News
Summers Will Not Finish Semester of Teaching as Harvard Investigates Epstein Ties
News
Harvard College Students Report Favoring Divestment from Israel in HUA Survey
News
‘He Should Resign’: Harvard Undergrads Take Hard Line Against Summers Over Epstein Scandal
News
Harvard To Launch New Investigation Into Epstein’s Ties to Summers, Other University Affiliates
News
Harvard Students To Vote on Divestment From Israel in Inaugural HUA Election Survey
Local ichthyologists are ecstatic today, for the world's only known specimen of a fresh-water shark is a weakened trophy in the basement of the University Museum. His name is Carcharinus Nicaraguensis, and it took the President of Nicaragus, an Army engineer, and three expeditions to get him here.
Carcharinus fired the ambitions of Harvard fish-fanciers a year ago, and one was caught in Lake Nicaragua, only to be sunk by a barbarous Hun submarine on his way north. Then President Somoza caught three of them, but lack of shipping facilities decayed everything but the President's snapshots. The last attempt pulled out "C. N.", as he's familiarly called by those who love him.
When landed, he measured five feet long, but shrinkage has set in and the poor fish isn't his old self. The only worry Harvard scientists have to disturb their elation is the problem of how the shark got from the sea to the lake. It has been established, however, that he did it "aeons ago."
Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.