The 'Cliffe-Dwellers

Attempts by sociologists or vertebrate zoologists to classify the Radcliffile as a distinct type have usually failed, due to extreme personality variations among the cases studied. The only carmarks that approach universality are that (1) they typically display an awe of the sacred name of Harvard; (2) they have at least a passing interest in intellectual subjects (investigations prove that the median I.Q. of women is more than 10 points higher in Harvard Square than it is in Scollay Square); and (3) they are females (though this is of doubtful value in some cases). Any further scientific description calls for a division into types.

Careerpuellae bookophiliac. Those who study hard. These account for most of the 33 1-3 per cent that eschew (or are eschewed by) men. They like to think of "higher things" like the hereafter, science, or the Harvard Freshman Jubilee. They are noted for a dreamy, far-away look, and may be found curled up with their books in armchairs, the latter usually surrounded by cigarette butts. (Fig. 1.)

Careerpuellae mrsrooseveltiac. Those who drown their emotions in activities (classic dance groups, political forums, et al.) These are unhappy unless they have some responsibility. They are usually underweight, worried, and dress comfortably rather than attractively. They work for Causes, and account for the rest of the first 33 1-3 per cent.

Collegepuellae hollywoodenses. The ones that don't study. Repeated surveys have failed to obtain data about this type, or to discover specimens.

Virpetentes mercenariae. The pseudo-glamour-girls. Unlike their classmates, these attend classes wearing earnings, high heels, but not sweaters. Some of them are popular. (Fig. 2.)


Virpetentes sirenicae. These are cute, try to give the boys the eye, and and answer telephones in hopes of snaring boys who ask for girls who are not in. (Fig. 3.)

Virtenentes. These are unattractive except for a smile, but hold their men better and longer than either of the two preceding types. They go about with one sock up and one sock down, hair uncombed, but pretend to be devoutly interested in whatever interests the boy-friend, such as pinball, economic statistics, or how he told off the dean. (Fig. 4.)

Amabillissimae barnardhallenses. This type is pretty, intelligent, considerate, agreeable, affectionate, faithful, and mythological.

Of course this study by no means exhausts the list. There is also much overlapping of types, and many intermediate gradations.

Specimens can be reached at the dormitories any evening before 10 o'clock.