Too Much Sprawling on Sofas, Nude Sunbathing Provoke Sharp Criticism of Vassar Indecencies

Spring fever in the aristocratic blood of Vassar students has brought grave misconduct in daily routines of the social collegiennes, latest reports indicate.

Violent protest against certain indecencies had been launched by Florence Hardy, President of Main Hall, whose latest bulletin, "On How to Conduct Yourself", claims that "the present situation has brought condemnation" on the Poughkeepsie elites "from all quarters".

Serious breach of good taste has been after-dinner sprawling on furniture, blocking of passageways; but last week the Hardy ultimatum had gone unheeded.

Swiftly social censers moved to block further error, taking the stand that "lawns need no decorating". Handed down "per order Chief Justice" were decisions regarding proper places to sunbathe. Henceforth inquisitive Harvard-men may expect to find vitamin D enthusiasts half nude--behind the observatory, wholly nude--the solarium.

Because "noise travels long distances", rowdy Vassar girls must tone down voices and radios, since open windows is a "spring habit". Naked legs are shocking, it was decided, in the dining hall, in Arlington and Poughkeepsie.

Although as yet dispatches have been to the contrary, current rumor has it that a mass movement is under way at Poughkeepsie to pack the Supreme Court.