News
Cambridge Residents Slam Council Proposal to Delay Bike Lane Construction
News
‘Gender-Affirming Slay Fest’: Harvard College QSA Hosts Annual Queer Prom
News
‘Not Being Nerds’: Harvard Students Dance to Tinashe at Yardfest
News
Wrongful Death Trial Against CAMHS Employee Over 2015 Student Suicide To Begin Tuesday
News
Cornel West, Harvard Affiliates Call for University to Divest from ‘Israeli Apartheid’ at Rally
A wizened little Scotchman named "Scotty" with the degree of R.E.W. (rope escape wizard), amused a large crowd of Deacons last night in the Kirkland Junior Common Room by escaping from the bonds he begged to be trussed up in.
Squirming about on the floor, on treating big Audy Guadielle to "gie it ta me good," the plaid-shirted Houdini, bearing the best of references from Yale, Princeton, and Penn, kept up a steady stream of Scotch brogue while he struggled out of the knots in two seconds flat. Not letting the program leg for a minute, he then broke out into some ballads lauding bonnie Scotland's "nicht nichts" and "Maxwellton's bracs."
Scotty revealed that he plans to show up at the football rally tonight and "defle tuh o' the brawniest payers" to keep him tied up for more than three minutes.
Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.