The subject is the Harvard Classics, 1978-79, club basketball team extraordinaire. The examination was given in the Quincy House dining hall, yesterday during brunch. Question 1: What do you know about the Harvard Classics?
"Panos is on the team... they go on a different trip every year... they're supposed to be a pretty good basketball team... it includes the Aeneid... they are pretty tall."
Most of the answers were accurate However, Virgil hasn't suited up for a game since playing for the Roamin' Legions in the early '40s--B.C.
Some of the basketball players already enrolled on the Classics' roster provided further insights into the Classics' mystique. "They look good and taste better," said Aaron Class Marshal" Alter.
The Classics' Development Officer, Gary "Bigfoot" Bosnic described his colleagues as "a bunch of idiots." Tim Carey, whose player notes read, 'May surprise, but we doubt it,' said, "They get girls."
Thus, coach John Harvey's Vagabond Basketeers continue to dribble through Harvard's hallowed hallways in relative obscurity, sustained by a few ardent fans and some loose hanging supporters.
Like the New York Yankees, the Classics play winning basketball despite a lack of press coverage. Currently, the Basketeers are riding the crest of a 12-game winning streak.
The only official publication of the Classics' exploits this season is Coach Harvey's Publicity Report #1 (to be released without discretion). Included in the hyperbolical "hype" sheet are details of some noteworthy events such as...
"An 80-52 brainwashing of the Ramblin' Clams of Wentworth College; the pulsating 75-49 ravaging of the Fighting Tapeworms from Bunker Hill Community College; and the hoopsters' 95-63 rout of the 'pill Poppers' from the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy. Through a pre-arranged balanced scoring attack, each of the Classics' 15 players scored 6.2 points against the Poppers."
The team continues to award the famous Three-Lemons rating to The Most Embarrassing Player of the Game. Tom "Silk" Russo's performance of unnatural acts to score from the low post area against several rival earned him one of his two awards this season. Rich "Machine Gun" Bengel also chalked up the Three-Lemon for setting a personal scoring high of 24 points against Dean Junior College.
The Classics remain an alternative form of basketball for Harvard athletes. For those who don't make the varsity hoop squad, or can't afford a major time commitment, the Classics offer top-notch competition, organization, and a chance to see the world--without joining the Navy.
The Basketeers have rolled to an impressive 114-27 record over the last six years against a variety of New England colleges and institutions. Once again, to conclude the season, the Classics will pull out their passports for an overseas spring vacation replete with sun, fun and international basketball.
The Gibraltar Basketball Federation is currently organizing a tournament involving the Classics, and teams from Morocco, England and Gibraltar. In the meantime, the Basketeers are in the process of raising money to cover their airfare.
The trip to Gibraltar follows the conclusion of this year's season. Coming up in February and March are three home games. After facing Graham Junior College at the IAB on February 16, the Classics wind up the season against the Harvard JVs and Daniel Webster Colleges on March 2 and 3, respectively.
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