Winkers Plead For Secretary

"Cliffies, please help us," pleaded the captain of the tiddlywinks team last night. James D. Parry '64 explained that the team members need three or four volunteer secretaries to handle the avalanche of fan mail which is burying them. "If you're willing to help, drop in anytime," he added.

Much of the problem comes from misaddressed letters. One, which was sent to the "Harvard University Tiddley Wink Team, c/o Nathan M. Pusey," was forwarded to the Harvard Athletic Association before it finally reached the stars.

Several of the letter writers have asked for autographs. "These are obviously forged letters sent to us by our opponents," asserted Parry. "No true lover of the game would think of suggesting that we ruin our winking coordination by touching a writing instrument. Why none of us have taken lecture notes all year, and it will take us at least a month of steady training to recover from exams."

Most of the letters request a copy of the international rules or a match with the squoppers. The Green Bank, Va., Chess and Tiddlywink Society explained that they couldn't offer the visiting Harvard team room or board. However, these eighth graders would be glad to give them a tour of the naval radio observatory.

Many correspondents offer carefully thought out advice. One particularly astute fan suggested the superior parabolic trajectory followed by elliptical winks. "He was absolutely right," admits Parry. "We experimented and found that the best ratio between the major axis and the semi-minor axis is two-to-one."