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Horns and Claws


Do not think, O Men of Harvard, that Satan only appears on this world with horns, claws, and a tail, or even behind black, handle-bar moustachios, or with a sawed-off shotgun bulging through his trouser-leg, or last of all, only in his especial minions, J. P. Morgan, A. Capone, and B. Zaharoff. Truly I (for I am he) have been well oiled and stream-lined since those silly days.

In fact, though few if any boast of it, and my name is maligned, belittled, and, worst of all, ignored by some of my most abject, my congregation has spread over the whole world, which now without hyperbole can be said to lie at my feet, in my hands, under my thumb. My subjects rule Russia, Spain, Japan, Brazil, Italy, Ethiopia, Turkey, Germany, Great Britain, and the United States of America, not to mention other, less publicized nations. In all the schools my lies are taught, and the stupidity on which I thrive fostered. I expect a larger percentage of fawners upon me in the next generation than ever before.

Not only in these obvious ways, but in the wrigglings of tiny bacteria, causing dull pain and anger and bad temper and unhappiness in otherwise invincible souls; in the Virus, which none yet understand save as agony and slow, torturous death; in the horrid unfinished minds of morons, lunatics, imbeciles, and idiots, living feebly and bewildered and sometimes in great pain, and also in those great ideals and principles which make it necessary to keep such things in their misery; there also will you find me active.

Then why not yet in Harvard? Well, I've tried enough. I've tried to lure your professors into telling you falsehoods; I've tried to lure your administrators into oppressing you; I've tried to break down intelligence through weakness of character, and goodness through stupidity. All without success. You, O Men of Harvard, have remained intelligent, rich, and happy, the combination invincible. You live in a heaven Utopists have been dreaming about for centuries, companionship, games, regular, plentiful food and drink, clean, spacious housing, music everywhere you wish, no particular work, plenty of leisure for the pursuit of learning, splendid pedagogues, unbelievable intellectual facilities in the way of libraries, tutors, lectures.

So here I am, frankly before you, plump in the middle of heaven, to preach my gospel, and perfectly sure that such paragons of tolerance won't fail to take at least one look at the Other side, the Wrong side, the Bad Side, the False side, which up to now you have, in narrow bigotry, never touched.

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