News

Cambridge Residents Slam Council Proposal to Delay Bike Lane Construction

News

‘Gender-Affirming Slay Fest’: Harvard College QSA Hosts Annual Queer Prom

News

‘Not Being Nerds’: Harvard Students Dance to Tinashe at Yardfest

News

Wrongful Death Trial Against CAMHS Employee Over 2015 Student Suicide To Begin Tuesday

News

Cornel West, Harvard Affiliates Call for University to Divest from ‘Israeli Apartheid’ at Rally

Potent Petri Potion Portion Cancels Coy Quaffer's Cares

NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED

After relying on No-Doz pills for two years now in his bi-annual exam binges, a certain character we know was too often disappointed by the results. He agreed with another great man of our time that it was time for a change.

It was a three hour French C battle that faced him last Saturday afternoon. He didn't take the no-doz because he had insomnia anyway. He didn't eat, not wanting to draw blood from his brain to his digestive system. But to achieve the Gallic outlook he drank a bottle of Petri Wine.

"In vino veritas," he smiled cheerfully as he lurched into the exam. Appearing ninety minutes later, he qualified his statement with "Veritas, may be, but not mut French C. Next time we'll try absinthe."

Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.

Tags