No one could doubt the sincerity of the Yale News' leading editorial printed elsewhere on this page. Every phrase exudes the innocence and simplicity of a first outbreak of pimples. Surely it must be fun to have a hero, to startle our parents with naughty ideas, "epater le bourgeois."
Everything is so simple. President Roosevelt is a Doctor; business is a naughty college boy who went on a drunk; now he wants to go on another drunk, so he's discrediting the doctor who saved him, O Business, blush at your ingratitude!
It is a great pleasure and privilege to pass this wisdom on to our readers, many of whom are, have been, or will be, business men. If all Harvard and Yale men realize their responsibilities, quite a dent will be made in the reactionary, anti-social, Tory attitude which sends Business into orgies and headaches.
In the future, O Business, gather ye together and raise Prices as high as possible, limit as much as possible the goods and services ye supply to the community; be inefficient, -- if ye can build a house with twenty men, take away their ladders and tools, thereby giving work to thousands; divide the work you have between as many workers as possible; and at the same time, of course, raise-wages. The less work per man which can be done, the better; the higher pay for the less work, the better.
Encourage politicians to take over your housing, your railroads, your utility plants; after all, politicians can run business much better than business men.
Above all, don't save. Don't invest. There is too damn much of that in this country. What we need is spending, consumption; nothing would give so much employment as a good fire. If you don't think so, you have no social feeling, no faith, no sympathy, no Co-operation.
In fact, you are just Business, an Octopussic, Parasitic, Stingy old Witch. And now you, when a sweet Doctor takes an interest in you which you don't deserve, cures you of the unmentionable results of a stupendous Orgy,--now you have the nerve to turn on him, spread nasty gossip, tell tales.