Bermuda Attracts Dollars, Ruggers

The island of Bermuda was discovered in 1515 by a Spanish sea-captain whose name, strangely enough, was Juan de Bermudez. To celebrate this coincidence, the entire Bermuda Chamber of Commerce bicycled through the surf to meet his boat and present generous gifts of rum and other sundry spirits.

When Captain Bermudez and his crew sobered up enough to read their compass, they headed back to Spain. Upon arriving, however, it was discovered that the entire cargo (which had consisted of American dollars in bills of large denominations) had somehow disappeared. Bermudez was promptly executed which was a good thing because his head still pained him a great deal.

Meanwhile, back in Bermuda, a new era had swept over the dreamy gulf-stream island. All time was dated A.D. (after dollars) and B.C. (before cash). Large altars were erected in honor of the Gold Standard. Most of these sacred shrines assumed the shapes of hotels, country clubs, exclusive beach resorts, and restaurants.

The bicycle soon became the sacred cow of the Bermudas, and later, the rights of automobiles to infringe on the bicycles was severely questioned: That the Bermudans tended to discourage automobiles is still evident; speed limit on the highway is 20 m.p.h., and in urban areas, 15 m.p.h. For this reason the visiting motorist must keep a sharp eye open for careening bikes. A specially dangerous object is the "souped-up" bicycle, or "hot rod."

The Golden Fleece

Soon the fame of this "emerald of the Atlantic" spread to North America, and attracted many, many visitors whose experiences tended to parallel exactly those of Juan de Bermudez. Clever travel agents knew a good thing when they saw it, but regretted the fact that the Island was only a short, inexpensive distance from New York.

Now it can be told; the fabulous story of how, n 1804, the Island of Bermuda was towed out to sea 340 miles-to its present position 650 miles from New York. Shrouded in secrecy and concealed by the confusion of the Civil War, this movement has never been publicized until this article.

It will probably be refuted.