Combined Charities

From his infancy, young Dexter Grabgrind '62 cultivated the art of evading solicitors. At the age of three, he escaped a Girl Scout selling cookies by showing her a box that his uncle had given him the previous year. By his eleventh birthday, he had contributed 54 buttons to the collection plate in the church of his choice.

Grabgrind came to Harvard eight years later wary of its reputation as a place where one was asked to give often. He found, however, that he did not even need to employ his slippery skills; one could whisk past the supplicants at registration lines in 14 seconds flat. Easiest of all was the week of the Combined Charities Drive, which Grabgrind spent in Bermuda.

Now Grabgrind was not dishonest. He was simply thoroughly unpleasant. So indeed are all the Grabgrind of this world: none of whom will give to this week's Drive, while their roomates will give, and give generously. And no one will ever mistake them for Grabgrinds.