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Niemans Claim Touch Football Victory

By Larry L. king

(The Harvard CRIMSON touch football team added the Nieman Fellows to their list of defeated opponents when they downed the older journalists 23-2 at Soldiers' Field yesterday.

Coming off a 23-2 victory against the Yale Daily Saturday, the CRIMSON did, in fact, win this game. But old men have such fascinating fantasies that we here reprint the account given by one member of the Nieman squad.)

Nieman Quarterback Emeritus

The Nieman Fellows football team ended a perfect 1-0 season - Sunday with a 15-14 victory over the Harvard CRIMSON.

It was the first game in history the CRIMSON had not won by a score of 23-2. President Nathan M. Pusey, denying that the CRIMSON is de-emphasizing football, noted that "on any given Sunday, any given team can beat any other given team in this league." President Pusey gets $75,000 annually as President of Harvard, plus first dibs on the bullhorn in the event of student riots and an annual banquet by the Cambridge fuzz.

The CRIMSON was penalized 15 yards at the outset, for suspicion of possession of narcotics. Aided by a two-yard gain and three consecutive 15-yard penalties, the fighting Niemans drove 47 yards. The first penalty against the CRIMSON was for impudence: the second came when officials called the entire CRIMSON line for unnecessary effeteness; on the third play, the CRIMSON linebacker was called for snobbery.


The half ended 0-0, though the Niemans led in cigars smoked, time-outs, and personal neatness.

The CRIMSON scored in the first quarter when a long-haired child bearing much resemblance to a draft-dodger tossed a lucky pass to another of his ilk; the same thing unaccountably happened again in the third quarter. Meanwhile, the CRIMSON tacked on a disputed safety which the Niemans have threatened to refer to Dean Ernest May for adjudication (ed. note: Dean May, through a spokesman, said the matter would be referred to six committees, a Faculty Club vote, and the class of '09.)

Though down 0-14 and with their restive fans singing "Goodbye Dwight." (an obvious reference to Dwight Sargent. Nieman group curator who had before today yet to defeat the CRIMSON) the Niemans continued to play unusually clean and to think well of the Vietnam war. They also suffered rain, snow, and a hailstorm: the CRIMSON, on the other hand, had the sunny end of the field all day.

The Nieman Fellows scored twice in the last three minutes on two 99-yard punt returns by Larry L. King, thus closing the gap to 12-14.

The Niemans won after claiming a 3-point penalty when the CRIMSON failed to provide free beer at a post-game gathering as required in the original contract. The Nieman vote to accept the definitive three points passed 8-7; Larry L. King cast the deciding vote. "It was a team victory." King modestly said in accepting the Most Valuable Player award.

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