News

The New Gen Ed Lottery System, Explained

News

Armed Individuals Sighted in Harvard Square Arraigned

News

Harvard Students Form Coalition Supporting Slave Photo Lawsuit's Demands

News

Police Apprehend Armed Man and Woman in Central Square

News

107 Faculty Called for Review of Tenure Procedures in Letter to Dean Gay

The Vagabond

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

It isn't often that the Vagabond allows such mundane conversation to hold sway in his sanctum but tonight the company was feeling just in that mood. Anyway, the Old Fellow finds it very hard to refuse any wish of his little friends.

"I can hardly believe my eyes; and I don't see why it must be so!" And with that remark Alice put the newspaper down and her cheeks flushed a pretty crimson.

The Dodo, being the sober creature that he was and not caring much for turkey anyway, was less interested in the news: "Dear girl, if the Department of Agriculture at Washington wants to experiment with turkeys to get a smaller species -- and even if it will look like a duck, that should not disturb us too much. It will still be turkey."

Alice said nothing and perhaps realized she had been just a bit sentimental over the whole affair.

"You see," continued the Dodo, standing on one leg and the other against his forehead, "the officials have discovered that the average family's cooking oven and pans will not accomodate a turkey weighing more than eighteen pounds. The new one will fit in every home; and weigh about fifteen pounds. It's science, and it's politics too!"

Alice felt quite puzzled at the Dodo's last remark, but all she said was: "Why wouldn't it be easier to make the pans and ovens a little bigger?"

The conversation reached the point where the Mad Hatter thought he had better have his say:

"For the same reason, little girl, that we kill of pigs, plow corn under, and then haven't food to feed the needy. It's logic a la brain trust".

Alice didn't know what 'logic a la brain trust' meant; but suspected that it was French and didn't matter anyway.

The Dodo thought he would come to the rescue:

"Now, dear Alice, take the case of the extinct elephant they found in Connecticut last week. They say that species didn't survive because it didn't fit in with its environmental conditions. As the Republican party would say, 'there was a depression of the habitat.' Now the Democratic party figure there's a lesson to be learned from the elephant which they can apply to their donkey; only they choose to experiment with turkeys first. The Democrats feel that if their experiment is successful and they can fit a turkey to the average family's oven what's to stop them from applying the same sort of technique to their donkey and keeping it in the White House forever?"

Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.

Tags