In one of the most sensational undergraduate scandals in Harvard history, the Lampoon last night was given 24 hours notice to evacuate the famous building on Mt. Auburn Street.
"Enough is enough!" declared Chief Leahy, of the Cambridge Police. "I've been pestered for years by complaints from motorists about that building. It constitutes a grave menace to auto safety, squatting there in the middle of the road. It scares you!"
Seven hundred and eighty-third deputy inspector Murphy J. Murphy, of the Post Office Department delivered another telling blow when he banned Lampy from the mails. "Such smut!" he stormed. "Imagine publishing a parody of 'Breezy Stories'! Wit pitch-as, too. Geez, wot nudes, wot frivolity. It stinks. Enough is enough!"
Federal agents in the Metropolitan area reported that the situation was intensified by the disappearance of William Carfare '39, president of Lampy. They revealed that the Lampoon safe was also missing. Since Carfare was rumored to have been seen in Pinehurst, North Carolina, Colonel Apted called in the G-men, it having become clear to him that the fugitive must have crossed a state line. "It's all too horrible," Apted mused, as he absentmindedly ordered two Rindge Tech students to "break it up!" The colonel's eyes gleamed. "Enough is enough!" he whispered.
Blast From University Hall
A prominent University Hall Official was interviewed concerning the scandal. Induced from a pigeon-hole by a tempting piece of Roquefort, the official asserted, cautiously peering from side to side, "I will recommend militant disciplinary action. I'm off to Pinehurst. Wheel Say, didn't you think the latest Lampoon was a smackeroo? Omigosh, here comes a secretary. Enough is enough!"
Ootcher Y. Kootcher, self-styled "Hoist" reporter, looking for a scoop, was directed to the Mount Auburn Street obstruction for possible news. "There's nothing newsworthy there," he said gloomily. "I'll get in touch with the Obituary Department."
Late last night a large crowd gathered to observe a "For Sale" sign hung on the building's probosels. Lampoon editors trailed out sorrowfully, carrying their engraved steins. "What mugs," an onlooker was heard to exclaim.
Seek Greener Gutters
"I'm glad we asked the CRIMSON to take over publication for us," one Lampyman said to another. "After all, haven't we been boring our readers long enough? What stoops! Now that the building's going we don't have to drink in the middle of the street any more." He puffed up what amounted to his chest in pride. "For generations, suh, Lampoon men have done their drinking in the gutter!"
The other funnyman looked up at the Ibis, far above him: then dodged suddenly. "Enough is enough!" he sputtered.