Of late, certain insidious reports have been current in the University to the effect that the authorities are taking measures to subvert the most ancient and jealously-guarded of all undergraduate privileges, to wit--the natural and inalienable right of the student to sleep when and where he pleases. Rumor has it that the "goodies" are instructed to report all those that are found in bad after midday, with the result that several of our most prominent sleepers have been caught under the new rule. Some say that the Dean's office is responsible--others, the Regent; while there are not wanting those who maintain that the whole thing is propaganda fabricated by Local .001 of the United Sisterhood of College Goodies to shorten their hours of labor by encouraging early rising. Fear is expressed that unless the union is broken at once, the emboldened "goodies" will drag us from our beds at earlier and earlier hours, until even the seven o'clock bell will no more disturb our slumbers.
Such is the monstrous fate which overhangs the hapless undergraduate. What a relief, therefore, to learn that the fuss is all due to a new efficiency system whereby the "goody" must give a reason if a room is not "made up"--and the easiest excuse is, of course, that the occupant rose too late. This is to protect the "goody" from being discharged for laziness. So the persecuted student may breathe freely once more and seek his downy coach without fear that his "morning after" snores will shake Olympus. The little white card which alone bears the testimony of his delinquency will never meet the eye of Dean or Regent; but will be efficiently buried forever in the dusty oblivion of lower Massachusetts.