"Spring: Its Nature and Manifestations" was the subject of a short but frantic survey by the CRIMSON of several local institutions for young females. The survey was conducted yesterday in Staff Car No. 2, a snappy Ford Phaeton calculated (and rightly so) to catch the feminine eye.
Utilizing the famous scientific sampling method of surveying, the CRIMSON first approached that home of would-be Harvard co-eds, Radcliffe, where a typical cross-section was corralled. "What does Spring mean to you?" was the first query. The cross-section blushed, giggled a little, and turned away bashfully. "Oh, come on!" she was urged.
"Brings Out the Animal"
The cross-section hesitated, digested a stringy fingernail, then blurted, "Spring brings out the animal in Radcliffe girls." After a moment of shocked silence, the survey was continued. "Are Radcliffe girls ardent bicyclists?" the cross-section was asked. "Oh, no," the girls coood, "we're just ardent!"
"How does Spring affect your attitude toward Harvard?" was the next question. "Nothing could," stated the cross-section icily. "Do you gambol on the green?" the girls were asked. "No, we always bet on the red," was the ready answer. Most of the cross-section scurried away to labs, leaving but one chubby lass, a large pair of horn-rimmed spectacles, and a pair of flat feet.
"No Other Types?"
"Haven't you any other types of Radcliffe girls for our survey?" was the CRIMSON's query. The last vestige of the cross-section wearily stuffed 3 large books into an old burlap bag. "Listen, you," she said bitterly. "If there's anything you want, just go in to the maid, tell her what appeals to you, and she'll ring for it. Good-bye now, I've got to go see a mummy unwrapped."
Staff Car Speeds to Wellesley
Turning up its streamlined nose at a bevy of "oohing" and "aahing" high-school girls, Staff Car No. 2 sped out to Wellesley, to discover the reactions to Spring of a cross-section of girls attending that college. Enticed from a dingy living-room where they were smoking what they termed "butts," and playing auction bridge, a dozen Wellesleyites crowded around the Staff Car, all eager to be interviewed.
"What does Spring mean to you?" they were asked. "Beer jackets, Bock beer, and braids," they chirped, curtseying. The survey asked them if they didn't yearn for Yale on warm Spring nights. "Hell, no!" they replied peevishly. "What do you yearn for, then?" asked the survey.
"Oooooooh! A car and a handsome man with the top down!" the girls mooed enthusiastically. Asked what their favorite Spring diversion was, they promptly chanted:
"At Tupelo tradition goes
That if men don't propose,
We pick them up and throw them in,
In all their Sunday clothes."
Suiting action to words the girls overpowered a CRIMSON staff writer and cased him into a nearby lake, and with that the day's survey was concluded.