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THE CRIME

"Small habits well pursued betimes May reach the dignity of crimes

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

The Seniors who received formidable questionnaires last week asking their opinion on "The Sort of Woman You Wish Your Wife to Be," need have no fear. The Women's News Service, Inc., is more than answered in a letter received by the Mayor of Lancaster, Pa., from forty lonesome men of Monson, Wash. The leader of the stalwart band, Mr. R. C. Huggins, declares they are strong and healthy, not a single runt among them. If this appear does not reassure the investigating ladies in New York, nothing will.

"In the northwest wood, good cooks and wives are scarce. We have lots of females that can feed one from tin cans from the grocery, the Buster Brown haircut kind, high-heeled, beauteous, automobile vamps and dance hall microbes but what we want, sir, are just plain women.

"Women who sew and bake and in the spring hoe and rake, and not afraid the garden to make. Those who are pleased with a good team and lumber wagon to go to church on Sunday, and who will be satisfied with three good meals a day and a warm home and not afraid to call the chickens. Not one hat will threaten one with divorce courts when you don't purchase a new hat every spring and fall."

PATHETIC FALLACIES

Not noticing the accent's pose.

I used to call the town San Jose.

Later, when wisdom's dawn was rosy.

I quickly learned to say San Jose.

But now, with H instead of J.

I call it rightly San Jose. SIMPLE SIMON

Our friend in the Law School, since he first year optional exam, has adopted Necessity for a middle name. Necessity, he explains quite logically, knows no law.   BONZO

SUBWAY LULLABY

Sing me songs of Park Street Under.

Meeting place of Lost and Found.

Under what but Park Street Over.

Also underground?

Tell me of the hours of standing

Under someone else's feet;

Of the newsstand nymphs gum-chewing:

"Say, Min, he was sweet!"

Chaos piled on top of Babel.

Crush the weaklings near and far!

Chant the optimistic fable.

"Room up forward in the car!"

Tell me where the herds are plowing.

Fifteen thousand shocks a day.

Tell me what's the use of pushing

Tell me

Aw lay off! What do youse think we are? We ain't go the time!   R. SIMULSNI

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