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Caught by a CRIMSON newshawk at an early hour this morning in a sink of iniquity in South Boston, Gregory Augustus Grupp '08, former CRIMSON editor, hailed the CRIMSON news competition as the one essential thing for all undergraduates in Harvard College.
"I think this is the-one essential thing for all undergraduates in Harvard College," said the professor, wiping himself on the mustache. "I found my own candidacy the most educational process I have ever undergone. My beat took me from Beacon Street mansion to Warren Avenue and return and vice versa, and after some time I learned to differentiate." Here Mr. Grupp straightened his tie and puffed out his chest complacently, expansively, and continued.
"Well do I remember the beer nights we used to have, better than any other of my college adventures. What jolly times we had--you know once a month all the fellows would chip in and we would buy a keg"--the Major chuckled to think of this old-time deviltry--"We used to raise the roof. Did you ever hear about Charley--S. M. Charley '07? One night we had to take the door to the Sanctum of its hinges and carry him home on it. Yes, indeed, those were the days."
Baffled indeed was Gruppie when he was informed that present prosperous conditions offered editors their fill of beer every night. For a time he simu- lated indifference but at last admitted his envy in a melancholy voice.
"They're spoiling you, that's what," he declared ponderously. "Spoiling yon. But I do like your burlesque interviews. In my day a cooch queen were more than she would now, but that only heightened the suspense. We boys had to work harder then.
"I have pulled off many coups in my time, but I must admit that we never did anything that compared with last year's dress parade of the Michael Mullins Club. I was pleased to see so many intelligent faces in the public prints. Mr. Hearst should note that you, and not the United States Senators who voted "no" really saved the country. Your parade also provided spice for jaded collegians, a praiseworthy action."
Feeling the need for diversion, Grupp leaped up, headed for a room marked "Private," and disappeared from view. However, had he remained he would have said that--a CRIMSON editor knows more about Harvard than Mr. Conant and Mr. Apted together: CRIMSON editors review the movies regularly on passes; it was a CRIMSON candidate who during the Great War discovered a German submarine lurking off the coast, and thus made one of the greatest scoops in newspaper history; the destinies of Harvard University and of the United States of America are directed by former CRIMSON editors; all Freshmen who wish to try out might drop around at 14 Plympton Street on Wednesday evening at seven-thirty o'clock
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