for the paper was printed about A. D. 125. We present below some extracts :
A large and brilliant audience assembled yesterday at the Coliseum to witness some gladiatorial contests that were given by our popular friend, Quintius Publius, recently elected to attend to the removal of ash barrels from the sidewalks, and the arresting of students, who to use the splendid words of the orator, must be destroyed.
The receipts of the box office show that there were nearly 30,000 persons present, and an equal number of slaves and women.
Chief interest centred upon the young gladiator, Magnus Pugnus, whom the management have been so judiciously advertising. After killing three lions, an elephant, six leopards, crushing the skull of an ox, kicking down a frame house and eating ten or twelve slaves, he was pitted against one of the stock company of gladiators, Totus Idem. We cannot speak too highly of the ease and grace of Pugnus. After some amusing by-play, such as gouging out each other's eyes, tearing ears, etc., the combatants went at it in earnest. It was a royal fight, and the emperor showed his appreciation by now and then throwing a virgin into the bear-pits.
An elegant reception began last evening at the residence of Mr. and Mrs. Junius Antoninus. Dancing will be kept up until next week. The banquet is being furnished by the caterer, Lucius. Among other things on the menu, which were engraved on gold, we notice "perfumes of Araby, fried in crumbs; Phrygian zephyrs, with June-bug wings; hum of Cicadas, with dissolved pearl sauce, beside many other rare and novel dishes. As we go to press the company are enjoying themselves immensely, three have been poisoned and the rest are all drunk.
We must call the attention of the Emperor to the necessity of beheading a few of the students. Yesterday, at the coliseum, they acted shamefully. When the dozen virgins were about to enter the dens to be eaten by the animals, a body of students, without the slightest regard for the presence of the Emperor, went up and coolly asked the girls for a lock of their hair. And it was only a week ago that we gave an account of a student who killed a barber, because when he asked to be shaved, the barber innocently asked him "if he'd send his slave to get it." The Emperor should impress upon the pupils and their pedagogues, that they had seen Rome, and that the sun would get up, if they didn't.
An interesting case is being tried in the Forum. It seems that a young man has been for some time paying attention to Julia, the daughter of Flavius. The latter has agreed to give the girl to the young man, Lentulus, but in the meantime another lover offers several million more sesterces for the girl, and Flavius of course agreed he should have her.
Flavius now sues Lentulus for the cost of oil burned during his calls, some of which, says the prosecutor, lasted three weeks. Lentulus puts in a rejoinder, and says that on three several occasions he kissed the girl, who is homely enough to quiet the Delphic oracle, and that in consideration of this he ought to be let off.
We acknowledge the receipt from the Emperor of an order not to publish the names of his guests at dinner who happen to die rather suddenly. We would like the Emperor to understand that we run the paper, and don't care a nightingale's eye-lash what he says. Our funeral will take place day-after-tomorrow, and all those who have paid up their subscription to date are invited. We are at present receiving bids from the widow.