News
Cambridge Residents Slam Council Proposal to Delay Bike Lane Construction
News
‘Gender-Affirming Slay Fest’: Harvard College QSA Hosts Annual Queer Prom
News
‘Not Being Nerds’: Harvard Students Dance to Tinashe at Yardfest
News
Wrongful Death Trial Against CAMHS Employee Over 2015 Student Suicide To Begin Tuesday
News
Cornel West, Harvard Affiliates Call for University to Divest from ‘Israeli Apartheid’ at Rally
To the Editors of the CRIMSON:
The recent decipherment of the Minoan Linear A script has made it possible to translate the 797-line inscription carved on a marble slab that has been in the possession of my family for almost 3000 years. The first lines read as follows:
Student,
Be prudent,
Bore'em
With decorum
Act demure;
They'll think you're pure.
Being frisky
Is risky.
Be staid
And you've got it made.
The remaining 787 lines contain nothing but a wildly incoherent account of a party held at Knossus after the Deros-Knossus game of 1535 B.O. Mark D. Altschule, M.D.
Want to keep up with breaking news? Subscribe to our email newsletter.