I'm a Slimeball For Another Weekend

Last week, four of the Cube selectors went 5-2. President Jeff Zucker, staff writer Bob Cunha, and I penned in the same selections for the second week in a row, tying for first place with one of our guest selectors.

Samantha the lobster also went 5-2.

Shown up by a crustacean.

A lobster--and don't get me wrong, I love a good lobster--took me at my own game.

This week, I'll come back. Samantha won't be picking this week. She hasn't answered our phone calls, and I think someone told me about a terrible accident with boiling water and melted butter down at Bay State Lobsters.

PENN 35, COLUMBIA 8--Sure, Quakers stand for peace and Columbia Coach Jim Garrett stands for war, but the smart money's on the Red and Blue.

Two weeks ago, Garrett drove punter Pete Murphy out of the Lion football program for averaging 38.5 yards a punt against the Crimson. His replacement, John Williamson, managed only 34.4 yards a boot last week.

Insiders say the bandleader may punt this week. Often.

BROWN 20, PRINCETON 3--Ron Rogerson's Tigers pulled the upset of the opening weekend, knocking off Dartmouth.

The Bruins almost pulled a bigger surprise, falling two points shy of ambushing Yale.

An old saying goes Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my. There's another old saying that says the first shall be last.

And there's another one . . . oh, never mind. Just take the Bruins, they're too strong defensively for Princeton.

ARMY 49, YALE 9--Black Knights are minions of evil. Evil minions like to sneak up on cute furry dogs, stuff them in burlap sacks, and drown them in the Hudson River.

'Nuff said.

LAFAYETTE 27, CORNELL 14--The Big Red almost stunned the Red Raiders last weekend after losing to the Red and Blue in its opener.

In case you're colorblind, Cornell clearly crested in the Colgate game. Lafayette will take aim and brush off the Red.

HOLY CROSS 17, DARTMOUTH 16--The Big Green hasn't won a non-league game since 1977.

Since then, the Hanoverians have posted a 0-19-1 mark outside of the Ivy League. You can bet that if Joe Yukica cared about anything beyond the Ancient Eight title, the Green wouldn't be going for lucky number 21.

The Cross isn't going to be the first, and may not be the last to beat Dartmouth, as the Green faces powerful Colgate next weekend.

WILLIAM & MARY 19, HARVARD 10--The Crimson got a 57-year head start on America's second-oldest college.

That's a pretty big chip on the large shoulders of the Tribe, which already has to live with the fact that nobody can spell Coach Jimmye Laycock's name.

William & Mary goes into the contest ranked fifth in the country in Division I-AA; Harvard is 16th.

The Crimson defense is ready to slow down the Tribe, but the offense, for all of its talent and pre-season billing, has yet to come together. If fullback Robert Santiago and quarterback Brian White can get back on track, the Crimson could pull an upset.

The Tribe, which last played Harvard in 1981, has come on a long road trip to prove that those 50 years don't mean much.

Sure, John Harvard never made it to Cambridge, but William and Mary never made it to Williamsburg, either.

They know we were founded in 1636, they know that we have a bigger library and they know that we won the Civil War, so don't be surprised if they try to take a little piece of Harvard home with them.