Aristocrat Army Continues Threat To College Area

Despite the shortage of brown shirts, the Army of American Aristocrats (AAA) will continue midnight manoeuvres on the Flea Club lawn, Brig.-Gen. Asmond Hawskin '59 announced yesterday.

Gen. Hawskin, veteran of Clinton, Tenn., and the Katyn Massacre, anticipates an early spring offensive in the class war. "We've been polishing our rifles and taking target practice in the U.T. wickers. Also, we kicked Sammy, the steward, downstairs three times in the last week. He had a bloody nose and everything. We are strong, the time will come."

Radcliffe Help

Loyal Radcliffe girls have been busy sewing brown arm-bands for shirtless volunteers. One parental relative of an AAA volunteer who owns an arms factory in Des Moines, Ia., has donated 10,000 rounds of ammunition to the army. A Southern chemicals baron is providing 400 liters of gas and has organized a napalm reserve.

Gen. Hawskin said he will deploy his units to key extermination centers around the Square. Sharpshooters will man positions atop Lowell House, the Lampoon, and the Bat Club, providing, of course, "the Communists don't burn the place down before we get going."

Early targets are regular worshippers in Memorial Church, Dunster House residents, and undergraduates with pimpled noses. "Then we aim to get the faculty, I assure you."

In the meantime, 67 volunteers and four officers will continue the war games under infra-red searchlights. Itinerant bootblacks, scullions, and vagrants have been hired as practice drone targets.