The Press

Mr. Hitler has really sacrificed himself to a great cause. He has made lots of people feel good. Think of the poor average American leading his mechanical, time-clock existence with his fat wife and his four-room duplex. Before Hitler the only things he had to look forward to were getting drunk on Saturday night and Roosevelt's fireside chats. Even movies held no charm for him. Imagine seeing a picture with Paulette Goddard in it, while sitting next to a hefty wife! Now he can guess philosophically about how long it will be before we get in the war, and secretly reduce his waistline in preparation for a little French-American bundling in Paris. He is much happier.... --Daily Princetonian.

(Ed. note: According to a recent survey, the reproductive rate of Princeton men is declining.)